


Right Hand Man

by CiceroProFacto



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Keith working out the Team Leader role, Lance Angst, M/M, fast-paced plot, lots of team Punk, mindmelding shenanigans, switching perspectives (not often)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-17
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-05-24 10:51:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 47,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14953265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CiceroProFacto/pseuds/CiceroProFacto
Summary: The journey to earth has a few major stops along the way and "home" doesn't always mean what it used to.





	1. The Plan

From this far, Earth wasn’t even a point on the map, not even a star in any visible constellation. It would take time for the Lions to reach home and they should not expect the journey to be direct- there would be stops along the way, reports to make to allies and unexpected missions. Without the Castle ship, they’d be vulnerable and Keith knew the stakes well...was already planning contingencies for if they took contact along the ride.

The whole team needed to rest and the Blade of Marmora’s mission report was a priority. The debrief Krolia had given in the backseat of Black while they’d looked for this asteroid to set down on- it wasn’t enough information. Kolvian would need to know exactly _how_ Lotor had been able to build a ship that could jump through the quintessence field; he’d need to know about Shiro’s clone and the Castle’s destruction.

Keith didn’t realize how serious and focused he was until a hand fell gently on his shoulder. Krolia- no...his mother was giving him a look, comforting and direct. Proud- but there was something else, a judgment and warning. She glanced back to his team where Pidge, Hunk and Coran were programming a stretcher for Shiro and Lance was gushing over Allura’s new resurrection skills while she covered her mouth and smiled. Keith watched them all interacting with each other, familiar, easily connected while he stood aside, isolated and focused on the mission. Raising a brow, Krolia saw when understanding struck him- he was a part of this now.

“You’re not alone. Don’t plan alone.”

Keith gave a smile, “...I know,” he said, genuine. Because he did. He’d seen enough of his mother’s memories to know she’d learned this lesson the hard way herself. Stranded on earth, she’d held onto her mission as the last connection she had to her oath. Keith’s father wasn’t a distraction from her mission, she just...had a partner for it- not just something to protect for her own sense of duty... _someone_ to protect because she _loved_ them.

And that made her stronger, gave her mission new purpose, made her a better asset to the Blades.

Keith understood now- better than ever. Caring might be a risk, but it was _not_ a weakness.

He picked himself up and helped Hunk and Coran with loading Shiro onto the hovering stretcher while his mother made some calls. Several dobashes later, the Lions were docked in one of the Blade of Marmora’s carrier ships, moving slowly towards Earth.

Going home.

Things felt unnaturally slow after that and Keith had to remind himself not to hover. He was shooed off the bridge by Kolvian after delivering his report. Vrek ignored his curious prodding about his last mission. He wandered around the ship, itching for involvement until he ran into Hunk, leaving the showers. One weird look from the pajama-clad paladin was enough to slap him into self-awareness. He was being frenetic. He didn’t need someone to tell him- he should try to sleep too.

After washing up, tending to gnarly bruises and aching muscles, brushing his teeth, and staring for several dobashes at the purplish scar now cast over his cheek like a strange shadow, Keith walked to the small cabin designated as his temporary quarters.

He hadn’t felt it before but, now that he was calm, he was exhausted.

He would’ve been lights-out if it weren’t for the sound of pacing on the other side of his wall. Maybe it was out of habit or a small sentimental nod to their quarters on the deceased castle ship, but Lance had taken the quarters next to his, and when there was a knock at the door. He called it open immediately.

Lance leaned in the doorway, hesitant as ever. “Hey, Keith…” he said. So that was a thing now- saying his name like he was talking to someone new. “Do you have a minute?”

It was unusual. Lance was wearing an open, almost nervous expression, and Keith was sensing some kind of insecurity. And, when it came to seeking out support, Lance was usually the one to help others rather than ask for help.

“Of course.” Keith pushed himself over to the far edge of the bed and sat up to grant his attention, but when Lance made no move to come any closer, he wondered briefly if the other expected him to stand and make this a formal setting, if this was just another address as Team Leader since Shiro was still asleep.

“I was thinking about what you said- about the colony of Alteans, and I think we need to get to them as soon as possible.”

So, it was. Keith had thought it bothered him the last time because of the responsibility. He no longer held those reservations about leading, but something about it still stung. Keith frowned- mostly at himself. He’d have to get over that. Lance was right to come to him about their missions. _Don’t plan alone._

“Lotor had to have help to maintain it,” Lance was saying, “like a crew of Galrans at the very least. When word gets around that he’s gone, how long do you think we have until someone reports it all to Sendak?”

Logical as ever, “Kolvian said the same thing when we called him,” Keith said, and as reassurance, “he already dispatched agents to keep ears to the ground so we can be ready.”

“I don’t think that’s enough…” Lance stepped further into the room, folding his arms carefully over his chest like maybe he was trying to look cool. It seemed more like he was hiding himself. “Look. I wanna go home as much as anyone- you know I do, but...these are _Allura_ ’s people. If there’s really a planet of Alteans, we have to do everything we can to protect them- and if Sendak finds their location and their quintessence...”

“It’s better to evacuate them sooner than risk losing the opportunity to do so,” Keith finished for him. He waited for Lance’s open expression to give confirmation that he’d understood correctly, then glanced down at the floor and really considered the suggestion. Knowing how much Lance missed earth, how eager he was to speed their journey along, making this suggestion could not be easy for him, but Keith also knew how much Lance truly cared about Allura- not just in the way his lame flirting suggested. This concern was selfless in the way that Keith had always admired. The team would not be happy, but...Lance was right to be worried about this, so he nodded. “I understand what you’re saying,” he said firmly.

And, it was that simple. Lance gave a nod, mouth set and fists clenched loosely at his sides, turned and left, sure that it would be handled.

Keith flopped back onto his mattress and closed his eyes. There hadn’t been time for reunions when he’d returned from the abyss, and after the battle, losing the castle, reviving Shiro, and finally docking in this carrier ship, the paladins had scattered to their separate quarters to wash up and recover.

They needed it. Keith wasn’t sure what he needed.

He’d missed everyone in those two years- mostly Shiro, but he’d expected that. He hadn’t expected to miss Lance. But, he’d thought about him a lot- more than he wanted to- in the long stretches of silence he should’ve been enjoying. He’d always loved nature, but that sort of peace grew overbearing in its endlessness. It took awhile to realize the interruption he was expecting was Lance- his loud quips and challenges, the playfulness he offered by extension.

Suggesting another mission and reaching an immediate, unspoken consensus...it wasn’t how Keith expected their first real conversation to go.

When he had been reaching for his teammates to join their fight against Lotor, searching for their collective minds to meld from across several galaxies, it was Lance he saw first. Like fingertips clasping, that small touch that encouraged him to reach out and pull. Pidge’s mind was quickest to catch on, then Allura with her magic and Hunk’s warmth. Once the whole team was there, the initial blip of Lance’s consciousness was unrecognizable over the presence of _them_. Voltron. His team- his family.

He still wasn’t sure why finding Lance was so easy- maybe it was his voice over the comms, loud and overbearing as ever, directing the team in his absence and taking heavy fire in their defense. But, for a moment it had been there- just Lance in his head, open and accessible.

Whatever the reason, the worrying thing was- he wasn’t frightened by it.

 ...

Keith had called a team meeting and arrived early to prepare his thoughts in advance. He felt distracted and unfocused, decided to blame it on the fact that he hadn’t given himself enough time to rest. But, Lance was right and there wasn’t time for that.

“Keith? Are you alright?”

It was Allura’s voice that caught him and he glanced up across the briefing table where the team had coalesced and started claiming seats. He’d been staring at the lines over his knuckles, the creases and veins on his right hand- things he never really took the time to see. “I’m fine. Just a little tired.”

“Oh perfect,” Hunk said. “Me too- anyone else? Everyone else- maybe we should all go back to sleep.”

“No, Hunk,” Allura said. “Keith is right- we need to discuss how we’ll protect Romelle’s colony before the Galra can move against them." Keith hadn't told her about the reason of this meeting, so obviously Lance had. "We don’t know how much time we’ll have before news of Lotor’s death spreads and that information makes its way into the hands of Sendak’s commanders. A source of quintessence that pure is not safe.”

“And not to mention- that quintessence is coming from the life force of Alteans!” Coran added.

Rolling out of one exhausting mission straight into the next, Hunk glared between Keith and Allura, probably trying to figure out who this was more typical from. Out of the corner of his eye, Keith caught a glimpse of Lance pretending to scratch the back of his neck as if this had nothing to do with him, but he didn’t draw attention to it. “If we do this right, it may only take a few minutes,” he said instead.

That got everyone’s attention.

“The colony is located inside a region we call the Quantum Abyss,” he explained, glancing over the table towards his mother. “It’s a region with so many supermassive bodies that spacetime is warped in every direction, tearing apart anything that passes through. What takes years inside the abyss only takes a few ticks on the outside.”

Keith glanced at Romelle where her expression had darkened. She had understood when they left- she would never see anyone she knew ever again. By the time they left the abyss and spent just a few hours outside that region, hundreds of years had passed on her world.

By now, her memories were a graveyard.

Keith went on. “We have a route that avoids time fluctuations, but no pilot would be able to fly that course quickly enough to avoid having their ship torn apart. We would need to make wormhole jumps- as the Altean pod could or the Galra ships that Lotor was using.”

“Without the teludav we can’t make those kinds of jumps,” Coran said, frown pulling down the corners of his mustache. “And the Princess should not be making any more jumps through the quintessence field for a very long time- she needs to recover!”

“I know,” Keith said, then turned to Allura, deadpanned. “But, can you?”

She pursed her lips in thought, one hand lifting to clutch at her own elbow.

“Of course she can!” Lance interjected. “Didn’t you see how she pulled Voltron into the quintessence field- she can do anything.”

Keith raised a brow at Lance’s near-desperate flattery. It was nothing new, especially where Allura was concerned.

But, she just pushed her shoulders back, gaining confidence. “I would need to know where we’re going,” she said. “When I use the teludav, the ship’s maps direct our jumps. If we’re trying to jump through the quintessence field, I’ll be lost.”

“I may be able to access the route that Ranveig's probes found if I can get into the Galra's system, but even if I can, it won't be exact,” Krolia said. “Would that be helpful?”

Coran huffed at that and turned to Allura with a plea in his eyes, “Princess, I know you have the strength, but without a teludav, following a map will be impossible- directions are all loopy in the quintessence field,” he waved a finger in circles as if in demonstration. “And, now the map isn’t even exact?!”

“I can pull the travel logs of the Altean pod Keith took back- it would have the route recorded…” Pidge said helpfully.

But Hunk stopped her, “And, where did you upload those?” and met no response and slowly answered himself. “To the castle?”

Pidge’s head dropped below her shoulders.

Hunk frowned and scratched at his chin, “Maybe we could build a model to predict the time fluctuations and make a map from that?”

Pidge considered it. “To make any kind of model, I would need to be able to monitor the sensors picking up on fluctuations in real time, but the time distortion to get a signal from inside would make that impossible. There would be lags in information transfer that would alter outputs.”

Hunk bit his lip, “So you’re saying...”

“Anything I could collect from out here would be wrong,” Pidge finished. And, Keith knew very well that any little error in her calculations would send their ship jumping directly into a space-time drop-off. “I would need to go in to take a constant reading.”

The idea settled in heavy over the room.

“Well, Keith and Krolia made it through the abyss,” Shiro said, “If we need to go in to make a map in case we need it to travel by teludav in the future, I’m sure we can do that. We’ll fly to the colony, bring out as many Alteans as we can fit on their ships and then use Pidge’s map to make the jump back inside for anyone that's left.”

“The creatures in the abyss will tear you apart first,” Keith said, short and clipped. It was typical of Shiro, trying to find a plan that satisfied everyone, and Keith had hoped that there would be another way- that Allura’s magic may give them a way to speed up the process, but every option was leading back to the same unavoidable task. He was staring at the table in thought, but the room dropped into silence and he glanced up, to find eight pairs of eyes on him.

“Travelling in the abyss is treacherous, but there can be safe passage, riding the backs of the giant beasts that live there-” Krolia stepped in, explaining, “that’s how we made it through.”

Right. Keith frowned. He couldn’t be zoning out in his own thoughts like this. Shiro was here, watching him expectantly and he was going to lead. Right now, leading meant delivering a hard truth. “It will be slow-going inside the abyss where time is stretched," he said, "but out here- where it matters,” where they were racing Sendak and the possibility of a Galra attack, “it won’t take long- a few dobashes at most.”

“You’d have to be able to get deep enough into the abyss to land on one,” Krolia said. “We didn’t encounter any of the beasts until we’d travelled for several quintents.”

“But you just said I’d be torn apart-” Pidge said.

“A lion could withstand the attacks that tore our ship apart…” Keith said. “They could make it far enough inside to land on one-”

“And if Sendak attacks while you’re gone, we won’t be able to form Voltron!” Coran protested again.

“If we wait until the Blades of Marmora get confirmation that Sendak is sending a fleet, we might miss our chance to evacuate the colony safely.” Keith knew his frustration was bleeding into his voice, but he couldn’t help it. “We do this now. Whatever it takes.”

Either the urgency of their mission or the tone of his voice put a hush over the room.

Keith looked at Allura and, slowly, she nodded. It was all the permission he needed. “Red will go and ferry Pidge while she creates the map. While they’re inside, the Blades of Marmora and coalition forces will stand guard-”

“Wait, wait- me?”

Keith fought the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose. He expected this protest. “Lance, your lion is the most agile. If any of us can get far enough into the abyss to find one of the planet beasts, it’s you.”

“So we lose two paladins- if the entrance is attacked,” Hunk held up his hand and dropped two fingers, “we’ll only have three lions to stop Galra ships from entering the abyss after them.”

“ _Again,_ we won’t have to hold them off for long if they do,” Keith said. “When my mother and I were inside, our timepieces calculated two years passing. Out here it was only a few ticks.”

“ _Two years_!” Lance’s voice took on a new pitch of panic. Keith had expected that too- it didn’t make it any less annoying...or heartbreaking- he wasn’t sure which, but either way he had to keep his expression calm. “Oh no! No! You said we were going to Earth!” Lance was standing now, jabbing a finger at Keith, “When I brought this up to you, I wasn’t offering to take a two year detour in a time funnel!”

Keith wanted to be upset with Lance’s anger directed at him, but there wasn’t time for it. Hunk frowned to hear that Lance had concocted the mission in the first place; Pidge seemed caught between terror of the danger of the mission, hesitance about Lance accompanying her, and the dawning comprehension of what she’d be signing up for; Shiro and Krolia were dutifully accepting the idea while Coran’s face was scrunched up like he was looking for any way to poke holes in it. Romelle left the planning to members of the team.

It was Allura’s expression that concerned Keith the most. She was staring at Lance with some strange look of admiration and surprise. Keith didn’t want to know what it meant or why it made him uneasy, but more than that- he didn’t want to be so distracted by it.

“Lance…” he started.

“You do it! You know the abyss, you can pilot Red!”

“Red’s yours now. He won’t just take me for one mission.” Keith had thought of what he was asking- hadn’t wanted to ask it of Lance, but “If we don’t find a way to map the abyss ourselves, the Blades of Marmora will have to track down members of Lotor’s crew from the colony and extract the travel logs from their ships. I don’t know how long that could take.”

Allura stepped behind Lance and Keith could see her take his hand out of his periphery. He focused on holding Lance’s eyes and not looking down at that while she talked. “Lance, we all want to get home to our families…” she said, “I understand you want to see your people, but time is of the essence! You know we cannot wait for Sendak to move first...my people need you...I need you.”

Lance was still glaring at Keith straight on.

Keith could see his mother stepping level with him at his side, held his eye contact when she reached out to put a hand on Lance’s shoulder. “The ones you love will still be there when you return.”

He dropped Keith’s gaze. “Alright...I’ll go.”


	2. Into the Abyss

Lance suited up in his quarters, glaring wistfully at his rack. Its sheets were tucked in severe and crisp, untouched. He should’ve slept before bringing up the Alteans- he’d known Keith’s response would be immediate. That’s just how Keith was. Relentless. But, he shouldn’t complain. Compared to the rest of the team outside the abyss, he would have no rush and plenty of time to rest. Too much time.

He tucked his helmet under his arm and met Pidge in the hangar where she was loading up extra equipment to make any repairs the computers might need. There would be no turning back for supplies. Not once they’d landed.

The rest of the team had their own preparations to make, contacting the coalition for support and planning out the next few steps- which would come quickly for them while Lance and Pidge were stalled in the abyss. Krolia and Kolvian managed to pull the probe map off the Galra’s network, and she spent about a dobash uploading the path into Red’s memory.

When the team milled down to the hangar to see them off, they made a nostalgic sight, wearing their old clothes. Lance had to catch himself before his mouth lolled open and said something stupid. Keith’s old red jacket hugged tight on his arms where it used to hang off him. He was wearing the same black tee that he’d been in the night before when Lance had gone to his room, but with the high cut of the jacket, it emphasized how much that shirt  _clung_ - how much Keith had grown. 

It really hit him then.  _Two years_  Lance would be gone. He wouldn’t be coming back the same. Keith certainly hadn’t.

He kinda wanted to cry, but Pidge beat him to the mark, rushing forward to hug her brother where he’d just landed to support them. She was sobbing openly, but Lance couldn’t quite bring himself to that. A few tears slipped when Hunk pulled him into a mournful hug, but he just wiped them off onto his friend’s shirt. It felt wrong, going away without him. All their adventures...dragging Hunk along was half the  _point_.

Okay, now he was crying.

“Is everything ready?” Shiro was in his armor, walking towards the group with his helmet tucked under a fresh right arm prosthetic.

The white hair was still a shock, but Lance was more concerned that- “Wait, why are you suited-up?”

“I’m coming with you.” He moved past Lance and projected their mission notes from his wrist while looking over Pidge’s equipment, beginning their pre-flight checklist.

Their voices blurred. Lance was reeling, spun around to the rest of the team and trying to catch up- this was not a part of the plan he’d been informed of...and this was his mission, so he should really know these things. But, no one seemed surprised with it, Allura and Coran wearing neutral expressions and Keith’s brow all scrunched-up as always.

Shiro finished his check and started helping Pidge load the equipment.

It’s not that Lance was really upset. He’d always wanted Shiro to just...spend more time with him. Talk to him. Give him awesome, personally-tailored advice for his specific needs. This would’ve been the perfect chance for that, but there was also the vague feeling that there was a reason for this that Lance wouldn’t like.

Keith was being all Team Leadery now, cool and mature, and Lance could imagine how that conversation went-  _hey, Shiro, babysit Lance so he doesn’t do anything stupid._

When he glared at Keith, demanding an explanation, Keith just raised his brows for the briefest of ticks. Then, the expression dropped, his frown deepened and his lips pinched tighter. He didn’t give an inch or show any sympathy. So, he was owning it. Fine.

“Well, we would’ve been fine without you, but join the party! Good to have you,” Lance said loudly. “Let’s get this show on the road.”

He turned and lifted his helmet over his head, but a hand at his wrist stopped him and he turned.

Allura had stepped closer and said, “Wait, Lance.”

He always liked the way his name sounded when she said it, and he knew better than to blush for her, but she was standing so close, and...she leaned in. He froze, and when her lips pressed, short and simple to his cheek, he thought he’d combust on the spot. What was that for?!

“Be careful,” she said, earnest.

“Right- uh…” smooth, Lance. He pushed the squeak out of his voice, “I will.”

... 

It had been strange, hearing a fully-developed tactical brief from Keith. Normally it was Shiro or Coran’s voice overlaying these kinds of missions, walking-the-dog so to speak. Even in Keith’s best attempts at leading the team, his operational orders had been scattered and broad, he hadn’t explained their individual tasks or given any specifics. And, not that everyone on the team wasn’t capable of making smart choices, but...there was a certain coordination about getting them to do so in concert with each other.

But now, in a room of their top leadership, the Rebel forces, the coalition leaders pulled up on holoscreens, and Kolian’s commanders, Keith had stepped up, easy and confident, mouth set and eyes blazing with grim determination. He managed to make an evacuation sound so aggressive one would think they were storming the abyss with guns blazing, but Keith still managed to hold himself professionally in a way Lance had only ever seen from Allura or Shiro.

When he’d gone to tell him about his concern for Allura’s people, he hadn’t expected Keith to take the subject so  _seriously_. Even though Keith was addressing the whole coalition, Lance had felt like the whole thing was so strangely personal, like he was the one with a hand on the wheel. It didn’t help that Keith kept  _looking_  at him.

When Keith started explaining his tasks, he had to remind himself- focus up:

        _Lance, you will pilot Red into the abyss. Once you pass the line of departure, activate your maps...and punch it._

“What are those things!” Pidge screamed when another spindly abyss monster latched onto Red’s face.

Lance understood why Keith had emphasized the importance of speed. These things were demons. Even Red could barely dodge them. Six had already grabbed on and the sound of their claws on metal screeched over everything. “Stop scratching my paint!”

“You’ve gotta shake them, Lance!” Shiro said.

So much for the peaceful cruise on autopilot. “Hold on then!”

        _When you reach this coordinate, set down on something sturdy and defensible and wait. This is where we first started sighting the creatures._

Lance had never really had a co-pilot in one of the Lions before. When anyone else rode with him, it was normally more of a taxi-service or a joyride rather than a combat-scenario, but he had to admit, Pidge was better at operating these computers than any simulator at the Garrison.

“Lance, on your left!” Shiro said just in time for him to blast down another one of the monsters.

“Where are these planet-fish-creature-things?” Pidge said. “We can’t hold on here forever.”

“Keith said they’d be here,” Lance said, sinking Red down onto his haunches for more stability.

Shiro leaned over his chair suddenly, “What is that?”

        _And don’t worry, Lance. You’ll know it when you see it._

“That’s our ride,” Lance said, kicking his lion back out into the air and jumping off a few craters, trying to shake off more of the void-spider monster things. Pidge kept up her covering fire on Red’s tail, and within a few ticks, they’d safely landed on the giant creature.

Lance slumped into his seat, exhausted. But, at his back, Shiro was taking his helmet off and making for the hatch, so Lance pushed up and ran to set foot on the creature’s back first, tugging his helmet off as he went. “Alright...all aboard!” he said, pushing his hair off his forehead and feeling the slight breeze of the creature’s atmospheric breath. “This is Lance McClain, your Captain speaking,” he grinned. “Our ferry has just departed coordinates provided by your favorite grumpy paladin, set for destination Altea two-point-o. Make yourselves comfortable because we will be here for awhile, so sit back and enjoy the ride.”

Pidge ignored him, trudging past to get a view of their new base. “Red’s shut off moment energy, so we’re static for now.”

“Are your sensors still up and running?” Shiro said.

Pidge nodded the affirmative and both her and Lance waited for Shiro to give more directions. He didn’t.

Lance waited a few ticks then spoke up, “Well, alright. If Red’s content, we make camp here. First thing’ll be shelter. Keith said they found a cave to hunker down in, so there might be some formations nearby, we should-”

A loud vibration tore through the air and stopped Lance cold. Turning towards the center of the abyss where the ring of radiation around the core of the region was glowing, shooting out a belt of light-

“It’s a time dilation, brace yourselves!” Pidge yelled.

They’d been briefed on this, but Lance still wasn’t prepared when the wave hit. A flash of painless white light and then a jolt of agony through his heart- sorrow, crushing him down like a tin can under a cinder-block boot.

 _The light bled away into a scene he didn’t recognize. He was standing in a tight embrace in the center of a briefing room- it almost looked like the Garrison’s high command, the room with the shiny round tables and massive screens for group calls. Those screens were fizzling with static as if a conference had just ended._ _He was wearing his paladin armor, unable to stop shaking and sobbing- with no clue why-_

_Just that he was hurting... **so** badly..._

_The arms around him were warm and intense, stronger than he’d expect, and when he pried himself out of his future self's form- leaned back far enough to see..._

_It didn’t make sense._

_It was Keith, holding him tightly while he dissolved into sobs, Keith’s hands pushing his hair back and holding his face against his neck while he clenched at the red armor. Future Lance found Keith’s shoulders and pulled him in tighter. This version of Lance was totally unashamed of the closeness- of who he was grasping at, and Keith was grimacing like he was hurting too...hurting with him- for him._

When Lance fell out of the vision, Pidge and Shiro were kneeling over him, concerned. From the wetness on his face, Lance knew he was crying. “I’m okay,” he said, waving away their concern, and once they believed him, they walked away talking about their own visions. He was glad to know theirs had just been boring memories of the Garrison not-  _that_.

He needed space to think about whatever it was he’d seen.

It was intimate and intimidating- to think he could completely unravel like that in front of anyone. Much less  _Keith_.

  ...

Days passed slowly in the abyss. Most of their time was spent hunting for food and working on Pidge’s map. They did find a cave to sleep in, but without major weather systems on the creature’s back, the most important thing was to keep warm. It wasn’t the kind of cold that made everything freeze over, but it was enough to give hypothermia with long-term exposure. Their cold-weather survival training from the Garrison was finally useful. Two weeks of Lance’s life that he’d repressed up until this point.

One way to keep warm was to keep occupied. When they arrived at the colony, Lance and Shiro would be in charge of teaching the Alteans how to fly the pods, so he spent most of his time picking Shiro’s brain as an instructor, trying to learn tips and tricks for helping students become pilots.

He was still bored.

There were other creatures on the planet fish. Big ones, small ones, edible ones, and ones that considered paladins edible, so they set up watch rotations at night. It usually ended up being either Shiro or Lance staying up while the other slept. Pidge spent most of her time in Red, watching her scanners operate. The time fluctuations helped them mark their rotations. It had actually been Lance who realized that there was a pattern to the flashes. He could judge by his stomach- how hungry he was after a couple hours and how often the flashes happened within those hours- that pattern matched up to about two flashes per quintent. Pidge ran more exact calculations.

Other than a giant temporal alarm clock, there wasn’t much use for the flashes. Keith had warned them that the time fluctuations would show them glimpses of the past and the future- of the perceptions that would occur in the mind of any sentient being in their vicinity. Luckily, there weren’t many other species of intelligent creatures. Lance wasn’t sure he wanted to know what reality looked like through the eyes of a planet fish.

He did get to know way more about Shiro than he’d ever ask the guy, and his friends were seeing more about his stupid past than he wanted to be known. Pidge was direct and gave him the perfect amount of shit for every one of his memories that got broadcast to the group, so he knew exactly how much of a dork she thought he was. Shiro was more respectful (i.e. harder to read).

After the first flash, there hadn’t been any more glimpses of the future, but Lance dreaded it constantly- dreaded getting context for that first flash. It was hard to imagine what could’ve drawn that kind of agony out of him- after everything he’d been through in an intergalactic war, nothing had ever hit him that hard. Losing Shiro, being separated from the team, hell- he’d died a few times and hadn’t mourned like that.

He was up on his fifty-fourth watch rotation, thinking about it while he paced the camp site. He’d been putting it out of mind, but it was distracting and he’d have to make some conclusions about it eventually. Future Lance had obviously lost something irreplaceable. He had been...heartbroken.

Maybe that was what true heartbreak looked like.

Sure, Lance had cried a little when Allura chose Lotor over him, but maybe that wasn’t the extent of her distaste. Sure, she'd been more affectionate since Lotor betrayed her, but Lance was sure he'd find a way to mess it up, and maybe this time...Allura was going to  _really_  hurt him- like a crushing onslaught of every goofy flaw, every inadequacy he tried to cover up, transparent to her, unloaded on him all at once. That was about all he could imagine that might feel like that, and it was a horrifying idea. Not just for the pain that was now apparently inevitably in store for him, but also...could the team withstand that kind of heartbreak?

Forming Voltron hinged on love- on the connection between the paladins and their trust in each other. When Pidge had hid her grief about her family’s disappearance, they hadn’t even been able to mind meld. And, if Allura hurt him, Lance would still love her, but if her rejection made him feel like that, he would never let her into his mind to see it. Knowing she’d caused him pain would destroy her. That’s the kind of person she was- it’s why he loved her so much.

So...if he told her how he felt, that would be it, wouldn’t it? He wouldn’t be able to form Voltron. He’d have to leave the team. Maybe it was the combination of heartbreak and that sacrifice of his purpose that brought on the crushing sobs he’d felt.

Yeah. That made a lot of sense.

He’d come back around to the mouth of the cave again and glanced inside to where Shiro and Pidge were both asleep. He looked up at Red where it’s eyes were dim, lit only by the screens at work within.

The thing that he couldn’t understand- why would he go to  _Keith_  for comfort? Hunk would make a lot more sense- but then, Hunk would probably just laugh at him. Hunk had known Lance through every one of his little crushes, so of course he didn’t understand how serious Lance felt about Allura...all the things he could imagine becoming for her.

He was always so desperate to make Hunk smile, to keep up with his friend’s good humor, maybe he’d made himself into ‘the goofball’ they all thought he was. In fact, no one really took him seriously. Maybe that’s why Allura would reject him- if he tried to be serious, it would freak her out. She’d call him out. And maybe...maybe Hunk wouldn’t look at him the same when he came back- older, cooler and more grizzled.

Did that mean Keith would look at him different?

“Are the scans still running?”

Lance turned. Shiro was standing behind him, one of their survival blankets pulled tight around his shoulders. “Ah- yeah. Red knows we don’t need him awake right now. He’s just napping.”

Shiro watched his face for a long moment, then gave a fond smile that probably matched the one Lance was wearing.

Lance trained his face neutral. They talked more over the last fifty quintents than Lance figured they had over all their time in space, but never about the important stuff. Always just goofing off and keeping occupied. “Shiro, can I ask you something?” he said.

“Sure.”

“If you were inside the Black lion the whole time…” he heard every desperate plea Lance had made for the chance to lead the team. “Why did you pick Keith? I mean, I know he’s your favorite-”

Shiro sent him a sharp look that cut him off. “It had nothing to do with that. Keith needed the team to need him. He needed to understand why  _he_  needs the team.”

Lance turned away and stared at the horizon, the strange shapes that passed and cast shadows over their view. He didn’t know what to say, feeling weird and exposed. It took a few ticks to form his thoughts, “Sometimes he doesn’t though. Like...he’s gone off on his own so much lately and then he just...comes back and saves all our asses.”

“I get what you mean.”

And that...was not what Lance expected. He whipped his attention back to Shiro and frowned. “Okay, you know it’s hard for me to admit when Keith is cool- you don’t have to agree with me.”

Shiro let out a small huff that sounded something like a laugh. He dropped to sit on the ground with a weary grunt that suited his grey hair. “Lance, if Keith’s been saving anyone’s ass- it’s mine.”

“...Right.” So, they were going to have this conversation now. Lance wasn't sure if he was ready for that.

“You probably know I met Keith at a vulnerable time in his life," Shiro said. "I helped him when he really needed someone, but...I’m glad he found Krolia. He needs someone like that to protect him.” Like a Galra? Like an agent of the Blades of Marmora? Lance wasn’t sure what Shiro meant and that must have shown on his face because Shiro explained. “Someone who can actually...be there.”

Lance wanted to snort at that, but Shiro’s face was turned down and shadowed with regret. He wanted to give some reassurance that he’d been a great mentor for Keith- for all of them, but...well, he’d put Shiro on a pedestal. He hadn’t been disappointed by the man in the flesh, but…it hadn’t really been Shiro for a long time anyway, so what could he say? “You’re there for us, Shiro,” he tried. “More than I’ve been there for you, at least-”

“Lance…” Shiro stopped him again and levelled him with a steady look, piercing and perceptive. “It’s not your fault...there’s no way you could’ve known it wasn’t me. You had no reason to even suspect.”

Oh no- “But Keith did! He found you because he never stopped-”

“Keith never knows when to stop,” Shiro cut him off sharply, more frustration in his voice than Lance had heard in a long time, but it was much gentler than what he’d known from Kuron. “Sometimes that stubbornness can be helpful. Sometimes it gets people killed. That’s not the lesson to be learned here.”

“Then what is?”

“That none of this is any one person’s responsibility,” Shiro's voice was firm, decided. It was obvious that he'd thought about this a great deal. “Keith was wrong to chase Kuron. If Allura hadn’t been able to revive me, it would’ve been a wasted effort that risked the lives of the whole team, and nearly got him killed. What would’ve happened if he’d died and you couldn’t form Voltron to fight Lotor?”

Lance dropped to sit beside Shiro and frowned down at his feet. He hadn’t known Keith almost died…

“When he realized it wasn’t me, he kept fighting until the station collapsed. If I hadn’t been in Black and if she hadn’t listened to me, he would’ve fallen to his death.” Shiro was frowning at the event horizon on the abyss. “Nothing about what Keith did made sense. If you’d pulled the team away from their mission because something weird happened in the astral plane it also wouldn’t have made sense. Don’t beat yourself up over not doing something brash and reckless and then getting wildly lucky that everyone just happens to be perfectly situated to make it work out.”

“Well...I mean, Keith’s brash recklessness comes in handy for situations like that…”

“And stresses me out in every situation.” Shiro looked over at him then lifted an arm to clap a warm hand on his shoulder. “This team can only handle one Keith.”

“Yeah,” Lance said, drifting off to think about that. Keith had always been someone he compared himself to- a benchmark to reach and surpass, but maybe Shiro was right. Maybe they weren’t even running the same race. Now that Keith’s position as Leader was practically solidified, it was probably time to throw in the towel on their rivalry, but...Lance wasn’t sure that was possible. Something in his core could not give it up, refused to start his own path and run against himself, that race would be too humiliating to lose and so he never started.

He didn’t understand how Keith did it- how he could be so sure he was running in the right direction. He’d always be out on his own adventures, growing and changing and coming back more and more grizzled and attractive and out of reach. Lance didn’t wanna think about it.

He probably liked Keith better when he was just a concept.

The hand on his shoulder fell away and Shiro clapped his hands on his thighs, pushing himself to his feet, probably deciding to go hunt for something to eat or get more firewood.

“Hey, Shiro,” Lance said. He felt lame for letting the conversation die. “Y’know, Keith’s really good at being on his own. It’s kinda his thing. Whenever he chooses to be- for whatever reason, you didn’t make him that way by neglecting him or anything...”

Shiro stood still for a long while, considering that. Then, he glanced down and put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing. "Thank you, Lance."

 ...

_“Did you ask why he started the fight?”_

_“It doesn’t matter.”_

_The scene opened in the personal office of the Garrison academic commander. As the highest-ranked training officer, whatever issues came to her were of the most severe importance- expulsions usually. Right now, she was sitting behind a desk with Shiro standing at attention._

_But, this wasn’t about him._

_Through the office window, Lance could see a familiar mop of black hair. Even on that tiny frame- he’d recognize that mullet anywhere. Keith was faced forward, obediently minding his own business, but Lance knew what it was like to be in that chair- he knew Keith could hear every word that was said in here._

_“He’s keeping up with his grades,” Shiro said, “and his scores in our initial test batteries have been excellent- he has so much potential-”_

_“He has an anger management problem.”_

_Shiro pinched his mouth, mollified. This wasn’t just a question of academics, and Lance was sure Shiro knew that well. The Galaxy Garrison tested for psychological attributes, leadership capabilities and psyche evaluations were a major requirement to be a good officer, and the Garrison passed only the best. “Just give him another chance- I’ll work with him personally.”_

_“We are beyond second chances with him,” the commander said. “The only reason this kid is here is because you vouched for him- you need to make sure that this doesn’t happen again._

_“Understood. I’ll handle it.”_

_Shiro stepped out of the office and Lance followed, stopping cold in the doorway. He had always been in Keith’s class, so technically Lance should recognize him, but they had both changed so much, he barely knew who this little boy was. It didn’t help that Lance could remember what he’d thought of Keith back then- the mean kid who was too good to talk to anyone, too bad to listen to teachers...instead there was just this kid, small and brittle, just barely keeping himself together under layers of anger and a stiff upper-lip. The facade was so much more fragile than Lance remembered, he couldn’t believe he’d ever bought it._

_Keith was scratched-up, bruised around the mouth and hands- obviously punches were thrown, and glancing to the other chairs outside the office, Lance could tell that Keith wasn’t the only one involved in the fight._

_Though, knowing Keith, he’d gone into it alone._

_As Lance stood in the doorway, another kid- bruised in the same ways- walked through him and past Shiro into the commander’s office, glaring directly at Keith. So- three of them. Leave it to Keith to take on three other kids._

_“Hey…” Shiro said, stopping to stand beside the boy._

_“Look. I know I messed up,” Keith said, keeping his eyes firmly down. “You should just send me back to the home already. This place isn’t for me.”_

_The home? Lance shouldn’t be surprised by that- he’d known Keith was orphaned, but it was hard to reconcile the bitterness he’d felt towards Keith as kids and the protective feeling he had towards this little boy now. No wonder the guy had been so cold, so trapped in himself._

_“Keith. You can do this,” Shiro was saying. “I will never give up on you, but more importantly, you can’t give up on yourself.”_

_It was such a classic Shiro pep-talk, Lance could’ve rolled his eyes, but he recognized the words. How many times had Keith insisted that they couldn’t "give up" on Shiro? Lance was pretty sure he’d even heard Keith once admit that Shiro was ‘the only person who never gave up on me’, and like...damn. It was wild what sorts of things stuck with young, impressionable kids, but...this felt like more than that. Here, in the vulnerability of this memory, it was obvious that Keith was a kid who really didn’t get these kinds of pep-talks very often._

_Shiro put a hand on little-Keith’s shoulder and motioned for him to walk with him away from the other kids waiting to see the advisor. Lance followed. “I know your heart was in the right place,” Shiro said. “Those kids had no right to be picking on you, and I’m sure you didn’t instigate them-”_

_“I didn’t!”_

_Shiro stopped him once they rounded the corner and he knelt down beside him, at eye-level. “But, it doesn’t mean you can lash out-”_

_“You didn’t hear what they were saying!”_

_“No.” Shiro’s brows knit, “You told me they were calling you gay-"_

_“I don’t care about that,” Keith huffed. “They kept saying that’s why she left- my mom!”_

_Shiro’s frown deepened in sympathy. “Keith, you know that’s impossible,” he said, “whatever her reasons were- it couldn’t have been that.”_

_“I know!” Keith wiped at his eyes furiously. “I just...they think it’s funny!”_

_“No, Keith. They know it’s not- but they know it’ll hurt you to laugh. You still can’t react with violence,” Shiro said. “There will always be people that wanna hurt you.”_

_“Because I’m gay.”_

_“Because you’re you. The reasons don’t matter.”_

_From where he was watching, Lance wanted to help. It always sucked to watch kids cry, but this kid was Keith- and he was crying for a damn good reason. Then, Shiro reached up and put a comforting hand on the side of Keith’s head, warm and protective, and Lance had never been more grateful for Shiro's steady kindness._

_“What matters is that you know who you are.”_

Lance was ejected from the vision, startling awake in his sleeping roll and sitting up. He pushed his hands into his eyes and felt they were wet- sympathetic tears. He’d always known Keith got in fights when they were kids, but he’d never heard of him being picked on. After the memory he just saw, Keith beating up three other kids- it probably didn’t happen much. The Keith that he had known intimidated everyone.

They’d run in separate circles as young academy boys, and Lance had been so nervous to be there- so anxious to live up to the opportunity, he’d surrounded himself with high achievers. Keith didn’t enter that circle until...probably a few months after that memory.

It probably had a lot to do with what Shiro said.

“You saw that, didn’t you?” Shiro was sitting up in his own bedroll, watching Lance from the other side of the cave. Lance rubbed the back of his neck and tried not to look too awkward about that question, but he didn’t have to answer. The older man just sighed. “Let’s take a walk.”

There were no seasons on a planet fish. If not for their own timepieces and the marks they kept on the cave walls, it wouldn’t have felt like a year had passed. By now, they knew every path up and down the forests of the creature, so Lance knew that Shiro was taking him on a long walk. They left Pidge on watch in Red’s cockpit. The time fluctuations didn’t reach anyone inside the lion, so she wouldn't have seen the memory that Lance did.  This would be a private conversation on a subject that Lance really didn’t want to consider.

It’s not like it bothered him to know Keith was gay- he wouldn’t have guessed it, but it didn’t change the way he thought of the guy. It was just...something more for him to consider about that intimate and intimidating glimpse at the future that he'd he diligently repressed, his own hands clutching at Keith’s shoulders and Keith’s hands in his hair as he sobbed- as he _would_ sob. He didn't think it was anything more than seeking comfort from a friend, but he couldn't imagine falling apart like that with just anyone...

What was he supposed to think?

“I don’t know if that was the way Keith would’ve had you learn about this,” Shiro was saying carefully. “It’s sort of personal.”

Lance kicked at a stone in the pathway, hands shoved into his pockets. “You mean that he’s gay…?” Shiro gave him a look, brow raised and challenging. Lance was sure he hadn't made it sound like the idea made him uncomfortable- because it didn't. Not because he was judging  _Keith_  at least. “Right. Well, it’s not like I’d mention it- unless y’know he wants to tell me himself.”

Shiro nodded and that was that.

They kept walking.

It didn’t seem like Shiro had anything more to say, and Lance felt too unsure to make idle conversation. This little hike was probably encouragement for self-reflection, but all this silence, space to think- that was Keith’s thing. He was always the one admiring nature and zoning off during team outings. Even if another year passed here, another two years, Lance wasn’t sure he’d gain much out of being here. He just...wasn’t as good at self-reflection. No, that wasn’t quite it. Keith was just better at...knowing himself. Shiro had apparently always seen that in him.

“I wish you’d come back to the team,” Lance said, breaking the silence.

Shiro turned and looked at him curiously. “What’re you talking about? You have five good pilots without me.”

Lance clenched his hands in his coat, pulling it down on his shoulders and shrugging.

“Is this about Keith being Team Leader?”

Lance shrugged again. “Yeah? I mean, I dunno. It’s not a bad thing. He’s actually been pretty great at it.”

“Yeah, he has. So, why would you want me to take it from him.”

“I don’t!” Lance backpedaled, reeling at how poorly he was saying this, “I mean, it’s not that Keith shouldn’t be Leader, I just don’t think I should be his right hand, y’know?”

That admission sat in the air until Shiro’s expression shifted into something like understanding, and well, shit. They walked forward in loaded silence for what felt like an eternity, so when Shiro finally spoke, Lance’s expectations of some grand wisdom had grown uncontrollable. “I know this isn’t about what you just saw, so where is this coming from?”

He was not prepared for a question. Apparently the long silence was supposed to give him space to think, but Lance had realized too late. “I don’t know!” he said again. “He just came back so...different, y’know?  He’s so self-assured and focused now, and I could barely get him to listen to me before-”

Shiro laughed then. It wasn’t unkind, but it was enough to make Lance thoroughly confused. “Keith doesn’t listen to anyone once his mind is set,” he said. “But, I’ve seen you redirect him when no one else could. That respect wasn’t gonna go away just because he was older than you for about two seconds.”

“Respect,” Lance scoffed. Maybe Shiro had been in Black and seen Keith’s fumbled first attempts at leadership, but there was a difference between speaking reason in the heat of battle and being taken seriously as a person. Lance could really only ever do the former- he at least got that out of his Garrison training. “Keith doesn’t respect me.”

“Of course he does.”

“Then why’d he ask you to babysit me on this mission-?”

“Lance.” Shiro stopped him because he was arguing. It took him an extra tick to comprehend what he was actually saying, “Wait- you think he asked me to…”

Lance raised his brows expectantly.

“Keith had nothing to do with this,” Shiro said. “It was Allura who suggested it- and I figured it’d be a good place to rest.”

“Allura sent you?”

“Yes, and not to babysit you!” Shiro grabbed his shoulder and stopped him, turning him around. “Honestly. I think she just wanted me to have a chance to talk to you about the clone- Keith said you were...pretty torn up about it.”

They’d already had this discussion. Lance shrugged the hand off his shoulder, but he didn’t turn away. He didn’t believe a pep-talk was the only reason Allura would ask Shiro to go with him- and Lance couldn’t blame her. He wouldn’t entrust his entire race to him either.

“We really don’t talk enough, Lance. That’s my fault.”

Okay, that caught Lance’s attention.

“The truth is, you remind me a lot of myself when I was your age, kinda goofy but loyal and protective, worried about your appearance but only because you see so much good in everyone else,” Shiro was smiling in reminiscence and Lance was confused- but not displeased- with the comparison. “I think I assumed that, whatever advice I could give you was something you’d already know. I guess I forgot how many things I had to be told. Or maybe I thought someone else would tell you...” he scratched the back of his head with a self-depreciating chuckle, “I’m really not as good at the mentor thing as I like to think I am- it’s probably why I took Keith under my wing. He always just figured himself out.”

“You helped him more than you think.”

Shiro didn’t argue with that, but he caught mild bitterness in Lance’s voice and put a hand on his back, “Well then, I wanna help you too,” he said, and gently directed him forward, back on the path. “You’ve been bothered by something since we came out here.”

“I’ve just had a lot on my mind.”

“Allura?”

“Um-” Lance pushed his hands back into his pockets and clamped his mouth shut for a second, feeling like an idiot fish with it gaping open. But, “Yeah...am I that obvious?”

Shiro gave him a short look.

“Yeah, okay,” he sighed. “I know. I know she’s never been interested in me. She’s never liked my flirting and I know she’s an awesome badass princess...way out of my league. I never had a chance.” It felt strange to say that aloud- especially to Shiro. He’d always been so desperate to impress him, and here he was admitting the one thing he’d never been able to say aloud. The biggest, fakest performance of confidence he’d ever put on.

When he turned and looked at the older paladin, he was relieved to see that Shiro wasn’t laughing at him. “Well, I wouldn’t count yourself out,” he said slowly. “I mean, it’s dangerous to assume anyone’s feelings- not to mention presumptuous,” Lance flinched at the mild reprimand, “but, I do think she would’ve properly rejected you by now if she knew her own feelings. Maybe it does mean something that she’s held off on making her choice final.”

Lance looked at him, feeling the dangerous slip of hope.

Shiro’s expression was a clear warning to temper that, “I’m just saying- we all have potential to grow and maybe become the kind of person that someone wants to be with. The princess knows that. You haven’t done anything for her to dismiss that potential, and she’s obviously recognized it. She’s not out of your league.”

“You think so?”

“I’m just making an observation, Lance,” Shiro’s tone was level and rational. “Maybe she’ll like you back one day and you’ll have your romantic dates and intimate conversations- whatever you’re imagining. Maybe you’ll love her forever, but I’m not saying you should wait for her to love you back.”

Lance opened his mouth, the mushy stories he’d been fed all his life- about waiting for the one you love, about dedicating your heart and being patient- all waiting to fall out, but-

“In fact, I think waiting is the  _worst_  thing you could do," Shiro said. "She has a war to lead and...romance might not be something she’s ready to focus on for a  _long_  time. Even then, there’s no guarantee she’ll choose you, so if it’s something you want...maybe you should be open to alternatives. There will be someone out there who _is_ ready. Someone will choose you.”

“I change my mind,” Lance said, putting on a sour expression, “Keith can have you back. I don’t want a mentor.”

Shiro laughed, “Tough luck, buddy.”

__________

After two dobashes, Keith stopped checking his watch. He didn’t want to know how long had passed in the abyss or think about what that meant for his friends- or their mission.

He had enough to worry about. They were bringing a whole planet of Altean refugees out into open space and had to be ready to take them somewhere safe. There was no telling who in the Galra Empire knew about the source of Lotor’s quintessence- or about the superweapon Ranveig had created from it. As soon as Red returned to the assembly area with their refugee pods, there would be a target on this location and it’d only be a matter of time before someone noticed it.

When it came to timeliness, Keith decided Matt Holt was a godsend. He’d flown off the frontlines to help Coran make arrangements to relocate the refugees to a planet, Pollux, which was hidden between a pair of nebulas, sparsely-occupied by unintelligent creatures and safe behind coalition lines. Turned out Matt had become something of a celebrity in his own right with friendly ties to many coalition leaders for various favors he’d run. He stayed in the Blades of Marmora’s carrier ship and handled the diplomatic pieces of their plan, setting up security and construction crews for the new settlement while Coran provided details about Altean culture for reference.

It let Keith focus on the security aspect. He commanded a detail of fighters from the Blades as well as Hunk and Allura’s lions. It was just a small patrol for a few dobashes, but there was still so much to delegate. As they flew rotations around the perimeter of the abyss, Keith was starting to think maybe Shiro was right. Something in this felt natural. He had always been stubborn, bossy, expected people to follow his lead or leave him alone.

But, maybe he could do this whole Leadership thing.

That’s when everything went wrong.

__________

Two years had been a close estimate of how long it took to reach the colony, but for Lance, that’s where the real work began. The Alteans barely understood what the transport pods were used for- much less how to fly one. The idea of going out into the open universe terrified most of them, and they were set on waiting for Lotor to return for them, so training began in fits and starts. A few individuals stepped up as leaders to convince others to take the flying lessons until eventually, they had enough pilots to operate all the transports that Lotor’s crew had left. They would be able to evacuate about half the planet in this first sweep.

Lance was glad to have Shiro. People tended to rally behind him and he definitely moved things along. It helped that the Alteans were highly-intelligent and they picked flying up quickly. Still, by the time they got moving, they were close to the four-year mark, and Lance was just ready to get back to the other paladins, praying for everything to go smoothly.

As they neared the edge of the abyss, that hope was dashed. While Lance was focused on evading the abyss monsters and keeping all the Altean pods on course through their hyperspeed jump, Coran’s voice came through in a crackling message over Red’s comms, _“Do not-....the abyss. I repeat- not exit the abyss!”_

“Do not exit?” Lance glanced back over his shoulder at Shiro.

At his side, Pidge adjusted the communicator until Coran’s voice came through clearly. _“Galra ships have arrived!" he was saying. "We're fighting them off- but the paladins have been hit with some kind of mental attack- I believe it’s a forced mind meld, but I’ve never seen anything like it. If you leave now, whoever is controlling them will take you too. I don’t know their goal- but it cannot be good!”_

“A forced meld?” Lance said. “Is that possible?”

Pidge shook her head, perplexed. “I mean...the Alteans had technology that assisted us in melding- and that was designed ten-thousand years ago. It’s possible the Galra have found a way to weaponize it.”

Shiro was leaning over the back of Lance’s seat. “But, for what purpose…?”

“And how do we fight it?” Lance said.

Coran’s message blipped back up as if he could hear their conversation, _“I think we can fight this with the buddy system!”_ he said. His voice had taken on a new tenor of panic since the last message as if he’d been desperately trying to think of a way to stop whatever he was seeing on the other side. Lance exchanged looks with his passengers.  _“When you meld minds to form Voltron, the connection between all the paladins is equal. If you enter a meld and connect your mind really tight to one other paladin- you might be able to keep each other from reaching out for everyone else. So, as soon as you go under, latch onto the first person you find and do whatever it takes to pull them out! If it doesn’t work, I have no idea what-”_

There was a rumbling of explosions and the message blipped off. Red’s cockpit fell into silence.

Then, “Well...are we ready for this?” Lance said. It was either stay here and keep fending off the abyss spider-monsters or go out into the fight and save their friends.

Pidge nodded slowly and Shiro said, “Take us out.”

 ...

_Lance had never seen Altea. Whenever Allura entered the meld that let them form Voltron, all he ever got were her feelings about her home, similar to every other paladin's feelings, but less homesickness and more sorrow. He was excited to see the beautiful advanced cities that Coran always described. He reached for her-_

_Instead, he opened his eyes to a dusty shack, “Oh no…”_

_A toddler with black hair was curled up under the arm of an older man who looked a lot like Keith- his father? Is that what Keith would look like in ten years?_

_When the kid caught sight of Lance, he flickered, then stood as his limbs stretched out and shoulders widened. He'd aged twenty years in the blink of an eye- back to the man Lance recognized. The sight of his face filled in what memory had lost, and Keith stared back at him blankly for a few extra seconds as if he didn't recognize the man he was seeing, "Lance? What the hell are you doing here?"_

_At least Keith was just as unhappy to see him as he was to be here. “Picking you up, I guess."_

_“What’re you..." Keith glanced back at his father as if considering how to hide the evidence of this. "Get out!”_

_“Yeah, I’d love to, believe me-" Lance was sure that he'd been reaching for Allura, so the fact that he was here must mean Keith had been reaching for him and he chose to be angry about that. "You’re the one that dragged me here!”_

_“No I didn’t!” Keith huffed. "I don't even know what I'm doing here. Maybe if you'd explain..." but he drifted as he spoke, his form starting to fade, a dull transparency draining him of color. He looked down at his hands, brows knit in confusion. "Lance, I think-"_

_“Oh no you don’t!” Lance lunged with his fist balled, punching blindly._

_The hit found it's mark on Keith's cheek and he reeled, "Ow! What the hell!”_

_“You can’t go into the meld!”_

_“Jeez, fine!" Keith growled, covering his jaw with his hand and glaring dangerously. He took a second to rub at his face and steady himself, "Just...tell me what’s happening."_

_But before Lance could explain, Keith started fading again. He didn't even seem aware of it, and Lance wasn't really sure how to stop it- punching had only given him a second, but the physical contact worked and he was desperate, so before Keith could disappear into the meld, Lance tackled, throwing himself at Keith’s waist so they both fell hard into the dusty floor- and through-_

He jolted forward in his seat. Back in Red- leaving the abyss.

At his back, Pidge clapped him on the shoulder, “About time," she said.

He looked over and both his fellow paladins had already pulled out of their own melds. Through the screens, he could see the other lions in motion, but he still had to check, "Is everyone out?"

"Hunk's good and Shiro got Allura," Pidge reported.

Lance was glad to hear everyone was safe, but it hit him then- “Aw man...does this mean I’m connected to  _Keith_?”

"Lance!" Shiro shouted just before a laser made a direct hit, jolting everyone in Red's cockpit. "I think we have bigger problems..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments would be great!


	3. Push and Pull

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are some darker topics in this chapter. If suicide mentions are a big issue for you, skip the last part.

The battle was short. Once the paladins were awake and Pidge had reached Green, they’d barely formed Voltron before the Galra were in retreat. Keith decided to focus on speculating about why that was rather than thinking about how Lance had popped into his mind, stubbled and intense, looking like something out of a wet dream (nightmare)- before promptly punching him in the face.

Keith wasn’t excited to see him again as they docked their lions and stepped out into the hangar, but there was no point in getting caught up on it. Lance had always been attractive and Keith had known the abyss would age him. If he could ignore that attraction before, it shouldn’t be a problem now. Luckily, as the paladins converged in the center of the hanger, Lance wasted no time in opening his mouth and making it easy.

“I can’t believe you guys ditched me with Keith-” he turned, “you’re welcome by the way.”

Keith opened his mouth to bite back, but Lance was too loud.

“You’re loss, though- we all saw what happened out there, right? One look at me and- schting!” he swung his arm like he was holding Red’s sword and swung it around a few times then dropped his hands to his hips for a heroic pose. “I think I scared ‘em off.”

“Right. That was all you,” Pidge's words were stopped when a tearful Hunk grabbed both her and Lance and lifted them into a tight hug, gushing about how much he’d missed them.

Though- they’d only been gone a few hours.

Matt came out on deck next and the team dissolved into reunions while Keith looked on from a short distance. However long they had been in the time dilation, Lance and Pidge hadn’t changed much. They were still funny and loose, talking easily and making jokes among themselves. They didn’t take themselves too seriously and part of Keith was relieved for their antics. He'd been afraid they’d lose that in the abyss.

Part of him could admit he’d been most afraid _Lance_ would lose it- but that was only because it was Lance always prodding him and forcing him out of his shell whether he liked it or not. Maybe Lance was annoying and insulting and downright cruel sometimes, but there was value in connecting to others, and Lance could make an excellent bridge- even when he was a dick about it.

Keith knew, if he let the conversation go long enough, Lance would find a way to pull him in- some petty jab or an invitation to argue. Unfortunately, there wasn’t time to wait for that, “We need to discuss what happened out there,” he said, raising his voice above the din. “Meet in the control room in two vargas for the debrief.”

Everyone nodded, smiles falling as usual.

 ...

“The only person who may know anything about how the paladins’ minds meld would be Haggar,” Allura was saying, arms folded over her chest and picking at her lip in thought. “I saw her research while Lotor and I were working on the sincline ships. She was obsessively trying to understand the bonds between Lion and pilot. I assumed it was to aid Zarcon in tracking us through the Black lion, but it may have been more than that.”

“Well, I think she found some answers,” Shiro said, “and she lost control of her clone- it was only a matter of time before she made her next move.”

The room was closed off to everyone but the paladins and Coran who insisted that he’d been absolutely discreet in investigating what was going on when all the lions had simultaneously frozen in their spot and dropped out of the fight. Away from the eyes of the coalition and among his own teammates, Keith felt no need to speak up or direct the conversation, content to sit back and gather information while his partners talked.

“She’s probably been working on this since she planted Kuron. We formed Voltron with him, so his mind was attached to ours several times-” Lance said, helpfully. “She would’ve had plenty of time to get access to us.”

“But why?” Pidge said.

“Maybe she wants us to mind meld and form Voltron and bring it directly to her!” Hunk said.

It sounded completely feasible and the idea rippled through the room with an anxious energy. Then, Shiro shook his head, “I’m not so sure that’s all of it, Hunk,” he said. “I’ve been thinking- it’s strange...how she was so interested in me. Zarkon was always just after the Black lion, but I think her focus was beyond having Voltron just to have him- why else would she clone me after Zarkon killed me in the astral plane?”

“To spy on us,” Lance said easily and Keith agreed- it seemed that simple.

But, Shiro shook his head again. “Then...why create a clone that has no idea it’s a clone. Planting a spy was for Zarkon’s war, but keeping all my memories was a risk if she didn’t give Kuron context for any of the gaps- once he started figuring out he was a clone, his memories would make even less sense and she’d risk losing control of him or having him tell one of you that something was wrong.”

“Unless she didn’t do it on purpose,” Hunk offered.

“She’s much too intelligent for that,” Allura said. She was picking at her lip again, gears turning in her head. “Coran, pull up the ship’s memory from the battle.” He did, and after studying the fighter pods that surrounded the main cruiser, he noticed whatever Allura was thinking- though it was still beyond Keith. They zoomed in on one of the jets…

Keith recognized that pilot- one of Lotor’s former generals. “They’re with Haggar now?”

“Whatever she’s doing, it’s related to his work in the quintessence field,” Allura said, “and I fear...her plans may be even more nefarious than his ever were.”

 ...

The meeting dissolved to let everyone step aside and collect their thoughts. Keith left to check on the second wave of refugees which Matt’s rebel pilots delivered. Even at a hyperspeed jump, a few of them hadn’t made it through either by technical error or creature attacks. But, overall, they would safely transport a generation of Alteans to a new home, and that was a victory in Keith’s books.

After a short conversation with Coran, he regrouped the team for their next task. The Blade of Marmora didn’t have a rec room like the Castleship, but there was an empty briefing room with some stiff couches. Keith waited for everyone to gather there, already in varying states of undress and leisurewear, and he dropped the bomb- “We have to train.”

There was a collective groan, and Hunk whined, “At what? We just finished two long missions, Keith!”

“I’m with Hunk on this one,” Allura said, frowning. There were dark patches under her eyes and she was unusually pale. “I need to prepare my address to the Alteans...and well…”

Keith wasn’t blind to it- he was exhausted too, but, “We don’t know when Haggar will attack again,” he said. “We need to be prepared to defend ourselves if she tries her meld while we’re in battle.”

“So you mean _train_ as in…”

Lance had been quiet up to that point and Keith turned in time to catch the slip of apprehension in his eyes, “Yes.”

Shiro’s voice was the deciding factor. “Keith’s right. We need to practice resisting the meld- Coran, can you set up a mind trainer like the we had on the castle?”

“I’m sure I can whip something up!” Coran said. “In the meantime, you all should consider how you were able to escape.”

A short stretch of silence passed and everyone shifted around, trying to get comfortable on the couches- though Keith knew they weren’t made for that. It was Allura who spoke up first, “Well, Shiro kissed me,” she said, smiling warmly and touching her palm to her temple.

“What!”

“Her forehead, Lance,” Shiro said.

Pidge and Hunk were stifling their smirks when Keith glanced over at them, “Hunk was easy,” she said. “I was just so happy to see him, I jumped into a hug and we fell out of the meld instantly.” She glanced over at Allura keenly, “I guess the pattern is a show of affection.”

Keith snorted at that and everyone’s eyes turned towards him, but he was looking at Lance. Their eyes followed his direction in shocked curiosity and the blue paladin’s face was darkening red in a way that made Keith want to roll his eyes. “Lance punched me,” he said, flat.

“Oh…” Pidge’s mouth fell open, “never mind.”

“You each bonded over a mental touch-” Coran said, hand running over his mustache thoughtfully, “you all made contact between your astral forms in a way that expressed your true feelings for each other. Shiro a fond kiss, Pidge a friendly glomp…and...Lance?”

Everyone turned and looked at Lance again, and Keith could’ve laughed at the idea of ever being worried about this scruffy, sexy version of him. Nothing else about him had changed. “A clumsy punch,” Keith answered.

“Clumsy!”

Coran frowned, “Yes. Not sure what to make of that, but if it works,” he shrugged.

Lance was still gaping like a fish. “So what, we just have to throw hands every time Haggar tries to hijack our minds?”

 ...

While Coran set up the mind trainer, the team discussed the prospect of recruiting help from the Blade of Marmora or the coalition forces. They agreed, if possible, they should try not to let it spread that they knew of Haggar’s ability to force a meld, but informing at least Krolia and Kolvian would help them gain intelligence about whatever connection there was between Lotor’s generals and Haggar.

Pidge insisted that Matt should know as well. Shiro automatically agreed to trust him and Keith didn’t have any protests after working with her brother on this last mission.

Coran returned with the headpieces to start practicing and explained his plan in simple terms, “You will break into the same teams- since that seemed to work the first time. Two buddy pairs will fall into the group meld and attempt to drag in the third pair while those two paladins practice their method of resisting.”

“Sounds simple enough,” Hunk said, holding up the headpiece and starting to put it on.

“It should be!” Coran said cheerfully. “An Altean child could do these drills!”

“It's perfect,” Allura said, “thank you, Coran.”

 ...

It was not perfect. Keith decided that immediately.

Pidge and Hunk resisted their melds with ease. Shiro and Allura took a few more ticks to get it down but found their balance after a few tries.

Then Keith and Lance took their turn. In the very first meld, Keith woke up in the shack he’d been squatting in outside the Garrison. He’d thought he’d have more control over where their memories were taking them and he wasn’t sure that he liked ending up in his own head. _He’d known Lance would be there, but it was still jarring to find him knelt over his washbasin with his sleeves rolled up. “About time you got here.”_

_“What’re you doing?” Keith said. He glanced down at Lance’s hands in his sink, “Are you washing my dishes?”_

_“Mama didn’t raise a slob, Keith. This place is disgusting.”_

_“Well then, it’s a good thing you don’t live here,” he clipped back, irritated._

_“But you did,” Lance said. “I thought this place was messy when I saw it- but I guess that was you being clean. Is this how you took care of yourself?”_

_Really, what right did Lance have to sound surprised- as if he expected a seventeen year old kid to be the pinnacle of domestic hygiene while- “I was kinda focused on more important things.”_

_Lance raised a brow and jabbed a thumb at Keith’s pin-board, “Like your Garrison conspiracy theory?”_

_“Like finding your lion.”_

_“Oh right, because you knew that was gonna happen.”_

_“It worked out for you, you never had to give me shit for it.”_

_“I’m not gonna thank you for dumb luck-”_

_“I’m not telling you to thank me!”_

_“No, just to let you take all the credit for something cool and clever that you didn’t actually do.”_

_“Shut up, Lance! I don’t need you coming into my house just to be a dick.”_

They fell out of the meld. It didn’t feel like a success, but technically that’s what was supposed to happen, so Keith looked over at the other paladins, “Did we do it?”

Shiro was frowning, wide-eyed, “Keith...we hadn’t even started.”

 ...

The next few tries went about the same. Keith quickly figured out how Lance had pushed the meld into his mind, and it was a lot easier than he expected to rifle through locations when it was somewhere they’d both been together. Lance’s individual memories were more like blurry screens in the space between their minds, and it was hit or miss whether Keith could go into those- somehow Lance was blocking him out. His boundaries were unclear, usually comfortable in whatever setting his head offered, but then occasionally shoving Keith out with the force of a battering ram.

Any time Keith let the meld fall into his own head, Lance just...picked the same old shack in the desert.

Keith sort of wondered why, but it didn’t matter. No matter where they were, they always got sucked into the group meld because Lance always said something stupid and they dissolved into arguing. Obviously, the only reason they’d been able to escape Haggar’s meld in the first place was the fact that the other paladins had already left and Lance’s push threw them out of their own heads.

Lance also insisted they were _not_ going to punch each other every time they slipped towards the meld. That tactic was off limits after the first time Keith did it-

“We are not doing that again!” Lance had cried as soon as they fell out. He was clutching at his chin as if he could feel the punch in reality. He was being dramatic.

“It worked,” Keith said. _Finally_ worked might’ve been more accurate. “You got a better idea?”

“Anything’s better than that.”

“You didn’t care when it was you who threw the punch-”

“Keith,” Shiro said.

“What?” All it took was a stern look to put Keith on the defense, but really, “How is that fair? He hit me first!”

“Keith.”

So they tried different things. Shoulder claps weren’t enough. Handshakes did nothing. Fistbumps were also nill. Holding hands just felt stupid. “What about patty-cake?” Lance said, one arm thrown over his face and bent backwards over the armrest of his couch.

“Stop talking,” Keith replied.

 ...

The entire team was suffering, but the longer it went, the more frustrated Keith was getting and the more determined to figure out what was _wrong_ with them. After five vargas, Coran finally intervened. “Maybe what we need is a proper team building exercise!” he said.

Half the room tossed themselves off the couches onto the floor, groaning in the kind of unison that followed a day of melding.

“What do you have in mind?” Shiro said.

Lance groaned. “Oh my God, this is gonna happen.”

“In order to approach each other in a meld, you must know where you stand with your partners,” Coran said, holding a finger up. “To reach that sort of bond, you must be completely comfortable with letting them root around in your little noggins.” He reached down and scratched the top of Pidge’s head. "You have to be able to give up your most important memories."

She swatted him away, horrified.

“No,” Keith said. They were only struggling at all because of him and Lance. That didn’t mean the whole team should have to bare their souls any more than they already did. “Fighting works, why’re we wasting our time with this?”

Lance waved an arm and shook his head violently, “No, no-no- we’re not just punching each other. We agreed.”

“No, _you_ decided,” Keith said. “I didn’t agree.”

“Well, we’re not fightin-”

“Why?”

“Because!”

“Because you’ll lose?”

“Okay, we’re stopping there!” Shiro sat up and shoved an arm out so hard it knocked Keith over onto his side and he grunted. “Keith, can I talk to you?”

Keith grabbed Shiro’s arm and pulled himself up, glowering. He got to his feet as told, but turned back to the team, “This isn’t a break, be ready to go again when we’re back.”

They groaned.

Shiro pulled on his arm and he followed out of the briefing room into the hallway. Keith would feel like a child, getting dragged into a time-out if Shiro didn’t look so much older than he had in the days when that was...exactly what would’ve been happening. But, appearances weren’t something they talked about, and Keith had no intention of changing that because he had no idea how to explain his scar from Kuron or its purplish tinge.

He started talking before the lecture could start, “Shiro...I know what you’re gonna say- Team Leader can’t lose his temper or get so intense,” he said. “But, a leader also puts the mission before his own feelings and doesn’t make excuses. This is me not making excuses- this is how I lead, and maybe it’s not what you do, but it works for me. Lance and I _will_ figure out our own shit-”

“Keith.” Shiro put a firm hand on Keith’s shoulder, letting the weight of it sink in as if to ground him. “Are you upset with what Coran just suggested?”

“What-”

“Because we don’t have to do this right now.” Shiro’s tone was reassuring which was probably the last thing Keith expected. “I know you’re worried about these melds, but if you and Lance need time-”

“Shiro!” Keith stopped him there, shaking his head. It made sense why Shiro might think that he was the one putting up walls, but he knew better by now. Apparently Lance didn’t because- “That’s not the problem,” he said. “I mean, that’s not why I’m against this whole memory thing. I mean, the door’s been open this whole time...at least on _my_ side.”

Shiro frowned and turned his eyes down, a thoughtful expression that made Keith wonder what had happened in the abyss- if Shiro understood Lance in a way he didn’t now. “Well...have you invited him in?” he said slowly.

Keith narrowed his eyes. Shiro was easy to read, and Keith could put two and two together: Shiro's concern and Lance's hesitation. He should’ve known Lance would be too timid to push for anything vulnerable- anything genuine. Lance was always running away from those kinds of things, putting up masks and bravado and instigating petty fights.

It would’ve been obvious sooner if that timidity wasn’t so horribly infectious. No one had ever made Keith doubt himself like Lance did, but he always took the bait, found himself fighting back because responding was easier than questioning. Maybe there was a part of him that hated this exercise because that’s what it was forcing him to do.

He’d have to make the first move. This was not going to be easy.

 ...

 _It wasn’t. Lance resisted with all his mental weight, dragging his feet while Keith struggled to pull him into the scene. He dropped them both on the hillside to watch the tiny funeral procession march away from the small, lonely little boy, crying at his father’s grave._ _He bombarded Lance with all the childhood grief he could remember- fuzzy and numbed with time, but Lance was sobbing anyway. When his jacket felt more solid under Keith’s hand, he felt confident enough to drop his grip without Lance trying to disappear again._

_Instead, Lance collapsed to his knees and sat awkwardly on his legs. “I’m sorry,” he sobbed, “I’m sorry, I know that you don’t want me here…”_

_“I brought you here,” Keith said, incredulous. He glanced back at the little boy cradling himself tightly and shaking apart._ _This moment felt like a summary of...a lot of Keith’s memories._

_Lance curled into himself, wiping his face on the back of his arm. “Still, are you…” he looked up and drifted when he saw the flat look Keith was wearing, then barrelled on anyway. “I mean, are you alright? Do you wanna talk about it?”_

_“I don’t need to talk,” Keith said, firm and ruthless because it was true. He didn’t need or want that. “I need you to focus up.”_

_“I am! You’re the one sending me mental death glares every time we go further back than the garrison.”_

_Keith reeled. “That’s not about you being there,” he said. Of course Shiro was right. Lance was being timid, but maybe...he wasn’t helping that. “It’s about where we are.”_

_“Which is why I don’t go there!”_

_“We have to, Lance.”_

_“Then don’t make it so scary.” Lance’s lip curled in distaste, his glowering expression dulled by the teartracks on his cheeks._

_Keith wanted to growl his frustration, just barely bit back a sharp remark and spoke through gritted teeth, “What am I supposed to do, smile and give you the grand tour of my childhood bullshit? It’s bad enough remembering these things without you tiptoeing around in here like it’s all so...fragile!”_

_“I’m not! You’re like the most…” Lance stopped himself and fumbled for a word, “sturdy person I’ve ever met!” Something about that must have registered as a compliment to him because his cheeks darkened. “I mean...I'm sorry. I don’t mean to tiptoe.”_

_“Then don’t.”_

Lance had been opening his mouth to bite something back, but Keith pulled out of the meld and looked over at him, raising his brows with his mouth set.

Lance met his eyes, then turned away with a determined expression.

 ...

After that, he was better at following Keith through the darker memories. It was all just grief and anger and crushing loneliness. Keith knew what to expect from his own mind, but Lance was...empathetic, absorbing the feelings and echoing them back. Keith wasn’t sure he liked that, so he moved quickly.

He could follow an emotion, a taste or smell, or a few words he remembered and they’d both materialize there. Sometimes it wasn’t even Keith pulling towards a memory, Lance would catch onto a feeling and draw them both into a scene Keith wasn’t even considering until they got there- and then it made sense.  _He hadn’t expected to stop on the night he’d left the Garrison, but there they were, watching him jump out a second-story window and escape into the desert, darting past the academy barrier and dodging the nightly watch rotations._

_It had been either run away or wait for the Garrison to put him on a bus back to the home and Keith hadn’t been about to let that happen._

_He hadn’t remembered anything but anger, but as they followed teenaged-Keith into the desert, Lance was bouncing off waves of panic and shame, a concoction of fear and desperation that Keith had stifled under his own focus._

_“Jeez...how did you survive this?”_ _Lance said._

_Keith shrugged. “We’d already finished our desert survival course-”_

_“No...I mean…” Lance sighed and when Keith turned and looked at him, there was something dark and sympathetic in his expression like maybe Lance knew how much this day had ruined him- how he’d drifted without purpose in the months that followed._

_But, it had been bearable because “It felt natural, I guess,” he said. “I was always sort of trying to disappear anyway.” To avoid all the attention that was always on him at the Garrison. He’d only ever wanted to do some good for the world, make his life useful to someone, but it turned out, working hard towards that goal inevitably pushed him into the spotlight. “Of course it sucked, but…” he shrugged, "I was fine."_

_Lance looked skeptical, but Keith wasn’t lying and...he wondered why Lance would think feeling bad was a life-threatening condition..._

 ...

After that, Keith decided it was past time for Lance to reciprocate. He’d been pulling the other paladin through his own history for two vargas while the other buddy teams had taken breaks and gotten food, showered, napped and returned to watch them, still going at it.

_When they fell into the meld, Keith found a cord of memory that was drifting towards him instinctively, giving off the vibe of Lance's self-doubt. He took hold of it and tugged- only to be pushed out of the meld immediately._

_When they tried again, Keith reached out for his own name and was again repelled._

_The third try, the memory glowed with a happy warmth, but as he touched it and it began opening to the smell of sea air and the sound of laughter, the vague flavor of icing, it turned bitter and horrified._

Lance shoved him out with _force_ , and he jolted awake with his head pounding, “Ow, Lance!” he huffed, “What the hell, you have to let me in!”

“No I don’t! You can’t just _make_ someone share shit like that!”

“What’re you talking about?”

Lance didn’t answer, already tearing the headpiece off and tossing it onto the center table. He stormed out of the briefing room, leaving everyone in dazed confusion.

“What’s his problem?” Keith said.

Five pairs of eyes turned on him wearing mixtures of confusion and accusation. It was Hunk who turned away first, frowning. “I dunno,” he admitted. “But, there are some messy chapters in Lance’s life too, y’know?”

Keith knit his brow at the mild accusation in that. Of course he knew, everyone had their own problems, but...that was the point of this. That’s why he’d shown Lance everything he had, bore his heart to him in every way he knew how. Keith had always known he kept his own walls up, but taking them down meant that Lance had to do the same, right?

Apparently not though. And really, screw him for letting Keith go through that. If that last memory was so personal, he could keep it. Keith didn’t have the time to get Lance to open up to him, nor was that a distraction he wanted at all.

Maybe it was for the best that Lance remain a mystery. It had always been obvious that there was a lot going on underneath the mask, the kind of depths that Keith would eagerly explore if given permission and opportunity, but that could take days. Lance could go be human, complex and layered on his own time.

Keith had a planet of Alteans to take care of and they couldn’t afford to be dead in space, trapped in their own heads. Never again.

__________

It was probably stupid to throw off the mind trainer and rush out of the briefing room. Lance knew he was being transparent, but it’s not like anyone would notice anything wrong. Everyone was tired of practicing and they all knew Keith was putting Lance through the most. It was only a matter of time before someone snapped.

When a voice stopped him in the hallway, it was Allura, so of course Lance turned, but he already knew why she would’ve followed. “I’m sorry, princess,” he said. “You must be so excited to see your people, and Keith isn’t gonna stop until we can defend ourselves and I know that’s important, but…”

“Lance...we all struggle with something, she said. “Connecting to another person is never easy.”

“Yeah, especially if that person is _Keith_.”

Allura gave him a look halfway between skeptical and sympathetic so he kept laughing awkwardly, wishing he knew how to lean that more towards the latter. Keith was the loner by definition- so it should be believable that this was his fault, right? Anyway, she let him have it, reaching up to put a friendly hand on his shoulder.

He nodded at her, “I’ll keep trying,” he said.

__________

Keith wasn’t blind. It was Allura who had gone after Lance, and he’d do anything she asked, so he shouldn’t take the blue paladin’s return to their training as an indication that his heart was in it, but despite that- or maybe because of it, Keith gave him no quarter. _He shoved at the walls more aggressively than before, pulling hard at the scent of cake and icing, the noise of childish laughter. Lance tried to push him out, and he clung tight, dug in hard. “You came back to figure this out, so we’re gonna figure it out,” he grunted. “Let me in.”_

_“Dude!”_

_Lance was panicking, so Keith tried to control his tone of voice- “I’m not gonna judge you. You’ve seen my shit, Lance- you know me. You know I won’t hurt you.”_

_“Just leave it alone!” Lance cried, “We can do this without going there-”_

_“No we can’t!” Keith’s grip on the memory was slipping and his control over his voice was sliding away just as fast. He didn’t mean to be shouting, but he kinda was- “You heard Coran! We have to share the important things- I showed you my problems, and you haven’t shown me anything!”_

_He pulled at the memory- Lance tugged back, “No!”_

_“Why not?”_

_“Because some of us actually care about these things, Keith! I’m not some kind of psychopath who can just unload it all on anyone!”_

_That took a second to sink in- then Keith felt the blow like a direct hit._ He fell out of the meld and snapped, “Fuck you, Lance!”

“Whoa! What happened!” Shiro’s voice was startled, concerned and angry all at once, but Keith was already closing his eyes and _pulling..._

_He grabbed the first strand of embarrassment he could find- a diplomatic mission where Lance had tripped down some stairs and pulled the royal headpiece off the beautiful princess of Senfama._

_“Stop it!”_

_He was trying to push Keith out, but Keith grabbed another memory and tugged- it was the Garrison, a very-public rejection from Jenny Shaybon._

_“Keith!”_

_Iverson using Lance’s performance in a simulation as a teaching tool of ‘what not to do’. An array of Lance trying to help Hunk and Pidge and having his hands slapped away. Lance tripping over a tray of tools in front of Lotor and Allura, asking- out loud- if he could be their ‘third wheel’-_

_Lance screamed and Keith felt him lunge, turned in time to expect another punch before Lance was pushing into him, tugging at things Keith had already shared- tender betrayals, failed friendships and awkward interactions, times he’d trusted and been hurt- the things that had hardened him. Keith had restrained himself to petty embarrassment, but he took off the stops then, letting the rage grow into an vengeful inferno and pulling at Lance’s self-doubts and insecurities._

_Memories were falling open into a dizzying, sickening concoction of emotions and voices and sensation until-_

Keith ripped himself away with a throaty growl. Lance had fallen backwards with the force of disengaging, so he threw himself forward, hauling him up by the shirt and knocking his fists into the man’s chest, screaming.

“Whoa!” Shiro was on them immediately.

 ...

Needless to say, the training ended there. For the time being, they could settle on assuming that, if all the other paladins were able to leave the meld, there wouldn't be much of a group meld to snag Lance and Keith.

In the meantime, Allura and Romelle began working with the Altean refugees to slowly explain and dismantle the religion of Lotor and ready them for their resettlement. Coran began preparations for building the castle on earth, contacting allies and arranging to get a crystal from a Balmera. Hunk and Pidge tried to replicate the mind trainer in a way that they could make wearable headpieces that might protect them from Haggar's attacks. Then there were the usual missions that the universe demanded of the Paladins: assisting an evacuation of planet Cygnus whose star was dying, rescuing a rebel logistics patrol from what was left of Morvok’s fleet, responding to various minor distress calls.

Keith had communicated his obligations with Kolvian and split his duties to the Blade of Marmora, letting Krolia handle the majority of the reconnaissance he’d been assigned to before he’d resumed his role in the Black lion. He and Shiro were both able to pilot Black for the time being which was a huge boon for both of their schedules, but Shiro's focus remained on the coalition's logistics and public affairs.

Shiro was a better diplomat anyway.

It was a diplomatic mission where the melding issue reared its ugly head. Voltron had been providing a routine show of arms for Sirius Nox at the request of Matt’s superior officer. The canine species of the rebel Captain’s homeworld was still on the fence about joining the war effort in earnest, and the team was in the middle of a performance when the tug of the meld began.

_By the time Keith fell in, Lance was standing in his living room, squared up with his fists raised. If Haggar was making an attack, it was fully-possible that a Galra fleet would be en route, so Keith didn’t waste time, dodging Lance’s punches and grabbing his arms, pulling him in close and tossing him overhead at his old, dusty couch._

It was the most effective way to leave the meld, so he wasn’t prepared to regret it. But, when Shiro finished his speeches, the paladins were gathered backstage and Lance...was pointedly refusing to look at him.

It didn’t get better. Captain Olia’s people held a party in their honor as often happened as these things, and Lance usually ate up that kind of attention no matter what creatures were bestowing it. Keith knew for a fact that Lance loved dogs- he’d learned to look for his wolf in Lance’s quarters where he knew to find treats, but even Yorak was planetside and the blue paladin had gone back to the carrier alone. It was hard to be attentive and diplomatic when Keith knew Lance was moping.

He kept himself in Shiro’s shadow so his brother could make apologies for him whenever he somehow offended or came across standoffish. “Keith is our battle commander,” he’d say, “These sorts of parties...aren’t really his job.”

It was an excuse. Keith was no better than he ever was at getting out of his own head.

Once the team had managed to make a graceful exit of the festivities- mostly through Allura’s careful parting words and gratitude, Keith waited for Shiro’s company, hanging back to walk with him back into the carrier, and sure enough, Shiro came in last, closing the ramp behind himself.

“You knew I’d wanna talk to you,” he observed.

Shiro smiled. “I did spend three and a half years with Lance. I figured you’d know where to go for advice about him.”

Keith would’ve hated being so obvious if he was speaking to anyone else, but being read by Shiro was never very unnerving. “He hates me,” he said. “I don’t know why we ever connected at all- it should’ve been me and you and he could’ve been with Allura.”

Shiro gave him a short, significant look, one brow raised as if Keith wasn’t seeing something obvious that would make his choices make sense. But, he didn’t explain, turning away and letting out a slow breath. “I know it’s unfair, being pushed like this, but Lance doesn’t hate you,” he said, “he never hated you.”

Keith opened his mouth to argue, but Shiro talked over him.

“Lance is a good guy and a talented pilot.”

“I know that,” Keith protested, “I never meant to-”

“It doesn’t matter what you meant. He compares himself to you.” Shiro said this simply- because it was simple.

They were "rivals"- except they weren't. It was one of the few acts that Keith saw through easily. But, it felt like a roadblock, like a fixed point in space, an object of infinite mass that Keith would never be able to budge or move around. It would always just pull him back in- this stupid contest Lance had fabricated. He’d never had a choice but play along. He wasn’t equipped for anything else.

“I don’t think anyone’s ever challenged him as much as he challenges himself, trying to stand beside you,” Shiro said. “I think he only ever hated the way you made him feel about _himself_ , and that’s been changing. _You_ have the power to change it.”

“Right.” Just wrangle a black hole. That sounded easy. “So, let him get a hit in next time?”

“Keith…”

He held up his hands, “Right. Talk to him. Okay.”

 ...

When Keith came into the corridor that his quarters shared with Lance’s, he barely made it past his own door when Lance himself rounded the corner purposefully. He stopped in his tracks, frozen on sight, “How did the-”

“I sorry that I-”

Lance waved an arm, “Sorry, go ahead.”

“No, mine’s long. You first,” Keith said. Wow, he hated this.

“I was just gonna ask...how was the festival?”

“Good,” Keith said. A beat passed and it made him want to flinch, “I think- I mean, I’m sure they’ll make good allies.”

“Great,” Lance said, “that’s great.” They dissolved back into silence and he fidgeted, pushing his hands into his coat pockets. “Uh...what were you gonna say?”

Keith took a breath, “Just- I’m sorry,” he said. “I know we didn’t wanna do the...fighting thing. In the meld.”

Lance shrugged the apology off. “I punched first.”

“Still.”

“Okay.” Lance stood awkwardly for a tick, avoiding eye-contact and Keith bit at the inside of his cheeks, unsure. “Was there anything else?”

Keith opened his mouth and closed it again- twice. He had no idea how to broach this- always pushed to make the first steps towards peace when it contradicted everything in his nature. He’d always been able to walk away from whatever fights he didn’t want- anything he didn’t care enough to engage in, but the fights he chose were relentless and Lance was the one battle he always pulled himself back into...

He was walking away.

“Wait!” Keith called, taking the few steps to reach Lance’s shoulder and pull him around. “I should’ve let it go…” he said. “Back when we were practicing the meld- I’d understand if you...didn’t want to share something. I shouldn’t have pushed.” Pressing too much was always Lance’s thing anyway.

The defensive expression on Lance’s face fell away and he lifted his eyes, “Yeah, and I’m...sorry I said you didn’t care about the things you were showing me.”

Keith let out a breath, shocked at how good it felt to hear Lance recognize what had hurt him- to be understood, but, “Yeah...why would you even _think_ that?” he said. His voice came small and vulnerable, an admission that Lance had hit him where it hurt- his social and emotional inadequacy.

Lance shook his head, “I didn’t. I mean, you just shared those things so easily,” he said.

 _Because I wanted you to know_ , Keith wanted to reel at himself, but he didn’t have the space for it with Lance being unnervingly honest and open.

“I didn’t know what to do with it,” Lance admitted.

“Well, I just wanted to get the meld under control,” Keith said- a lie. “We were holding the team back.”

Lance nodded his agreement.

“But, we’re good now, right?”

“If clumsy punches work for you, they work for me.”

 ...

Luckily, they didn’t have to.

The team’s next mission took them to an underwater civilization that was being harassed by a chimera, a horrible conglomeration of beasts, melded together by some perversion of science or magic. Keith sent footage of the creature back to the Blades’ carrier and Krolia echoed his theory that this had something to do with Renveig’s projects.

They battled it underwater as best they could, and Voltron didn’t have much of an issue, but the creature dove into the sea’s black depths and they needed Blue’s sonic mapping systems, so they disbanded. The lions individually did not navigate well in deepsea conditions and it turned out the creature had a _nest_ down there. Allura was desperately freezing the entrance of the cave system that the creatures were crawling out of, when one of the creatures landed on Black’s back and managed to pry open the back hatch of Keith’s lion.

Water flooded in and Keith frantically closed his suit and drew his bayard, but with the water flooding in and throwing him around in the cockpit, he couldn’t do anything but evade, pushing himself up and out the breached hatch. In open water, he had more room to slice at the creature, but the aerodynamics here were complicated and he couldn’t afford to let the creature slice open his suit. He scrambled away, screaming until-

The creature cracked open and three other monster-babies scrambled away in fear of the explosion. Keith looked around for the source- finding Lance treading water outside his lion, holding his bayard in its sniper rifle form.

He didn’t have much time to appreciate the sight before one of the creatures grabbed Lance in its tentacles and dragged him away from Red. Lance let out a panicked scream, and Keith chased without a thought, kicking off Black's back and jetting into the cave. He’d barely slipped into the nest before Allura successfully closed the entrance, and the team’s voices over his comms were a combination of panic and confusion.

“Did Keith just go in?”

“They have Lance!”

“Oh no, I closed it!”

Keith didn’t know his bayard could transform into a blaster until he was surrounded by chimera babies, frantically searching for Lance and killing everything in his path. It didn’t take long to wrest Lance away, but the blue paladin was knocked out when Keith grabbed him, mask damaged but, from what Keith could see in the dim light of his own helmet, it hadn’t been cracked open. The lights were out and his visor was blackened with an inky residue. When Lance came to, he couldn’t see anything, following Keith's directions in the dark. It felt like a lifetime, wandering in the caves, keeping Lance calm every time something slithered past his legs or knocked into him.

By the time they made it out, the team had broken an opening in the ice patch and Keith helped pull Lance out of the abyss and back to Red. They'd barely tugged Lance's helmet off when the meld hit-

_It was the control room of a Galra outpost the team had raided for intelligence. There was pounding at the door, seconds away from being breached when Lance materialized in the memory. He cursed colorfully, “Really? Why would we come here!”_

_Before Keith could respond, there was a tug of their teammates, dragging them towards Haggar's meld. Keith squared-up and raised his fists to end this, but-_

_“Keith, wait!” Lance grabbed his fist and drew their arms in towards his chest as the control room door burst open. "I have an idea!" he said, free hand going for his blaster. A vicious grin passed over his mouth as he spun Keith on his heel and pushed him at the guards._

_Keith stepped into the momentum, drawing his sword-_

They fell out of the meld, and Pidge and Hunk were back in the fight, but Blue was still for another few seconds. They’d gotten out before Allura…

Lance whooped over the sound of their teammates on the comms, “We did it!”

... 

The Blade of Marmora planted explosives around the chimera’s nest and they blew it apart. The mer-people gave a short celebration, and of course, Lance was an insufferable flirt, but Keith was glad to see him, back to his normal showy self. In fact, something big had shifted in Lance’s mood.

Keith couldn’t put his finger on it.

He walked to Lance’s quarters that night, and the door was already open. Lance was lounging on his rack, headphones around his neck and ingredients of some kind of facial mask were strewn over his lap. He glanced up at the sight of Keith in his doorway and smiled brightly.

 _Weird_.

“You figured it out,” Keith said. “The meld.”

Lance’s grin shifted into it’s usual arrogant twist, but Keith couldn’t bring himself to find it unattractive. “Remember the maze exercise on the Castle?” he said.

“The hologram test?”

“Yeah,” Lance added a few drops of a clear liquid to the concoction on his lap. “We sucked at it.”

Keith raised a brow, amused with the memory of Lance flailing like a bug on an electric fly-swater, but unsure how this was relevant.

“But, you and Shiro figured it out,” Lance said. The maze that the person on the mic was looking at wasn’t the same as the one on the ground- even if they gave perfect directions from what they saw, the person on the ground would still get shocked. “You had to work together to figure out that the maps didn’t match. You got shocked like a dozen times before Shiro realized it, but you just...kept going.”

“What does that have to do with us?”

“Well, I was thinking about it today while you were leading me around," Lance explained. "Since you’ve been doing the part-time Team Leader thing, and I’m the right hand like you were to Shiro, I was wondering how long it would’ve taken _us_ to figure that out if we hadn’t quit the simulation.”

Keith stepped further into the room, letting the door slide shut behind him and staring at Lance in consideration. Lance’s thoughts could seem so...simple, it was easy to forget he could be reflective like this. Keith had been so focused on keeping Lance safe in the chimera's nest since he couldn't defend himself, he hadn't considered that Lance was probably trying to keep his own mind quiet and stop panicking. He folded his arms over his chest.

“You and Shiro didn’t mind failing a bunch of times," Lance was saying, "but we just get so impatient with each other, we wouldn't’ve put up with it. I think, sometimes that makes us better at what we're doing- like...we demand the best of each other. So, we probably could've figured it out a lot faster.”

“Lance...” There was a warning in Keith’s tone- impatient _now_. Lance was being cryptic and roundabout, and, "What are you getting at?"

“I was thinking about who we are to each other- since that’s how we get each other back to reality...or whatever,” he shrugged awkwardly. “So, in the meld, I tried to mimic that...y’know- that push and pull thing we’ve got going. Like- not quite a rivalry, but...

“Like a team.”

Lance’s hands had stilled at his lap, but he raised one and rubbed at his neck sheepishly. “Like partners."

It was an offer, given honestly, and something tightened in Keith’s chest. He pushed down the knot in his throat and tested the word in his mouth, “Partners.”

Lance’s smile only made the tightening worse, but...okay, yeah. That could work.

 ...

The journey home continued.

Matt reported in often with updates about the Altean settlement on Pollux, and Pidge replied with updates about her melding devices. Coran received the scaltrite crystal from the Balmera, Allura made regular speeches and meetings with the leaders of the colony. She actually spent a lot of time with Romelle and somewhere in their budding friendship, she found the Altean had magic abilities similar to her own, so they spent most of their time training in the things Allura had learned on Oriande.

It was good to see her recovering her confidence after Lotor’s betrayal. Keith wasn’t blind to how badly that monster had hurt her, but he felt powerless to help. Usually he would encourage Lance to comfort her- since he was best at those interactions, but things had been strange between the two of them recently. Ever since Lance had come back from the abyss, older and more gorgeous, giving off the same easy warmth if only somewhat subdued from his old antics, she acted a little nervous around him. At least, she blushed a lot.

Keith knew what he should suspect, but he was trying out the ‘partners’ thing with Lance, spending more leisure time with him, and he didn’t want to consider that he might be a little jealous if he had to share that. Lance’s age-old-interest in Allura had taken on an unnerving, sober quality, and if she was really starting to like him, that might be a pull that Keith wouldn’t try to fight. He didn’t want to think about such things, so he put it off as long as possible.

When he heard Lance pacing again- on a nightly basis, he figured the moment was coming. Lance finally knocked one night, “Keith, can I talk to you?”

He pushed at Yorak to make room on the bed. “Of course."

The line felt worn-out by now, but Lance’s mouth gave a small tug upward- then immediately dropped as if he was doubting himself. He nodded towards the door, “Actually, this’ll be easier with the mind trainer.”

 _Oh_...Keith immediately pushed on Yorak’s hind legs off to free himself, and followed Lance out the door and down the hall. They walked in silent, quick strides, and Keith didn’t question anything for fear of changing Lance’s mind about...whatever this was. If it required Coran's mind trainer, Keith could safely-assume this was not about Allura, and that was enough for him.

They put on the headpieces and Lance turned on the machine, letting it whirr for a few ticks while he slowly, carefully took a seat on the couch beside Keith, and Keith just watched and waited.

He let Lance push into the meld, closing his eyes-

_Keith recognized the beach that Lance brought him to. It was always crowded but clean with white sands and tall dunes- a setting he'd seen a few times in Lance’s memories, and he knew they were near his childhood home in Cuba. Lance’s family was walking towards the waterline as they arrived, and the scene was set- a family’s weekend off, spent at the beach._

_“I’ve been thinking. I should show you...the important things,” Lance said, watching them set up beach towels and umbrellas. He put a hand on Keith’s shoulder and leaned close to point out specific members of his family, giving their names and short descriptions, providing a cast of characters for what Keith assumed would become the ‘darker chapters’ that Hunk had warned him about._

_He knew he should say something, reassure Lance that there was no need to reciprocate the vulnerability he’d already extended- Keith hadn’t felt uncomfortable about showing any of it, but he also...wanted to see this too much to suggest stopping. So, instead he pointed to the muscular man that was carrying Lance on his hip, bouncing him every couple of steps so Lance squealed and giggled. Lance had slid his attention right over him, “Who’s that?”_

_“My uncle…” Lance answered, brows drawn and expression dark. Keith noted it and looked back at the scene, tucked the man’s face away to remember. “My parents never talked about him...or, I guess I never really asked.”_

_The scene shifted and Lance was a little boy, huddled with his parents and siblings in a bathtub. The wind was howling outside and shaking the walls, so loud and violent that Keith flinched away from where the bathroom mirror was shaking._

_“We had a few hurricanes every year,” Lance explained, raising his voice to be heard but otherwise unmoved by the noise. “Usually the weather barrier protected residential areas, but this time the stormsurge took out the barrier’s generator and we lost everything. I think I’m twelve here. This was why the Garrison started extending applications to Cuba.”_

_Keith glanced at the other paladin and couldn’t detect any pain in seeing this memory, though the memory itself was dripping with a childish mix of fear and exhilaration. “I didn’t know that,” he said._

_Lance offered a small smile, “Silver linings, right?”_

_They flashed through scenes of Lance studying and working on his Garrison application, smiling faces of supportive friends and then the acceptance letter and subsequent celebration- which was modestly-furnished but wild as Keith would expect, the McClains going absolutely berserk over their son’s success, throwing homemade confetti and then eating cake and then throwing said cake. Keith got a glimpse of Lance packing and moving into the Garrison, meeting Hunk and fitting for his first uniform before hugging his parents goodbye._

_The whole montage was overwhelming for Keith in it’s...love. Lance’s family seemed so warm and open and easy. And yet, somewhere between the celebration of his acceptance and hugging their son goodbye, something had shifted in Lance himself- his young face becoming more somber, the easy smiles of the little boy Keith had seen turning desperate and goofy._

_He grabbed the other man’s wrist to stop the montage, “Lance...you’re not showing me something,” he said, but then gentled his grasp because_ _Lance had tensed up._

_You can’t force people to share...but sometimes they needed to._

_“You always help me understand people,” Keith said, “more than anyone, I think. But, you never let me understand you.” It didn’t feel strange to say something so obvious and true, but L_ _ance turned to him with a shocked expression and Keith realized he was probably saying something significant._ _He braced himself, held Lance’s arm tighter, “You brought me in here to reciprocate, right? All the things I showed you were mine to share, and I’ll understand if this is too personal...but…” okay- yeah this was hard._

_Lance was staring, lips slightly-parted in curiosity, “But?”_

_“But, now I’ve seen it and I know it’s important to you and-” Keith gestured at the blurred vortex of memories, “I dunno...I wanna know!”_

_Lance turned away and frowned._

_The thought of him refusing was more horrifying than Keith wanted to admit, so maybe he was resorting to flattery to say, “I really wanna know- like it’ll keep me up at night with wondering or...or something.”_

_By whatever mercy Lance had, he didn’t smile at that or hungrily latch onto the opportunity to tease. Not this time. He closed his eyes and the scene shifted...back to the family’s celebration of his acceptance letter._

_Little Lance was covered in icing from his cake, sliding a screen door closed behind himself and clopping inside on sticky bare feet. “¡Voy a traer toallas, mamá!"_ _he shouted, running past the men watching. He darted into the bathroom, and Keith turned to follow, but before he took two steps, the scream cut him off._

_He glanced at his own Lance, but didn’t wait for an explanation, running after the child and…_

_“Oh…” Keith tried to turn back_ , but the scene dissolved.

Lance had taken off the headpiece completely. He was holding it in his lap, listless, avoiding Keith’s eyes.

Keith didn’t know what to say- never knew what to say, but this time the silence felt like it was mocking him. He had to do something, so he reached out and took one of Lance’s hands, prying it away from the mind trainer. He said nothing, just held it.

Lance took his time, but “I was so mad at him for so long,” he said. “He was my favorite uncle. I was his ‘Lancey Lance’, and he chose _that day_ to do this. I never really thought about what was going on with him.”

Keith frowned because Lance was saying this as if he could have known something was wrong- as if he could have stopped his uncle from taking his own life but, “You said you never asked,” Keith said.

“Yeah, but I knew enough. At least enough to make it...real.” As opposed to all the death and destruction of hurricane season in the Caribbean- of an intergalactic war…

“Well, what was going on with him?” Keith scooted closer and put Lance’s hand between both of his own.

Between the simple intimacy of the movement and the topic of discussion, Lance seemed overwhelmed, and Keith let him be- mostly because he didn't know how to stop him until Lance explained. “He lost everything in the storm and moved in with us for a few weeks at my abuela’s house. She left while he was there and I assumed it was because the house was under repairs…but, she was supposed to come back on this day and...she _really_ didn’t like him.”

Lance had started crying and Keith couldn’t hold back his own confusion. He didn’t see where the shift had happened- that last little push, but the tone of Lance’s voice had pitched up in that last sentence, “She didn’t like him?”

That question earned a self-deprecating laugh, “He'd recently gotten a boyfriend, and…turns out there are still people out there who aren’t okay with that.”

Lance was keeping his eyes dutifully down at their hands, but Keith could see the lines of anxiety pinching at the corners of his eyes. He’d told Lance enough about himself that he should know Keith would understand this topic better than most, but for some reason, he still seemed uncomfortable with saying it- as if anyone would hold his extended family's attitudes against him. Keith squeezed his hand.

“I don’t know the whole story-” Lance was saying, “my parents had to kick him out because we could hardly support _ourselves_ at the time, and for awhile I blamed my dad for abandoning him, but I didn’t know about his fight with mi abuela and it wasn’t until later that I learned that same boyfriend had broken up with him after the storm. So, I dunno if it was just the financial aspect or if he was so heartbroken that everyone had left him, but…” Lance finally lifted his eyes, glancing up with a trembling lip, “He died _alone_ , Keith.”

It was clear Lance was including himself among those who had left, and for a second Keith felt bad that even he didn’t know the guy's name. But, he wouldn’t ask for it now. It didn’t actually matter. He knew, to Lance, it wasn’t just important that this beloved uncle had died, adrift from their family, he’d also been profoundly unloved...in a romantic sense.

Maybe Coran was right about sharing the important things. Suddenly, a lot of Lance’s behavior made sense, flirting with a desperate fervency while never so much as kissing a girl... In fact, Lance flirted with everything that had two legs (and some things that had more or less), but it had taken him years to grant Keith the title of ‘partner’ despite literally fighting in that role for countless battles. He chased after Allura as if she was just another pretty woman, yet when she blushed around him in earnest, he suddenly had no idea how to be around her.

He gave away his heart recklessly, but did anyone love him the way he needed?

Did he even know what that was?

Keith turned the hand he was holding over in one palm so he had an arm to put around him. He pulled gently until Lance’s head fell compliantly onto his shoulder. “It’s no way to go…” he said. "Everyone needs a partner."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please remember to like and comment!


	4. One Door Closes

“I’m afraid you would need Shiro’s help,” Coran said, mustache twitching and eyes locked on his Monsters and Mana handbook. “Or Keith if he rolled a high enough score on a bluff.”

“What? Why?”

“Barbarians are distrusting,” he explained. “You’re a known thief and Keith’s not a member of their clan.”

“So what- I can’t move forward?”

“Not this round…” Coran frowned, putting the book aside, “But, we can always do a side quest!”

Lance slouched in his seat. He should've done a solo game.

When Shiro had heard about Monsters and Mana, he’d wanted to play, and once Shiro was on board, Keith was a sure thing. He’d made a berserker character with a crazy-intricate backstory and Lance built up an arsenal of jokes about it- that as of yet had gone unused. Keith hadn’t had time to play. In fact, Lance hadn’t seen much of the red paladin in weeks.

As they drew closer to Earth, Keith was in constant strategy meetings, planning how to defend Earth while construction on the ship was underway. Lance noticed Keith going in and out of briefing rooms or transport pods with Shiro or Kolvian, Matt or Allura, and he wanted to follow, knew he should be giving input as the second in command. But, Keith never asked for him, and Lance’s pride refused to let him offer help that obviously wasn’t needed…

He wasn’t sure why it bothered him. He’d spent the last few months of travel, trying to figure out who Keith was to him, which felt like navigating a landmine of bitterness, envy, and...a slew of...more dangerous things. It had been easy to be around Keith after he’d settled on ‘partners’- after he’d managed to articulate that aloud- which had not been easy, but now, even that effort seemed so...useless.

With Haggar’s unexplained connection to the Lions’ ability to meld, Pidge and Hunk had managed to reconfigure the mind trainer and created paired chips that held the wearers in a constant low-level meld that made it much easier to resist the pull of the group. They wore the chips in their paladin helmets whenever they were forming Voltron and there were no more problems from Haggar after that- just an uncomfortable amount of insight into Keith’s thoughts and feelings during battles.

“Lance! There you are.”

He spun in his seat to find Allura standing in the doorway, and he perked up, erasing the dejection off his face. “Allura?”

“I’m working on the speech I wanted to deliver to the Garrison and Hunk said you and Coran would be up here.”

Right- Hunk had chased Lance away from his and Pidge’s tests on their melding chips because he’d been _distracting_. “Do you want my help?” he said, far too hopeful.

Allura was already walking in and dropping onto the bench beside Coran, “I do- I wanna make sure I’m getting the message across, and Shiro said you would know the audience.”

It was a small task, reading over the speech that she had written, changing phrases around, and making suggestions, but Lance was glad to be useful for awhile and working with her and Coran made him feel lighter than he had in weeks. Conversation digressed, and they were laughing over Coran’s zarbloovian eel when the door slid open again and Keith walked in, eyes darting over a data padd in his hands, “Allura, I was reading over your files- and the time hacks for the arrival ceremony have a fifteen minute gap. What’re we putting there?”

She pushed herself up from where she’d lounged against the back of the sofa, “It’s for your speech.”

“Speech?” Keith’s brows drew up and together.

“As Team Leader.”

Keith stared blankly for a tick and Lance expected he’d make a protest about how Shiro was still the black paladin and should be the public face of the team. It was an argument they’d have on the bridge of the carrier before every diplomatic mission. But, Keith just dropped his eyes to the padd and said, “Alright. I’ll think of something to say.”

Lance didn’t miss the soft, pleased expression that passed over Allura’s face, “We’re working on my address right now if you want help-”

Keith lifted his eyes to the company of the room, “I’ll be good,” he said, turning away.

__________

Keith was not good.

As they landed the Lions on the Garrison’s doorstep in the main campus quad and stepped out to a crowd of several thousand spectators, Shiro took the reins, as everyone expected. Moreso than ever, he was a hero to the cadets and now also to his fellow officer staff. He cast a shadow large enough for Keith.

But, then the team was shuffled into the Garrison command station and the camera crews were set up and Keith had no idea what he wanted to say. He had known the team would want him to speak, _Shiro_ would want him to speak- and he would speak. But, it hadn’t been something he wanted to worry about, and so he hadn’t.

He had never been meant for a spotlight. But this job entailed a public element- it always had and he had always been fine with public speaking. It just hadn’t entailed setting himself up as the face of Voltron. He was…handling it when a firm hand landed on his shoulder.

“Just explain the mission.”

He turned to Lance’s encouraging grin- the little crooked one he wore whenever someone else was getting all the attention but he wanted them to succeed. Keith’s mouth fell open, unsure. It would be so much easier if he could just let Lance take over the media stunts, as he was sure Lance wanted to, but...

“No offense, but peppy inspirational stuff is _not_ your gig and I think Shiro’s got us covered there,” Lance jabbed a thumb to the monitors where Shiro was wrapping up a message, laden with bright motivational words. “So, just explain the mission- explain why it’s important and what’s at stake. You’re a serious dude, so go be serious. No point in setting anyone up to expect anything else.”

Keith reached up and touched the hand on his shoulder, grateful, and stepped onto the stage.

  ...

After the broadcast, they broke for reunions. Keith stood back with his mother as the families of the other paladins rushed through security checks and into the atrium of the Garrison’s great hall, gathering up their pilots and gushing over them.

He made sure to stand close enough that, when Hunk ran over and grabbed his hands, dragging him forward to meet his family, he was at close-access. He let himself be introduced politely, gave smiles that felt more genuine than he intended, and earnestly complimented his teammate to his family. Hunk’s face turned bright red and he shimmeyed in flattered embarrassment that Keith found far too satisfying. The Holts were squeezing their mother into oblivion, the Shiroganes were sobbing over the living proof that their Takashi had been alive all this time, and Lance had the entire McClain clan surrounding him to the point where Keith couldn’t see him through the crowd.

Something drew him in, searching for Lance.

Out of everyone, Lance had been the most homesick- he had waited three and a half extra years for this reunion. Keith expected sobbing and there was some of that, but he was also...hesitant and tentative. He wasn’t talking much despite the volley of questions from his siblings, he was growing more and more flustered under their praise and attention. When his father clapped a hand on his back, he even tensed up in a way that Keith recognized.

He covered the last few steps into Lance’s line of sight and raised a hand in greeting. It was all the invitation Lance needed to pull him in and eagerly start on introductions like a welcome distraction. Keith recognized all their faces though they were changed with time, and he nearly got ahead of Lance in repeating the names as they were presented, conjuring a smooth excuse that Lance had told him stories about them all...which wasn’t far from the truth.

It was strange though- the implication that they had the kind of relationship where Lance would’ve told him casual stories about his family…

The rest of the team joined in to meet everyone and some of the tension drained away from Lance’s posture, so Keith made his retreat back to stand with his own mother. But, she was looking at him strangely. “Stop smiling like that,” he said.

She just shrugged at him and held out an arm to walk up to the Garrison’s high command briefing room.

__________

Lance recognized the room immediately. Stepping inside had his heart pounding.

The Garrison’s high command met around shiny round tables with screens lining every wall for group calls to bases around the globe. Besides the regular calls they had made remotely, it was vital that Team Voltron and the Coalition had a direct conference with these leaders to explain the defensive measures that were being taken while construction on the Castle was underway- and to negotiate what support they could expect.

It would’ve been awesome to see a seat with his name on it in this room...under any other circumstances. Instead, Lance’s eyes kept drifting to Keith distractedly. The guy had no clue what would happen here. For that matter- Lance had no clue…

But...whatever it was, it was coming.

He was preoccupied throughout the meeting, missing half of the speech that he’d helped Allura prepare. And, as every other member of the team provided insight into their parts of the mission, he felt increasingly useless. Hunk and Pidge would be commanding Coran’s construction and programming teams. Allura and Shiro would be working on information sharing and diplomatic matters. Keith would be organizing the patrol teams that would guard the sector with his “command team”, which probably meant Kolvian with the Blades, Matt with the rebels, and whoever the Garrison assigned to command their units.

Lance figured he might get courtesy copied into their plans as Keith’s right hand, but...it’s not like Keith would ask for his help. He hadn’t needed it to give a perfect speech, shooting from the hip...

As the meeting closed, the Garrison’s commandant and his staff packed up and left the room to the Coalition to complete their own debrief. They had already discussed how to handle Liberty for members of Team Voltron to visit families- to have comms on at all times, to keep the Lions with their respective paladin, forcefield up, making sure that the pilots themselves were capable of responding at any time, yadda yadda.

When the Liberty brief ended, Lance wanted to make a jab at Keith- warning them not to go out and have a good time since he was incapable of it himself. Instead, Keith had packed up his papers and was walking towards him with a businesslike expression, looking like he wanted to ask something important and mission-related and Lance found himself blurting, “Did you see that though? Iverson could barely even look at you!”

Keith raised a brow but his expression softened into a small smirk. “Yeah, he hasn’t forgotten me.”

Lance was laughing and he had no idea why. “His face certainly hasn’t forgotten your fist, dropout.”

Keith probably understood that Lance meant that affectionately, because he wasn't rising to it, and at his left, Matt Holt was approaching with a data padd and an inquisitive look. “Iverson’s face and your fist?” he said. Realization struck him quickly and he seemed delighted, “Is that what happened to his eye!”

Lance wasn’t sure why he was puffing Keith up for Matt’s obvious interest, but he explained the story with a flair of his own dramatics, including the part where the inciting factor had been Iverson’s lies about the Kerberos mission which Matt had been on.

Matt laughed and gushed along with the story and Keith turned to him with a small, flushed smile. Lance wasn’t sure which he hated more- the dopey, admiring look on Matt’s face or the fact that Keith seemed to...like it.

Whatever Keith had been coming to him about was forgotten, Lance couldn’t get out of that room fast enough.

__________

Keith anticipated liberty being a necessary inconvenience to bolster the team’s morale, but a week had passed and nothing had changed in productivity. The yellow Lion left its hangar shortly after the debrief, but it was the only one. Pidge was working with Hunk remotely on Coran’s designs. There wasn’t a reason for her to leave when her whole family lived nearby. Similarly, Shiro’s family were Garrison brats- it was a part of why Keith had gotten wrangled into flying in the first place.

He spent most of his own time checking on the progress of construction and monitoring communications from the Blades of Marmora. There were reports from the rebel forces and the coalition, and he spent most of his free time with Shiro and Matt, discussing those matters.

Sometimes, he just wandered the Garrison. It was strange to be back- especially like this. When he was kicked out, he’d thought it was all over, no one would look to him for anything ever again. He’d given up on himself, and now...everyone’s hopes were on his shoulders...the entire universe. It was the small things that grounded him when those thoughts took over. He went for long runs, lifted weights and practiced boxing and kicks. It was easier to worry about small tasks like keeping up his own fitness when he couldn’t control the speed of the Castle’s construction.

He visited the Lions every morning, and it provided a source of one major frustration. The perfect distraction. Red hadn’t left the hangar.

But, Lance was more elusive than ever. He was never in the labs with Pidge and Coran or on the training deck, with Kaltenecker in the barns, or even at any of the parties that the paladins had been invited to since arriving on earth- which Keith did occasionally poke his head in for. He didn’t even attend the command team’s meetings, though Keith knew he was opening the scheduling messages. The only time he ever saw Lance was during formal briefings with the whole team.

It took him four days to pin down the one place he hadn’t checked- and sure enough, he found Lance, lounging upside-down on a couch in Allura’s rooms, babbling about which pictures to use for a promotional clothing line that some sports company wanted to sponsor. He told him directly, “You don’t need to stay here.”  To which, Lance gave a weak excuse about running social media and promotion for the Coalition since Allura would not be as well-versed in earth customs.

At the time, Keith had let it go, but as days passed, it wasn’t just short meetings about blog posts or t-shirt designs. Lance was spending all his time with Allura and not going home to his family, and she hadn’t even mentioned making a trip to Pollux- even when they received a report from Romelle about the Altean settlement. Shiro could handle the diplomatic piece of their stay on Earth, so she was at liberty to make a personal trip of her own if she needed, but she wasn’t.

Neither of them were.

Keith had to believe there was a connection.

He knew Lance was less confident than he acted, and he wasn't an idiot. As much as he tried to ignore it, he had always known Allura’s feelings for him didn’t match his for her. But, recently, it was hard to tell if that was true.

Lance had aged in the abyss, quieting down so that the sweet and supportive side of his personality came out. He still had his moments, but Keith could see other people recognizing them as the endearing slips they were. He didn’t doubt Allura had noticed.

And, it wasn’t like he was the best judge of whatever was going on between them. Keith hadn’t been in a meld with Lance since he had explained what happened to his uncle, and since hanging out with Shiro in his downtime meant spending time with Matt, he’d also seen a lot of Pidge, and by extension, Hunk and Coran. In fact, Lance and Allura were really the only members of the team that Keith hadn’t seen much of since they touched down.

So maybe something had changed between them. Though he wasn’t sure if that was good…

When they’d hold their conferences to discuss the Castle’s progress, Lance always left with her and they talked much easier now, less tense and unbalanced. Lance still got flustered and tried to flirt, but his efforts were tempered and fond and her reactions were less disgusted and more...resigned.

It was enough to make Keith uncomfortable- which only contributed to his avoidance of the issue. He’d felt confident when he came back to the team, things would be different- he’d be less awkward and ready to branch away from the safety blanket of Shiro’s company. But, it turned out, bonding with your Galran mother who barely spoke unless it was important for the mission was a lot easier than all the confusing (frustrating) nuances of his friends. And, no one was more confusing than Lance.

He found them in the Lions’ hangar, taking pictures with Blue in their paladin armor, and he walked up behind Lance, “What’re you doing?”

Lance startled, spinning on his heel, then gave a sloppy grin, “Blue Paladin photoshoot!” he said. “I’m the ‘blue’ paladin and Allura is Blue’s paladin-"

“You’re not gonna want one for Red, are you?” Keith said. He figured, telling people about how they’d switched Lions would only confuse them, but he didn’t question it. He had no doubts that whatever social media presence Lance had established, their followers were well-informed, and Lance was always better at knowing what people could catch onto like taglines and cheers. Keith hadn’t looked at the blogs he was running, but whatever Lance was saying about him was keeping the Garrison cadets at a safe distance, mildly-intimidated enough not to bother him on his jogs, but not altogether afraid of approaching him.

“Do you want one with Red?” Lance said, brows knit and hesitant.

Keith had planned to say no, but Lance’s tone made him reconsider, “I mean...if you want to…”

Allura’s head poked over the edge of Blue’s mouth, “Keith!” she said, voice a wave of relief. “Did you want Lance for something?”

He had never been totally sure about social cues, but Keith got the feeling she wanted him to say yes to that which meant she wanted out of Lance’s current media stunt and was being too nice to say it. He turned back to Lance, “Yes, actually. I was gonna say we need to do something about your clumsy punches.”

He reeled at the wording and bit back a scoff, “Okay, ignoring how rude you’re _both_ being, lemme just check that I’m understanding-” he blinked at Keith, “Are you asking me to spar?”

 _Yes_ , Keith thought, _because you’re isolating yourself with Allura and she’s pandering to you_. But, he couldn’t say that so, “Well, Shiro’s busy and Matt’s helping with the Castle. I could use a partner.”

  ...

 _Partner_ turned out to be the magic word for getting Lance’s attention. After one boxing match, Lance complained the entire walk to the showers and then the chow hall, so Keith had figured he wouldn’t agree to go again the next day. But, asking for a “partner” had the same effect twice- three times, and so it became a habit.

Keith suggested that they work their way through the different fighting styles that they both knew, though it was instantly clear that he had an advantage there and Lance’s confident grin faltered. Seeing pride may still be an obstacle, Keith found himself taking down a wall, “I’ve actually been meaning to ask for your help as our sharpshooter,” he said. “Black’s bayard gave me a blaster when I went into the chimera’s nest. I don’t think it’ll be a regular thing, but- if it happens again, I’m...a terrible shot.”

So sparring became target practice- which became pestering Coran to build combat simulations for the Garrison’s training deck, which became ice baths and wound dressing, which became prying conversations about why- again- was Lance not going home to see his family?

Lance got very good at brushing those off, so Keith changed tactics.

They’d finished level nine of Coran’s simulator and stopped for a quick break. Keith was just trying to catch his breath. But, Lance who had been sniping targets from a distance, was asking something about Pidge. It was clear he was prying about Matt since he kept bringing up the topic of brothers.

Keith grabbed his water, uninterested in discussing Matt Holt. “You have a lot of siblings...” he said.

Lance stopped, shutting his mouth and narrowing his eyes slowly. “I’ve already told you, I need to focus on what’s going on here.”

So, maybe Keith’s new tactics were pretty transparent, but he kept at that angle, “I’m just curious. I mean...it’s a big family.” He couldn’t imagine moving away from that kind of environment to the Garrison. Maybe that’s why Lance was always so competitive, always pushing for attention.

“Oh yeah,” Lance rubbed at the back of his neck, laughing sheepishly and loosening to the topic, “It’s a big family even in Cuba- you’d probably think it’s overwhelming.”

Keith smiled, “Probably.” But, this wasn’t about him. Lance was pushing the focus away from himself, and he was allowing it. Lance rarely steered the conversation toward Keith’s thoughts about family- for obvious reasons. But, maybe he didn’t have to know why Lance wasn’t going home- maybe Keith could simply make the idea appeal to him. “I’m an only child,” he said, “and an orphan for awhile, then I had Shiro, but…” he shrugged. “I guess family hasn’t ever really been something I actively looked for, but it’s definitely something I needed.”

“So, you just got lucky?”

Lance was wearing a smirk that was equal parts warm as it was teasing, and Keith understood what he was saying after a heavy heartbeat. He smiled helplessly. “Guess so,” he pulled his shirt up to wipe some sweat off his face and when he dropped it, Lance’s eyes had dropped innocuously to the exposed spanse of his stomach.

And, that was...interesting.

Lance was blinking away the lapse and turning to get his own water, but Keith was _sure_ of what he’d seen. He knew his own thrills of temper, the shocks of desire and impatience, and he knew better than to hope for anything from Lance besides a viable outlet for some playful flirting. Lance flirted with everyone after all, so he was safe for that. It’d be stupid to hope for Lance to recognize attraction- even more stupid to press the issue.

Keith didn’t mind being a little stupid.

He reached up while Lance was drinking and squeezed the bottle so it squirted over his face. Lance dropped the bottle with a yelp and Keith drew his sword before the other man could blink the water from his eyes. It took a second for Lance to get his bearings- and then he was growling on the attack, bayard in hand.

Keith had been unsettled the first time he’d seen the red bayard transform into Lance's blaster, but he’d nearly gotten use to the sight. He was _not_ prepared for a long, two-handed broadsword, blunted for training but coming at him with enough speed to bruise.

He dodged and let out a yelp of surprise, “When were you planning to pull that one out?” he said, grinning uncontrollably.

Lance’s momentary rage was shifting into something pleased and cocky, and yep- flirtatious. “Oh yeah, you haven’t seen this yet!” he said. “I was training one day and it transformed. Allura said it’s the sword her father used.”  He made another sweeping swing at Keith’s side which Keith deflected and twisted away from, and conversation dissolved for a few seconds in concentration.

Keith allowed himself to be mildly-impressed with the amount of effort it took to twist Lance around into a position where he dropped the hilt with one hand and his grip broke. He tried to dodge away and Keith drove him forward until his back hit the wall and he slid down a few feet. He put the blade of his sword under Lance’s chin and tilted his face up with a smirk. “Well it’s really cool...but, your stance could use work."

Lance baulked. Where such a show of superiority may have once incited frustration or rage, there was only shocked arousal on his face. “That’s what she…” he cleared his throat and gave an awkward laugh, pushing the dull blade away from his throat, “I mean, I’m the sharpshooter- it’s my thing, why would I waste practice time learning how to use this?”

“Because you can be more than one _thing_ ,” Keith shrugged and his bayard phased down to it’s normal compact shape. “It transforms for whatever weapon the paladin is suited to. If red’s bayard wants to be a sword, he’s hinting at you to use it.” He reached a hand down to help Lance up, “I’ll show you how.”

  ...

Sparring practice shifted almost-exclusively to sword-fighting. Keith could teach the basics of stance, grip and movement, and he watched Lance fight against several drones to make his own observations. Strength was not a problem, but Lance had slow reaction time, so most of their training was sharpening his instincts.

So, a lot of whacking him with dull blades.

Lance was holding an ice pack to his arm over his most recent bumps, gritting his teeth and hissing as Keith pushed his thumbs into a hematoma from two days ago. “Say something if it hurts,” Keith said, frowning.

“It doesn’t.”

“You’re hissing.”

“Because everything hurts! You should still probably…” he stared down at his thigh where Keith’s thumbs had paused, “do that...”

Keith resumed, careful not to put too much pressure on the clotted lump, just massaging the tense muscle around that area. Lance was unusually quiet and contemplative. These physical therapy sessions were never long, just quick fixes to help make it through the day after roughhousing for an hour or two. Lance typically babbled through them, so Keith felt compelled to fill the silence, more direct than ever, “Your grandmother didn’t come to see you with the rest of the family,” he said.

Lance didn’t lift his eyes, keeping them locked on Keith’s hands.

“You said you were excited to see everyone, so…”

“Can we not do this?”

Right. Don’t push. They fell into a tense silence and Keith grabbed a small ice pack to put over the hematoma for a few minutes, wrapping it into place with a bandage.

“I didn’t invite her,” Lance said after awhile. Keith looked up to his face, frowning and attentive, “I hadn’t said anything to her in the recordings that Holt brought back. I just...felt bad, I guess.”

Keith had a few guesses why he might feel strange to speak to her, especially given how heavily Lance flirted with him when they sparred. What had happened to his uncle was an important memory for him, something that he carried heavily, and the man’s sexuality was a factor in that weight.

“I never asked what happened between her and my uncle…”

Keith let his hand rest gently on Lance’s knee. He could understand the assumption and why Lance hadn’t wanted to test it. “Well, it’s a hard thing to consider,” he said.

"Yeah," Lance lifted his eyes carefully and then put his hand over the one on his leg. “Thanks.”

 ...

Keith spent most days planning his schedule around meetings, and enjoyed the days those meetings were headed by Matt. There was an easiness about the man, easy to talk to and easy to joke around with. Keith wasn’t often considered an easy or laid-back person, so he could appreciate people who brought that out in him.

But, when he came into the briefing room and Iverson was standing behind Holt, he did step back at the door for a tick.

Matt gave him an encouraging smile and waved him into the room, explaining, “Construction is about seventy-percent complete after this week. We need to discuss Earth’s defenses when Voltron leaves…”

 ...

Lance was in the chow hall when Keith came down for dinner. Keith figured he usually ate with Allura because he never saw either of them at the 1700 meal slot. He was sitting alone which seemed like it should’ve been an unusual sight, but it wasn’t. It just never looked natural.

He startled when Keith’s tray dropped on the table across from him. “Oh, hey, didn’t see you guys- are Matt and Shiro here?”

“They went out to eat,” Keith said, picking up his fork. “Can I sit here?”

Lance gestured vaguely to the table in assent and returned his attention to picking at his food. Keith didn’t ask, pulling out the chair to sit and starting in on his own meal, but Lance lifted his head and watched him eat- which felt strange.

“What?”

“I called my mom,” Lance said, “after we talked this morning- about abuelita.” Keith wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting, but it wasn’t that. “She put my dad on which was...a lot,” he went on. “He doesn’t talk about these things...at all- these things being, y’know...feelings.”

“Right.”

“I mean he...he _cried_ , Keith.” When that just got a confused expression, Lance explained, “I wasn’t around for the funeral. I’d already moved in here, so...I dunno. I don’t think I’d ever seen that. It was weird.”

“It’s good you talked though…” Keith said. He wasn’t sure if it was alright to ask, but, “What did he say...about...”

Lance sighed and dropped his fork, folding his hands over themselves, fidgety. “That’s why I’m bringing it up...I...dunno. My parents were always accepting, or at least they tried to be, and they told me abuelita had struggled to understand some things, but it was never about the fact that he was dating a guy- she just hated the guy he was dating.”

Keith was lost as to why Lance seemed so bothered, “That’s good though, isn’t it? She didn’t mind if he was gay.”

“I guess. I still made some horrible assumptions,” Lance said, sounding like he wanted to dissolve through the floor, but Keith could understand. It was safer to assume the worst than to hope for a loving explanation and then be wrong. “I mean, this guy he was dating, Alejandro, he was some kinda club performer and he blew all their money at gambling and did some shitty things to my uncle. I don’t know why they started dating and it’s not like I can get that side of the story.”

But, that part of the story was gone and there was no point in holding himself back for it. “So, you’ll go home now…” Keith said.

“This isn’t why I was staying here,” Lance’s brows drew in confusion, unsure why Keith was bringing this up again, “the princess needs help with-”

“Lance.” Keith had heard this excuse before, but Lance had opened up to him- Lance valued his perspective of this, and for all he knew, Keith might know more about Lance’s family than anyone. He knew he should be _home_ right now. “Allura’s not staying here for you. Don’t stay for her.”

Lance faltered, “I never said she’s-

No, he hadn’t, “But she is why _you’re_ here, isn’t she.” It wasn’t a question and the words struck Lance’s face blank. “You spend all your time, attached to her hip. Everyone’s working to get the Castle up and running. She should be working with the Alteans and _you’re_ waiting around for something that doesn’t exist.”

Lance huffed hard and folded his arms over his chest. “If it bothered you so much to see us together, you should’ve just made your move.”

“What’re you _talking_ about?” Keith huffed. He realized slowly that Lance was talking about jealousy, but that hadn’t even been a factor. He’d been so worried about Lance getting hurt and wasting his time on earth, he hadn’t even thought about including himself in the picture, about comparing the way Lance was with Allura to how he wanted to be with him. It wasn’t a comparison. “I’m not telling you this so I can get with you!”

“Yeah, you’re saying it so you can get with Allura!”

Keith reeled. “Lance- you know that’s ridiculous,” but, if jealousy was on the table, it was probably easier frame it that way, even if Lance knew it was impossible. “This has nothing to do with me,” Keith said. “I’m worried about _you_...where your priorities are right now-”

“So, you just wanna pull me away from her!”

“Someone has to!”

Keith hadn't meant to raise his voice, and immediately regretted it, but Lance slammed a hand on the table and grabbed his tray.

At least Keith sitting by himself was a normal thing.

__________ 

Lance woke up at 0600 the next morning and kicked around in his bedsheets for two hours, unable to fall back to sleep. Training with Keith had thrown him back into the kind of schedule he hadn’t kept since the last time he’d lived at the Garrison, and for awhile, it had been kinda...nice, having a routine and someone with expectations and plans for him.

But he did not go to train that morning.

Keith had been pushing him to go home for weeks. He had the decency to try and be subtle about it, but he was incapable and the closer he came to directly addressing it, the more Lance wanted to pull away. Keith could be judgmental, jumping to quick conclusions and striking. He was very hit or miss, but when he hit, he hit hard, so Lance tried not to give him the chance. He had no idea why he wasn’t going home. If Keith saw it, he couldn’t predict where the blow would land.

But this...was surprisingly painless. Lance knew he was being obvious with Allura. Calling him out for it was only rational- if not absurdly aggressive.

It was that aggression that pissed him off.

What right did Keith have to decide that Allura’s feelings didn’t exist? What right did he have to say Lance was waiting around for that when his work on promoting the coalition had already boosted their recruitment by a double-digit factor? He wasn’t just sitting around here twiddling his thumbs and waiting for Allura to love him back. If anything, Keith’s aggressive independence was making it difficult to do as much as he was capable of. _You don’t need to stay here_ was just a little too close to _we don’t need you here_. And Keith made that abundantly clear, refusing to give him any projects and insisting he should go to Cuba.

Lance found Allura in her rooms, reading through one of the blogs he’d created, either checking for mistakes or brushing up on what the public was saying. He let himself inside and couldn’t help but flush when she turned to greet him with a bright smile. She made space for him on the couch and they scrolled through posts together. Lance wasn’t focused too much on what she was saying, letting Keith’s words roll around in his head and eat him alive until, “Princess, these last few weeks...they’ve been great, haven’t they?”

She turned and raised a brow at him, “Yes…” but her voice drifted as if she was wary of where this was going. That was probably a bad sign. “We have fun together, don’t we?”

Lance remembered his own words- what felt like ages ago. He tried not to feel too encouraged since what had been years for him was a few months to her, but still, “I was thinking...you obviously know that I like you a lot. I mean...maybe we could be...more-” he stopped himself and took a shaky breath. This was not smooth at all, and the look on her face was worryingly sad.

“I know what you're saying, Lance, and I can't.” She shook her head and Lance squeezed his hands together in his lap as she went on carefully, “These last few weeks have helped me more than you can know, but they’ve only affirmed what I think we already knew. We are best...as we are now.”

She reached out and put a hand on his shoulder, but it felt smothering. Lance pulled his legs away and nodded, unable to lift his eyes and meet her gaze.

“I think you are a better friend to me than I ever imagined. My feelings for you are true, but it’s because of those feelings that I will not accept yours. I would never be happy with you-” He let out a small, punched-out noise, involuntary and humiliating. “But I say that out of care. I think there is nothing worse I could do than promise to feel a way that I don’t. You need more than that…”

He forced a nod, letting her words sink in fully. It did hurt, but maybe she was onto something. The last few weeks _had_ been great, just spending time with her, learning what kinds of music she liked and her affinity for gymnastics stunts, for interpretive dance, and fantasy movies. The pain was dull as he’d braced for it; he'd known the answer he’d get, and needed this closure.

Maybe he’d chased her for so long, he’d convinced himself that this was his race, made her love into a trophy.

Maybe they were best...just like this.

He reached out for one of her hands and she gave it, letting him turn it over and kiss the back. “You’re still my Princess though, right?”

Under a different context, that might’ve earned him a kick to the shins, but things were definitely different now. He didn’t waggle his brows in flirtation and she smiled in response. “And you’re my Paladin,” she said, “and friend.”

Okay. Lance didn’t expect to feel warm, settling for friends with the girl he’d been in love with since he was seventeen. He’d expected her to laugh in his face and confirm the cruelest inner voices he bottled away, but there was something so tender and genuine in that simple feeling- a different kind of love and he was okay with it.

But, as they settled into reading comments on their content, the next anxiety creeped in. If not this rejection, what agony was he bracing for?

He passed by the Garrison’s high command’s briefing room daily- attended a few meetings in there when the whole team got called in...his vision couldn’t be far off…

He’d kinda wanted it to be about this. This, he could survive.

Maybe if he just went to Keith and told him, he’d break down like he’d seen. But, he doesn’t feel the way he looked in that vision- he wasn’t about to collapse, and he probably couldn’t force it.

“You’re upset…” Allura said, snapping him back to the moment.

“No, just...thinking.” It did make more sense now in some ways- that he’d go to Keith. Out of everyone, Keith was the easiest to talk to, he...took things seriously- took _Lance_ seriously, and all the stuff about his family and how he should go see them- wait. “Keith said something earlier...about you not going to Pollux to be with your people.”

A shadow passed over Allura’s face and Lance almost felt bad for bringing it up.

"He just seemed to think you were avoiding the opportunity to go see them while we're on hold here. But, I get- there are logistical issues with traveling there, so..."

“No, he’s right,” she said, a hard edge to her voice, so Lance reached out and put a hand on her shoulder instinctively. He hoped she wasn't staying here for fear of losing her place on the team- even considering such an idea was so preposterous, he wouldn't know how to comfort her. It had taken weeks to build up her confidence after Lotor's betrayal, so Lance didn't know what he'd do if she wasn't sure of her place on the team. “It’s the role I was raised for- leading Alteans, but...if I leave Voltron now…” she shook her head. “If they expect me to stay, I would have to give up my role as a Paladin, and I love this team.”

Lance let out a breath of relief. Of course the princess had no fear of losing her place as a paladin. Lance would happily step aside to ensure that, and she had to know.

But, her actual fears were...also well-founded. There was still a war out there.

Lance could understand avoiding a place you might want to stay.

 ...

Maybe it was the memory of the vision that drew Lance to look for Shiro, but even after three and a half years of bonding time, this isn’t what he expected. “Two more rounds...and four shots,” he was saying, leaning over the bar.

Lance wasn’t sure what Shiro qualified as now, but he was pretty sure taking shots with a superior officer was a grey area this close to the Garrison, but-

“No, those are all for you, line-em up.”

“God, are you like this with Keith?”

“Recently? All the time.” Shiro had no tells so it was hard to tell if he was kidding. He pushed the glasses towards Lance, “Bottoms up.”

Lance obeyed that order, choking on the burn of- tequila? He had no idea.

“So, you’re taking it better than you expected?” Shiro said, interested.

Lance coughed a bit before he could find his voice, wincing at himself. Maybe he’d done that a bit fast, and if he was being honest- his history with clubbing had all been to impress Hunk. “Yeah. I guess we’ve just been such good friends recently...it feels like enough. I mean, we hold hands and share drinks and make facials and pedicures and stuff.” Lance was sure everyone had seen his skincare routine, but that still felt like it needed an explanation, “I used to be really close with my sister, Veronica...guess I’ve been missing girl friends.”

“Haven’t you been missing her- your sister? You talk about your family a lot but you haven’t-“

“I get it!” Lance snapped. “Keith’s already lectured me about going home. He's got you covered.”

“I didn’t know he was concerned about it.”

Lance snorted, “Well, it's not like he'd be talking about me-“

Shiro gave him a dry look, and as if to make a point said, “He tells me about how well you’re doing with the sword training. He was surprised you’d never mentioned it.”

Lance felt himself flush, immediately picturing that smarmy vindictive smirk Keith got whenever Lance did something he was simultaneously proud of and had already said he was capable of.

Shiro didn’t give him time to recover, sliding another two shots across the table. “So, why haven’t you gone home?”

Lance could tell when he wasn't getting out of something with Shiro, so he took his time on the shots. It was definitely going to his head now, making his thoughts slow and honest. “You said Keith needed to understand that he needs the team, but I dunno- it just goes without saying for me, doesn’t it?” he said.

“What d’you mean?” Shiro was sipping at a beer and Lance vaguely wondered if there was a no-drinking while on liberty rule.

“Well, I’m nothing without Voltron, aren’t I,” he said simply. It wasn’t a question. He would’ve been a cargo pilot if Shiro hadn’t disappeared and Keith hadn’t gone berserk over it. “And, I wanna go home, but what if I get there and it’s...y’know- it’s _home_ , and I don’t wanna leave. My parents will definitely want me to stay- I mean, I hope they’ll want me to stay.”

“Of course they would,” Shiro said. “It sounds like you’re just torn between two places you belong.”

“Meh,” Lance shrugged, “It was actually Allura who made me realize it- she's afraid of leaving the team too, but I mean _she’s_ irreplaceable. I could just stay home and let Keith back at Red-”

“Lance.” Shiro’s jaw was set hard and he was...shit, he was _angry_. “You are a part of the team. You are not replaceable.”

Lance was mollified, even if the message wasn’t sinking through, Shiro was angry and that was enough to end that conversation. “Can we talk about being rejected again?” he said. That was an easier topic, "I get rejected a lot-" a simple fact.

“Sure,” Shiro said, pushing another shot towards him and taking one himself.

Lance picked it up, appalled, “Seriously where are you getting these?”

“I’m buying them,” Shiro said and Lance’s brows shot up. Okay, he was drunk to be so scattered. “What do you wanna talk about with rejection? I thought you were alright about Allura,” he said, but Lance had gone quiet- trying to absorb the last shot and gather his own thoughts at the same time. “When you understand the way you feel, you’re never scared to talk about it.”

“I know…” Lance said.

“So, what don’t you understand?”

Lance groaned, “I don’t know!” he let his head fall to the table pitifully. “I don’t know what I would’ve even done if Allura liked me. I think maybe...maybe I’m just so used to rejection because I’ve practiced it so many times? Like- I know half the girls I hit on don’t care about me and if I’m honest- I don’t care about them. But...” he shrugged helplessly. “Maybe I’d rather be a heartbreaker because...I don’t know what to do with a heart?”

“Why do you say that like a question? Sounds to me like you know what the problem is…”

“That I don’t know what I’m doing and I’d hurt anyone who actually liked me?”

“No, Lance. That you _think_ you would! You’re doubting yourself before even trying- or assuming that whoever has feelings for you isn’t strong enough to handle it if they get hurt.”

Lance wasn’t sure he liked how Shiro always sounded so sure someone felt that way. The list of people who might divulge such a thing to him was not a short one, but it was one Lance didn’t want to begin reviewing.

But, meanwhile, Shiro was studying him with a keen intensity that made Lance want to melt. “Maybe your thing for Allura was a catalyst.”

Lance hummed, pinching his lips together and then giving up. “Big words, Shiro.”

“I’m saying, you knew how she’d answer your feelings and you kept at it anyway. Maybe you didn’t love her in the way you thought you did- you loved her because you wanted to.”

“What d’you mean?” Lance frowned. He knew what he wanted- more than most. He grew up on love stories and _el lo romántico_ of his parents. He’d spent so long, fantasizing about his own epic romance, of a partner who would battle the universe with him, stand by his side and share in every adventure. His mother always told him he needed someone strong- someone smart and courageous, so of course he loved Allura because he wanted to.

“I mean, maybe it was easier to be in love with her than it was to consider you might need...something different.”

What he _needed?_   Shiro had said he needed someone who’d choose him. Someone who was ready to be in love- not just when everything was collapsing but...the everyday stuff. Sharing a tube of toothpaste and lounging around with nothing to say. He’d wanted that with Allura- and for awhile they were close to it, but maybe it wasn’t possible.

Allura _was_ the war- she and it were inextricable. Even painting her nails and talking about camera filters, it came through in her posture. Everything she was or had been for ten-thousand years was defined by it, she had no room for herself, much less someone else, and a strong sense of self was the first requirement on mamá’s list. ' _You’re too bright,’_ she’d say, always worrying he’d burn himself out to feel like he’d accomplished something. _‘Find someone who can shine for herself. Someone who lets you rest’._ Someone strong, independent, reliable enough that he could step aside and hand over the reins.

Lance had his finger on the trigger, ready to hit himself with the truth, but the crosshairs just weren’t aligning. He pushed his hands into his hair, stressed.

Shiro’s hand found his shoulder. “Everything will work itself out," he said. "Just focus on getting the Garrison ready like we have been.”

 ...

Lance was trashed. A few more reassuring words from Shiro and a little encouragement and he found himself on the dance floor, losing his mind under flashing lights and loud music. The girls in the club were a little too shy to join in on his wild flailing, but one guy with dark hair and long eyelashes was working his way in closer and Lance couldn’t bring himself to mind sharing the spotlight with a pretty man like that.

Turned out, that’s not what the guy was interested in, and at some point things got a lot closer than Lance had prepared for, hands on his waist and hips swaying and grinding, and lips working their way up his neck, closer-

He needed Shiro.

He extricated himself in a moment of clarity, weaving through the mass of swaying bodies and surfacing to the table they’d shared, a graveyard of glasses and mistakes. He threw himself into the booth, “Are we ready to leave?”

“Why? You looked like you were having a great time.”

Dear _God_ , Shiro had seen that? Lance already felt overheated, but he thought he might faint. It wasn’t just dancing with a guy- it wasn’t new for him to enjoy the strength of the hands on his waist and the broadness of the chest he’d pressed against...but, dancing like that and nearly kissing him. “I don’t know that guy…”

Shiro blinked at that, putting words together a little slower than usual, “Do you plan to?”

“No!” Lance said. Maybe he’d like to know him a _little_ better, but “I don’t wanna lead him on, y’know?”

“Lance, it’s a dance club and he likes you- go let yourself be liked. You’re not gonna break any hearts in one night.” There was no judgment on Shiro’s face, just fond exasperation, and maybe he was right. Lance had always taken his own feelings so seriously, he assumed everyone else did too.

He pushed back up from the table, ready to get back out there and make out with a dude, but then-

“Oh, hey...it’s a party now,” Shiro was looking out over the dance floor towards the bouncer in the front aisle.

Lance followed his gaze, blanching. Apparently Keith was the kinda guy who wore his daily clothes to the club and Lance wasn’t surprised by that at all. He scoffed down at Shiro, “You invited them?” This was supposed to be a heart-to-heart. How long had he been dancing?

“No, but I’m not surprised, this place is a favorite.”

“Of Matt’s?” Lance guessed. So, Keith was letting his boyfriend drag him around to clubs now.

“Keith’s,” Shiro corrected, and he was grinning as if he expected the shock that crossed over Lance’s face, “He comes out with me on our weekends and he’s wild as ever.”

“As ever?” Lance suddenly realized he never asked how Keith spent his free time. He always sort of assumed it was a robotic thing- like they sent him back to the cryotube and recharged him for the next day of swinging at Lance with blunt objects and flattening arrogant military commanders with steely glares and dry remarks. He’d never considered what a social life for Keith Kogane might look like...what it might’ve looked like all this time. He realized, _as ever_ \- “You’re kidding! Bad boy Keith partied it up at the Garrison?”

Shiro smirked into his cup. “I have no proof of that,” he said. “But, he’s been a wild card as long as I’ve known him. He’s only just started letting me see it, but I know beginners and that he is not.”

Lance figured that made some sense. That little ball of rage probably would’ve imploded by now if Keith hadn’t learned how to cut loose. “How did I not know this?”

Shiro laughed, “I dunno,” he said, “We've all been to parties together before, like when the Olkari invited us to their victory celebration, and he had all that sap juice and kept flirting with La-Sai.”

Lance could not remember that. He tried to imagine what it would look like- Keith _flirting,_ Keith being flushed and tipsy and flirty…a sly grin, voice low and throaty, lifting a guy's chin on his fingers...like the edge of a blade. He shook away the thought and latched onto what Shiro was saying.

Keith wasn’t a ‘beginner’. The awkward loner Lance knew was also the kinda guy who knew how to pick up partners, flirt and find physical contact. Lance always craved that, kissing and romance, flirting and heat. But, feelings always came first and...that didn’t seem like an impediment for Keith. Lance should’ve known- Keith was always pulled around on impulses and instinct. He was the most impatient person Lance had ever met. Why would he wait for love?

Did Keith even care about such a thing?

Why did it matter?

Keith was someone who would always be focused, who wouldn’t let simple needs like human intimacy slow him down. He’d take what he needed to satisfy whatever he craved and move on. Keith was pragmatic, strong and independent...and reliable…and someone Lance trusted to lead, and oh...oh  _fuck_. The crosshairs were lined up and Lance did not like the target he was sighting in on, but- Jesus _fuck_ \- the shot was off.

Oh no.

Oh _no._

Had this always been sitting on the backburner in his mind, pushed down out of reach?

Was that why he’d called Shiro tonight? It sure looked that way now. He'd realized he wasn't heartbroken over Allura, and promptly called the one person who knew Keith best...

He flagged down the nearest bartender, “Can we get another round of shots?”

At his side, Shiro’s brows lurched- probably because Lance was already sloshed, but now...he needed it, gulping both glasses down fast. It hit immediately and Lance didn’t even think about what he was saying, jabbing his thumb distastefully to where Keith and Matt were walking onto the dancefloor, looking grim and hopelessly out of place. “Is there...something going on there?” he said, huffing.

“Oh,” Shiro looked at him as if that question answered a dozen of his own. “No, I wouldn’t worry about that,” he said. “I think there’s probably something there, but Keith isn’t one to settle.”

Right. That was the problem, wasn’t it. Keith was strong, reliable, and the most detached, standoffish, unromantic person Lance had ever met. But, Lance was drunk and Keith was _here_ and people were dancing and making out and Matt was someone he had ‘probably something’ with- and he was also here.

So, Lance should make out with him first.

He careened onto his feet, sliding off the bench and ignoring Shiro’s questions as he pushed back through the crowd of dancing bodies, driving his way towards Keith and drawing himself up, “Fancy finding you here- is this a work-hard, play-hard kinda deal?”

It was suppose to sound smooth, but Lance was slurring his words and the delivery faltered.

Keith didn’t look surprised to see him, and Lance was too drunk to unpack that. Keith grabbed his arm and held him upright- he hadn’t realized he was swaying, and at his side, Matt leaned towards Keith to talk over the music, saying, “I’ll get Shiro,” and disappearing into the crowd Lance had just pushed through.

Weird, but Lance was in no condition to question it.

Keith was pulling him towards the door where the music was a little less intrusive, “Lance…we need to talk,” he said.

“About Allura?” Lance leaned back into the steadying arm Keith offered, and before Keith could say ‘I toldja so’ or even ask, Lance was babbling, “Turns out you were right- and screw that! If she didn’t like me, she could’ve put her foot down. Not that she was leading me on, but like...a hard no would’ve been good, y’know?”

“Lance, what- no,” Keith shook his head, looking confused and concerned as Lance listed off to one side, “listen-”

“And, here I’ve been, hanging around the Garrison and using her as an excuse to avoid seeing my family. But, I love my family!” Lance laughed, leaning and vertiginous. Keith had both arms holding him upright, “And you were right- I should go see them. I’ll pack tomororo...” words were becoming increasingly difficult, but the point made its way across and Keith’s mouth had snapped shut.

He hefted one of Lance’s arms over his shoulder and decided, “It’s time to go.”

__________

Lance never made anything easy, did he? Keith didn’t expect this to be a simple conversation, but dragging Lance home from a club and forcing him to drink water and wash up was not how Keith expected the night to go.

The call had come in at midnight.

The broadcast was worldwide, Sendak’s face taking over every screen that connected to a satellite signal, the words vibrating over the entire globe and rattling in Keith’s bones, “ _I am coming for you. And I will tear out the heart of Voltron_.” It was delivered as a slow, vicious snarl, the sort of pointed threat that had Keith’s own lips curling back and teeth gritting in instinctive growl.

The first report came from Samoa where Hunk called in from the Yellow Lion, asking for reinforcements against Galra fighters that had attacked his home directly. Luckily, he’d been there to respond immediately and a squad of rebel jets joined him.

Earth’s defense plan called for deployments to key Garrison assets in the case of any attack, but if Galra fighters had hit Hunk at home, it stood to reason that the paladins themselves were being targeted. Keith immediately ordered Allura and Pidge to defend the Shiroganes and Holts. Lance wasn’t responding to his comm- which was a problem, but finding him was a secondary consideration- there wasn’t time to waste.

Keith took off to Varadero himself, following a flight-plan he’d mapped weeks ago.

What he found there was enough to crumple him, and all he had of this place were the memories he’d walked through with Lance, the pristine beaches and neighborhood shops, friendly faces and family. He was too late.

It was all in flames, entire city blocks levelled to the foundations, heaps of charred humanity- homes and shops, playgrounds and churches.

But, there weren’t any bodies that Keith could see. There was no way to immediately confirm it, every possible clue as to what had happened was torched, but there was a possibility that they had taken prisoners. He reported the theory to Kolvian for the Blades of Marmora to investigate, then headed out to find Lance.

After asking Shiro what the _hell_ he was thinking, letting Lance get that wasted, Keith couldn’t even be angry about the state he’d found him in. He was too angry that Lance thought of himself as  _replaceable_ , angry that his best efforts of making a space for him on the team had gone to waste, angry that he’d been away for so long and he still didn’t know how to do better.

Angry of what he had to tell him now.

By the time he came back to Lance’s quarters with a detox injection, some water and painkillers, Lance had already fallen asleep, and Keith didn’t have the heart to wake him. Nothing could’ve been worse than Lance’s drunken rambles of what he’d do when he saw his family, and it would take awhile before Lance sobered up enough to process the news or think rationally about what to do.

The initial wave of fighters had retreated to a cruiser that was hiding somewhere in the rings of Saturn and the Garrison’s command had determined that a blockade was the safest option, so now was the time to rest up for whatever was coming. But, Keith couldn’t sit still. He tried to prepare for Lance’s reaction to the news, talked to Kolvian about their reconnaissance plan- both in anticipation of the next assault and regarding the prospect of making a search for prisoners. Of course, Kolvian considered the task secondary while they needed all their effort focused on intercepting the next attack, and Keith received their obligatory lecture about letting his emotions guide him.

He returned to Lance’s rooms after a few hours. The noise of the door roused him and he let out a low grumbling noise, rolling back over and burrowing his head into pillows that looked far too soft. Keith took a deep breath and walked to his bedside, sitting on the mattress.

That got his attention, a sharp look over his shoulder and brows raised at this casual intimacy from Keith.

“We need to talk.”

Lance pushed up onto his elbows, a nervous expression passing over his face like a deer in headlights, Then, “What did I do?”

Keith wasn’t sure what Lance expected to hear, but he didn’t dwell on curiosity, “Shiro took you out drinking, but...that’s not why I’m here. You didn’t do anything wrong,” he wanted to make that abundantly clear before the inevitable grief and guilt.

Lance was picking up on the tone of this conversation quickly, and his mouth open, brow knit with worry. “Keith...what’s happened?”

“I wanted to tell you before you’d see it somewhere else. I thought it’d be better...if you had time to process it. It’s all over the news, so…” Keith reached out and covered one of Lance’s hands, squeezing, “There was an attack...”

Lance’s expression didn’t move at all as Keith explained the events of the early morning. It was too much to process at once- the loss and the timing of it. Keith detailed what he’d seen in Cuba as carefully as he could. He mentioned that he hadn’t found bodies, but didn’t skirt around the fact that meant very little about the likelihood of anyone’s survival. Lance was so brittle, Keith didn’t try to touch him beyond the grip on his hand, brushing his thumb over the delicate skin there.

This was a hollow devastation, no proof to mourn over, no surety to pursue a rescue, and Lance didn’t seem capable of speaking for a long time, just letting Keith sit with him and touch his hand, then softly, “I should’ve been there…” he said.

Keith shook his head, closing his hand over Lance’s fist. “There’s nothing you could’ve done alone. Hunk’s town was razed the same way and he had an alarm system and time to respond.”

“But I should’ve seen them first- should’ve...been there,” Lance’s voice was dry and Keith felt the waves of guilt crashing off of him as if they were deep in a meld and resonating. “At least then I’d know.”

“I’m not going to let the cruiser leave without being tracked,” Keith said, tightening his grip and letting vicious determination seep into his voice, “We have its location and it’s under heavy surveillance- if anyone’s aboard that ship, I _won’t_ let them out of our sight.”

Lance wouldn’t meet his eyes as if he couldn’t afford to see Keith like this, protective and enraged. “I have to go…” he said.

His voice was firm and quiet, measured in a way that Keith knew he wouldn’t be able to budge, but he owed it to Lance to try- owed it to himself and how long he had been afraid of this. “No, Lance, Sendak is _coming_. We need the team together to form Voltron-”

“You have a team- you have Shiro.”

Lance was pleading, and Keith knew why. He didn’t need him to say it. _Pilot Red for me_. _Let me go._ He’d expected the request and prepared for it, but Voltron hadn’t existed without Lance in ten-thousand years. Sendak was coming for the heart of Voltron and Lance was a part of that.

A big part.

He wanted to rage at Lance for trying to leave now- for dropping out of the fight when it needed him, putting himself and his family over the entire world. But, Keith lifted his eyes and found Lance watching him, cautiously hopeful. He knew he’d break, but he didn’t expect it to be satisfying, “Where’s your bayard?”

 ...

There were a lot of factors that Keith hadn’t considered even as he anticipated this. He’d had a team of tacticians for every operation he’d planned with the coalition so far, but Lance rattled off tasks like a one-man command staff. It struck Keith with a strange pang of longing and made stepping down to pilot Red increasingly bittersweet. 

 _Partners_ had never felt like a more satisfying position, and here he was arming Lance to leave on a mission with no defined end. If Lance's family wasn't aboard that cruiser, if he couldn't find the cruiser before Sendak's reinforcements arrived, if the cruiser escaped with him aboard, Lance could be gone for a long time...

“The best of the Garrison’s tech would take a quintent to reach Saturn,” Lance said, “but two of Coran’s pods that have finished their test runs- the ones in hangar four, I’d just need-”

“I’ll get you the access codes,” Keith was already logging into the Garrison’s database with the personal pass code the high command had entrusted him. Big mistake on their part.

“I assume the Blades would have the most information about where this cruiser is hiding-”

“They’ve narrowed it down into quadrants around the planet,” Keith tapped his wristpiece, projecting a visual of the reconnaissance that the Blades had already run, “But, this sector behind Titan is the most likely dark spot for a ship that size.”

“Could you send me that?” Lance pointed to the map, strapping a power pack for his blaster over his wrist and then reaching down to tuck another in his boot.

Keith bit his lip, “Our files are encrypted to prevent information leaks.” He couldn’t send Lance anything without alerting Kolvian and the rest of the Blades. He’d pushed the boundaries of insubordination before and faced the consequences, but...there would be no turning back if he violated their creed of secrecy. The Blade of Marmora would not accept him back after this. “You’ll have to let me put in a passcode once you receive it,” he said, pushing send.

“Cool,” Lance said and he finished tucking his trousers over his boot then stood and projected his messages from his wrist, finding the file and holding it out for the password.

Keith took Lance’s hand as if he needed to hold it steady to input the code, and a few ticks later, the map projected in a bright glowing purple.

Lance closed the projection and finished strapping ammunition to his waist and chest. He’d grown a little during his time in the abyss, but he was still nowhere near the size of a Galra and trying to arrange a disguise would be time-consuming and useless, so Lance was armed with a blaster and pistols, shorter-range guns than what he probably preferred, knowing his fighting habits- the kinds of weapons that would force him to fight at the kind of range where he’d be better to just use his sword.

Keith knew he’d be better with a sword.

But, Lance was unperturbed by that, too grim and determined to experience anything like hesitation or fear. “I’m off then…” he said, stepping away towards the door. “You’ve got a lion to bond with-”

“Lance, wait,” It was now or never. Keith grabbed his wrist and pulled him back, stepping in closer. He answered the confusion spreading over Lance’s face by reaching behind his back for his knife. He wouldn’t be needing it, and besides...there was something poetic in sending Lance away with the knife his mother had left for the person she loved most.

Lance just stared for a long moment before reaching out and closing his hand around the hilt reverently. “Don’t...you have to have be Galra for this to work?”

Keith had thought about that too, and he reached into his pocket. It had been a bitch to pull the melding chips out of the Paladin helmets, but Lance had slept long enough for him to tear apart the padding. He opened his palm and explained, “You’ll be connected to one.”

Lance blinked and looked at the knife, “I thought this thing read your genetics or something, not your brain.”

“It’s reading quintessence.”

“So, this means that our…” the gears were turning visibly in Lance’s head as it dawned on him that it was all related. The way the lions bonded with their pilots through their quintessence, the pilots bonded with each other. When they were melding, their lifeforces were connected.

Keith had been speculating ever since Pidge had explained the connections between technology and nature. He hadn’t tested his theory that the blade read it’s user’s quintessence, but that was the only explanation he could figure for how it activated when he’d accepted the Blade of Marmora’s mission- and no sooner. The blade read his quintessence- his very being, so it had known when he'd been worthy of the sword. He was sure about this, he could feel it in his gut.

Lance was still chewing through the revelation, staring down at the simple knife in his hand and then realizing, “You knew I’d ask to leave.”

“To go save your family?” Keith finished attaching his melding chip and gave a soft smile at the awe in Lance’s tone- always so surprised when someone was thinking of him. He pinched the second chip between his fingers and reached up to attach it to Lance’s temple, “Of course I knew. Doesn’t mean I’m happy to let you go.”

“Keith…”

He finished taping the chip and stepped back, “Try it.”

Lance closed his eyes as if he needed to concentrate to fall into the familiar tug of their meld. Keith sunk in easily and watched the blade extend in Lance’s hands, stretching out into its familiar long sword. He grinned at the awed exclamation of, “Whoa!” and let Lance figure out how to retract the blade himself.

Keith took the knife back to wrap it and put it in its pouch. “The Blade of Marmora will be with you,” he promised. He'd make sure of it. If Kolvian wouldn’t commit troops...Keith knew an agent who’d always be willing to go off the books for family.

When he glanced up, Lance’s fingers were absently touching the chip at his temple, his gaze distant and lost.

He finished strapping the pouch around Lance's waist, tugging hard at the strap to get his attention. It felt important to get this across- to make sure Lance knew where he belonged, that he knew he had something important to come back to here, but even while he was away, “ _I’ll_ be with you.”

Lance’s mouth opened, jaw dropping dumbly as if he wanted to say something but couldn't.

Keith was curious enough to dip into the meld, and... _oh_.

Lance wanted to kiss him.

Beyond the rush of blood to Keith’s ears and the dark blush that was giving away the intrusion- if Lance hadn’t already felt him rifling in his head, Keith felt vaguely...insulted? Frustrated. This had been building for months, hadn’t it? Probably longer. However many years it had been since Lance had held his hand and reassured him that yes- he was part of a team, a good team, and then promptly denied that memory and left Keith to ignore all his attraction and longing.

And here they were, at the end of it all…saving everything but time.

Before the moment could pass or transition into a loaded, awkward silence, Keith took Lance’s face between his hands and pulled him into a kiss, too forceful to be soft...but then it was. A gasp for air, warm breath and tentative hands cupping his cheeks and sliding back into his hair. Lance kissed back like one would expect, off-guard and eager to impress. Keith drew on a full bottom lip once- twice, then pulled away. It felt like a promise, establishing an anchor in each other, but also like a demand- less " _be safe"_ and more " _come back and do this right"_.

When he opened his eyes, Lance was stepping out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please rate and review! It means a lot.


	5. As We Know It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter had too much happening at once so I split it in two. The other half will come out this week.  
> I also made a [playlist](https://playmoss.com/en/ciceroprofacto/playlist/klance-songs)  
> 

There wasn’t time to dwell on what had just happened. Keith’s life had become a whirlwind of difficult decisions, but losing Lance wasn’t a choice- just an inevitability he chose not to fight. The blue paladin was gone to them already and demanding he stay would only see him sink further into himself, fall apart before their eyes.

Lance had to go.

Keith wasn’t surprised that Shiro was frustrated with him for not consulting the team, but after a few curt words, he was willing to accept that there hadn’t been time for argument. Keith expected the Garrison to be angry that he’d stolen the Altean pods. He expected Kolvian to be furious that he’d broken their oath of secrecy and gone behind his back to put Krolia on a support mission he hadn’t authorized.

He didn’t expect- “What were you thinking?!” Matt said, grabbing his wrist and pulling him roughly from the briefing room.

“I was thinking my teammate deserves the chance to save his family,” Keith ripped his arm away. “ _You_ should know that’s how we work,” he was jumping quickly to aggressive, but he’d been chewed-out too many times already.

Matt’s mouth fell open, “The Garrison’s Voltron Vehicles are in their prototype phase and the Castle isn’t finished- we don’t have wormhole capability, so there’s no running here. You need Voltron and you need him at top-fighting form.”

“We’ll have him,” Keith said. It earned a skeptical look, but, “I had a great bond with Red before. He’ll take me back. And Shiro’s been piloting Black-”

“Not against Sendak.”

Keith studied Matt’s face, the dark surety in the set of his jaw. There was something unsettling about it, but he didn’t have time for this. He pushed Matt away and turned from the room.

...

When the fleet came, it was immediately clear that this was Sendak’s main force. The initial cruiser may have been a scouting team or a preliminary attack directed at the paladins themselves, but this fleet did not take prisoners. The lead cruiser set it’s lasers on the equator and worked its way up the landmass of North America first, targeting the Garrison.

This was the real attack.

With their combined, polished skills and unleashed abilities, they were quickly wiping out the Galra fighters and working in close to Sendak’s jugular-

But, Keith could feel Lance in his head, his emotions like waves of apprehension, grief and rage. He felt the spike in Lance’s focus when Saturn came within view. He tried to keep his own emotions in check not to cause distractions, but it didn’t help that Lance was trying to send thoughts in complete sentences…

“Lance, just tap me into your helmet mic,” he said, not meaning to speak aloud.

Pidge replied first, “What?”

Then Hunk and Shiro caught on, “Are you melding with Lance right now?” and “Where is he?”

“He’s getting close to Titan,” Keith said, pushing a hand to his temple.

“Put him on comms,” Shiro said, and while it may have been a distraction, no one questioned it.

Lance’s voice gave a weary greeting and a brief apology for leaving without warning- which no one accepted on account of no one needing it.

“You’re doing what any of us would’ve done,” Pidge said.

“Well, thanks. Also- I’m gonna have to go quiet now- we’re about to eject and jet inside.”

The communication cut out, and for a few minutes, Keith could focus on the fight. Getting in close to the cruiser, he found himself directing the team over Shiro’s orders and caught himself, falling back so hard he missed a covering shot and Hunk was blown into the side of the cruiser.

Then- to add a distraction, Lance had figured out how to project images into his mind- a clear pod containing a humanoid alien, similar to the ones Lotor had been using to drain the Alteans of quintessence, _“Do you recognize these?”_

“Those are the same as what we saw on Lotor’s colony,” Keith replied aloud.

Shiro immediately asked what he was talking about which took a moment of explanation they didn’t have time for with Sendak’s lead cruiser setting its guns on them.

Keith needed to figure out how to reply in the meld, so he pushed into Lance’s mind. But, if getting past distractions was the goal, that was counterproductive. Lance’s thoughts and feelings were a mess of not only grief but confusion and curiosity- _Keith had kissed him_. _He had kissed back._

_What did that mean?_

_What were they to each other now?_

_Had he ruined everything?_

_Was it any good?_

_What was Keith thinking about it?_

_Did it mean Keith felt the same?_

It was a lot to process, and this was _really_ not the time to try and answer any of those questions. The lions fought off the first wave of Sendak’s forces, each pilot fighting at their peak capability, throwing bayard moves and slicing through the Galra's defenses, but as they broke into teams and covered ground, Keith found himself taking the lead too often and, when Shiro gave the command, “Form Voltron!” they flew in formation fruitlessly.

“What’s going on?” Hunk’s voice came over their comms.

“We can’t form Voltron!” Allura said. “Something’s wrong with our connection.”

“Um, guys?” Lance's voice came came through static over their comms as he patched in. “We’re comin’ in hot!”

“What does that mean?” Shiro said.

But, Keith had already saw it through Lance’s eyes. “We have a second cruiser incoming!” he shouted, “On our six.”

But, it didn’t make sense. Why move a prisoner ship into a battle zone if it was carrying key prisoners to be used against Voltron? Why risk that?

Lance’s voice came in staticky “I’m not sure what’s going on, guys, but the power....doing weird things- I don’t know how long I’ll-....to talk-...” the communication cut out, so Lance projected his thoughts more aggressively into Keith’s head, dragging him through passageways with familiar purple lighting and Galra tech. He was leading a band of prisoners through the hallways, shooting down guards as they ran.

Pushing into the meld was a tactical move to keep Keith informed of what was happening on the Galra cruiser- the voices over their intercoms, the fighting orders going out to their ships. But, Lance's feelings were...more than Keith was prepared for. The second cruiser was approaching, and without the castle, they were diverting all Garrison and rebel ships to support. Keith just wanted to keep up with the speed of Red’s guns and steering, still adjusting back to the stick.

He needed Lance to stop.

Keith pushed back against the meld, trying to get Lance to understand that his confusion about a simple kiss was distracting. Lance could be so serious about romance, and Keith could feel how _terrified_ he was of what they’d done- of who they were. It was adding an extra edge to his own fighting.

Too aggressive, too hot, infuriating.

He didn’t know what to think- didn’t want to think about this.

He’d spent so long, convincing himself he was better off alone, better to leave everyone else alone, it was hard to imagine being part of a... _thing_ with someone. He’d never needed it, always specifically _not_ needed it.

_Did he like Lance?_

Yes!

_Did he want to date him?_

Maybe? It might be worth a shot.

_Did he want to be a couple?_

...couldn’t really imagine what that’d look like...but…

_Did he want to be exclusive? Run off into the sunset? Fall in love forever?_

Keith wanted to scream.

Then- something strange happened with the Garrison’s support fighters- they started turning around. An incoming message from Iverson explaining urgently that the defensive barrier over earth’s surface had been disabled and the Galra lasers had begun breaching to the surface.

Matt Holt had opened the barrier and sabotaged the Vehicle Voltron project. He was in custody, but the damage was done.

“That’s not true!” Pidge screamed.

But video footage confirmed it.

“We’re diverting our fighters to defend the surface,” Iverson said and he did not wait for a response, cutting the communication.

Then, Shiro admitted, “I feel her in my head too.” To which everyone demanded an explanation, and Allura quickly realized that it was the connection Haggar had held over Shiro’s clone. If he was feeling her prodding at Kuron’s memories and Matt had just gone berserk- it was very likely that the Matt they had known on earth was a clone of the real Matt Holt-

The theory had Pidge dissolving further into hysterics.

Shiro growled his frustration, but insisted he could focus well enough, yet with Pidge so distraught, the team was losing coordination. The more pressure mounted, the more of a distraction Lance posed and the more Keith found himself bossing his teammates around, directing them while Shiro was distracted and calling shots for which weapons to use when.

“We need to form Voltron!” Keith said, gritting his teeth against a direct hit to his railgun- which wouldn’t even be making an appearance if he wasn’t so fucking furious and fired-up. He’d made a good shot on Sendak’s cruiser and their defenses were disabled, but with two ships directing lasers and the fighters that had disengaged from the Garrison’s ships, they were overwhelmed and vulnerable.

“The Lions can sense that you’re leading from Red!” Allura growled.

“I wouldn’t be _in_ Red if you’d just told Lance to go home!” Keith snapped back. Someone needed to step up and lead the team and he wasn’t about to be lectured for it, especially not by her- “He loved you and you let him! You let him waste his time!”

“Keith!” Shiro snarled.

“Great, now we’re _really_ not gonna form Voltron,” Hunk said.

But, he was right. Keith gripped his throttle and beat back a squad of fighters that were pursuing Pidge. He took a steadying breath, “Allura- I’m sorry,” he said. “Seriously, I am. But, Lance is in my head and he’s found prisoners and none of them have been his family and he’s panicking and now we can’t form Voltron and...” he groaned, “And, you couldn’t have changed any of it.” He realized that as he said it and took another deep breath. “I wasn’t fast enough to save them and it’s not your fault that Lance didn’t go…”

There was silence over the comms and Keith didn’t know whether that was the amount of focus everyone needed in the fight or the impact of his words. Stubbornness was more his MO, but Lance was sending fear and regret and _none of those people were his family_.

Keith leaned against his stick, swinging out of the cruiser’s fire and hooking his claws into the ship’s hull, tearing at an engine room. “Shiro- we really need you to take charge here,” he said.

Just then, a bright purple light shot from the control deck of the second cruiser- the one Lance was aboard.

Everyone shouted their surprise.

Keith sent his confusion into the meld, but Lance either didn’t understand what he wanted to know or was too busy to notice it. The beam touched-down on Earth’s surface and a jolt of recognition vibrated through the team.

“It’s Haggar!” Allura shouted from Blue’s cockpit. “That ray is dark magic! She’s pulling the quintessence from earth.”

It was suddenly so much easier to form Voltron.

Keith felt his own panic and rage breaking into the meld, met with a sharp pang of worry and more of Lance’s clingy longing and fear. He tried to pull back, but Lance only opened the meld further, probably thinking the push was an invitation. His questions poured in, loud and demanding and- how did he even have space in his mind for this right now?

 _"Focus!"_ Keith shoved him back and felt the immediate recoil and worry. He snapped into the meld, “ _I like you! Let that be enough!”_

_“What?”_

_“Just get out!”_

_“I can’t with this chip on,”_ Lance said, his voice soft with worry, _“What’s happening? The power went down here- I can't see what's happening with you...”_

“We have to take out that ship!” Shiro said.

“Lance and Krolia are still on board!” Allura replied.

Pidge gave a scream of frustration. “I can’t reach their communicator with that energy interfering.”

_“Get out of there right now!”_

_“Keith, I just said-”_

_“No- off the ship, Lance!”_

_“What? We’re not done- we’re clearing cells. There’re still three levels and I haven’t found-”_

Keith grabbed onto the threads of connection in his mind, concentrating hard to shove Lance into his own senses- the purple beam, sucking quintessence from the core of the earth, the green landmasses darkening to a charred black from the coastlines, working its way in, _“It's coming from your cruiser. We have to take it out now!”_

Lance was too shocked to reply, a dark understanding reaching into their bond. If they didn’t destroy this ship, there would be nothing left...earth would be dead.

No one was worth that.

“Do we have eyes on the ship?” Shiro was saying.

“Escape pods have ejected from fourteen levels,” Pidge said, “I can’t see who’s aboard, but there’d be no reason for the Galra to be evacuating. Those must be prisoners.”

“What about Lance?” Hunk said.

Allura replied, “We can track the Altean pods.”

“Do it,” Shiro said. “But- whatever happens, once we disable the shield, we take the ship out. Keith, form sword!”

Something tightened in Keith’s chest, threatening to burst and he let out a small fraction of it, screaming into his bayard as he thrust it into position and twisted. His thoughts became a mantra of _please get out, please get out please please-_ He drove the blade into the barrier, cracking it, but with all his force, it didn’t shatter until Allura, Pidge, and Hunk all joined their bayards and Keith’s sword extended into the energy field. It broke down smooth and fast.

“First pod’s out!” Allura said.

“Now! Attack!”

Keith followed Shiro’s command and rushed forward with the team, but he pushed at Lance urgently, knowing he was _not_ aboard that pod that'd escaped, _“Lance we’re going for the engine, you have to-”_

_“Noted.”_

The connection broke.

Keith only had a flash of intention before Lance had ripped off the melding chip. The connection tore with Keith inside. A sharp, splitting pain shot through him and he screamed aloud, grabbing at the retreating threads of Lance...

It was all just...darkness.

The sword went up in flames and they cut through the main hull like paper, slicing into the ship’s core engine room. It was less of Keith’s own decision and more the overwhelming will of the team, the urgency of the situation, and the sight of earth’s surface charing away into ash.

The explosions began over the neck of the cruiser.

A new voice came over Red’s comm, “Keith!” His mother’s face came up on screen, the explosions of the ship making a backdrop to her cockpit in a way that meant she’d turned around back into the frey.

“Mom!”

“Lance is still inside,” she said.

“I know. He broke the meld-”

“Then he’s also unarmed.” So he’d either run out of ammunition or lost his guns, working only with Keith's sword. Krolia closed her eyes as if she was in pain, then seemed to come to a decision. “I failed the Red Lion once, Keith,” she said, voice gritted in urgency, “I _won’t_ lose his paladin.”

Her voice was pleading, and Keith understood- she was asking for his permission.

If she went back in, she might not make it out in time, and… _I will never leave you again._

“Go.”

__________

 

There had to be more prisoners. Krolia had hacked into the ship’s maps, but Lance hadn’t cleared every level of cells, and most of the prisoners he’d found were Galra or other aliens.

There had to be more.

Keith would be angry he’d ripped off the chip, but he couldn’t stop now, and if this was it- if this was where he’d die, he didn’t want Keith’s quintessence attached to him. He was out of ammunition and without the meld, his knife was just a little blade. But, there had been humans in a few of the cells, so it was _possible_.

It wasn’t over.

Krolia had activated the last of the escape pods before calling him to start their own evacuation. There had been a loud explosion on the line and Lance was pretty sure she was hit or at least thrown around. But, he was sure she’d made it out, so when he rounded the corner to the last cell block and she was running at him into the line of a guard’s fire, he screamed.

She was hit and went down hard.

Lance reacted without thinking. He ran at the guard.

...

There hadn’t been time to regret the choice, but as Lance touched down in the pod and ran into the hull to get Krolia, he feared for a moment that he’d lost her too. He put a hand over the bloody patch of her side and prayed.

Then, “You saved me.” Her voice was weak and he couldn’t speak to respond, but her hand reached out and clenched his tightly. Something in her tone seemed to recognize the decision he’d made.

Lance was trying not to think about it.

Keith was the first person to find him in the hangar and his face dropped at the sight of the blood on Krolia’s suit and her arm over Lance’s shoulder. He rushed to Lance’s side, taking her weight from him and giving a small pause to meet his eyes. Lance knew Keith could see what had happened written all over his face and he dropped his eyes, unable to be seen right now. He couldn't handle the way Keith's expression twisted in horror.

There hadn’t been time for more than this...

If his family had been on that ship, they were gone.

When they reached the infirmary, the place was packed, every stretcher filled by someone groaning in pain or unconscious and near-death. The overflow was down the hall, and Lance kept behind Keith, following him as he wove through the crowd, keeping his eyes set firmly between his shoulder blades. He set an anchor on the divots in Keith's armor, the shift of his hair against his collar, the sweat on the back of his neck- familiar things to keep his feet on the floor. He trailed behind like a ghost.

Hunk found them at the door and helped get Krolia onto a stretcher. He turned to Lance, and missed the emotional cue, “Your family?”

Keith was stepping towards Hunk in warning, but Lance just shook his head.

There had been enough time to accept this outcome as a possibility. As soon as Keith had said the words _there’s been an attack_ , Lance had known it would be this. As much as he'd refused the thought, this was the future he’d seen a long time ago, and rushing off to try and save his family was a formality to prevent a crushing regret. It was Fate. He’d wanted it to be something else- of course he had, but some part of him had always known.

Some part of him had been prepared for this gutting for three years.

Keith squeezed his arm and Lance lifted his eyes, finding a sympathetic pain flickering over his face. It felt like permission to fall apart, but before Lance could collapse into himself- “The drain on Earth’s quintessence destroyed a large portion of our atmosphere, but wherever defensive barriers were in place, they’re activated- you probably saw that on your landing,” he explained. “The losses were...bad.”

Lance swallowed and nodded. He knew what Keith was doing and it did help ground him. There wasn’t time to break down. Everyone lost something today.

“A general evacuation is underway, and the Garrison has it’s full force deployed, searching for remaining survivors outside the barriers.”

“Shouldn’t Voltron be helping?” Lance said.

Keith glanced across the infirmary towards where Shiro was sitting on a bench, answering questions to a woman with a clipboard. “We’re not all at a hundred-percent right now,” he said. “And, in all honesty...there’s not much out there to find.”

“We upgraded the range on the Garrison's standard-issue bioscanners,” Hunk said, “and we know the breathable altitude’s dropped to about two-thousand feet which...narrows down the search.”

It was a harrowing thought, but there were too many of those to sift through right now.

Hunk broke off when he saw Pidge and her father. She was hugging him mournfully, and it was a small comfort to see at least one person openly feeling something...

Keith watched Hunk run off to them, some of the tension on his face releasing. “I suppose the silver lining is Sendak’s gone,” he said, “and Haggar’s in retreat for now. There’s enough left to rebuild, and Sam’s gonna be spearheading a Vehicle Voltron team to begin exploring for refugee planets.” Lance nodded along as Keith explained the plans for the project. It was something he, Matt, and Iverson had begun in preparation for defending Earth once Voltron left with the Castle. It would be used for a very different purpose now.

Lance was too distracted to really understand most of it. He couldn’t move past- “Don’t take this the wrong way, but...how did this happen?” Keith planned out their defenses perfectly. Their patrols had been seamless and strong. There should’ve at least been a warning.

Keith frowned and met his eyes, but instead of answering, he just reached out and squeezed Lance’s shoulder, “I’ll explain in the debrief.”

__________

 

Lance was gentle about not implying that he blamed Keith for what happened, and Keith wasn’t one to be weighed down with guilt, but he did know his own responsibilities.

He had to be better than this.  _How did this happen?_

He tore apart a punching bag until his limbs stopped shaking then went to his mother’s bedside and sat over her unconscious form. The gentle beeping of a heart monitor helped him focus, sorting out his thoughts and planning what to say to the Coalition and the Garrison. When his father had been in the hospital after the fire, the sound had felt like a countdown. At least- this time- it was counting down until she would wake up.

Lance had given up everything to save her.

It’s not how Keith had expected her to come back to him, and he couldn't bring himself to be angry that Lance had broken the meld and tried to go back inside for his family. It didn't matter that his mother been hurt, trying to save Lance from that reckless, desperate bid. Keith would've done it all the same.

The conference room was filled by the time he arrived.

He received progress reports of Earth's evacuation and a debrief from Iverson about Matt’s detainment. They had concluded that he was the one to disable their alarms for the first wave of attacks. Pidge jumped in quickly, insisting on the clone theory and Shiro provided backing, explaining the Kuron project, and his experience with Matt in Sendak’s custody. They pushed on the topic until the Garrison agreed to put off Matt's trial.

Keith expected all of these conversations and knew where they’d go- keeping Matt imprisoned until they could find a solution to Haggar’s control.

He'd known she would be their next focus.

Keith was more interested in, “Lance, you saw viles of quintessence on Haggar’s ship similar to those that Lotor was collecting from the Alteans on his colony. I’d seen those before in her instillations…”

Lance had been quiet throughout the brief, absorbing everything he’d missed on his rescue mission. He’d suited up into his paladin armor as if to publicly reclaim the place he’d vacated, and Keith hadn’t questioned it at all. He would be glad if Lance could find stability in his role on the team. But, now that he was being directly addressed, he looked raw and unable to reply.

“Remember when we infiltrated that secret base where Zarkon took Allura?" Keith said. "I ran off on my own.”

Lance nodded.

“When I went after Shiro, there was a whole facility, filled with clones of him. I think the quintessence we saw- you on that ship and when I was on that base- it was all drained from people,” Keith wasn’t sure how- call it a gut feeling, but he was sure of this, “It’s how she’s been making her clones.”

Allura was nodding at his side, picking at her lip in thought, “It would make sense,” she said, “Quintessence is life itself. To copy it, you would be copying a person's very essence. That's how Haggar must be doing it- she has the quintessence of her subjects, and she’s engaged in some dark forms of Altean magic.”

“And, she knows more than ever,” Shiro said.

He’d also been totally quiet, leaving Keith to control the meeting. Haggar’s proximity had done strange things to the body that Shiro was inhabiting and it was unclear how much control she still had over it. He had been wary to even come to this meeting for fear of being used as an unwitting spy, but Keith had moderated their discussion to avoid giving away anything important. Now, considering the idea that Haggar may have his quintessence in her possession- had always had it...it was a disturbing thought, but Keith got the feeling it was one that Shiro had been wrestling with for awhile.

Shiro had his arms folded over his chest, glaring down at the table. “She’s been to Oriande."

A heavy beat hit the room.

There was confusion from the Coalition leaders and the Garrison- why the harrowed expressions on team Voltron’s faces, why was Coran shaking?

Allura swallowed audibly by Keith’s side, “She never would’ve made it past the guardians.”

“She did.”

...

The meeting closed and room cleared as everyone set off with their own tasks. There was so much to be done it was dizzying, but when Lance sat firm, hands clenched over the table, Keith held back. A few concerned glances passed back to him from Shiro and Allura, but there was a charged understanding.

There were a dozen tasks that needed the Paladins of Voltron, but Keith was most-needed here.

At Lance’s side.

No one had lost as much today. Keith knew Lance had an overwhelming family- a family that loved him- that drowned him, muffled him out, left him flailing for attention. A family like that would leave a big hole, and now that there was no one to push past, Lance would either fall on his face or go barrelling forward.

Someone should be there to catch him.

Someone who was...much better at this than Keith.

Lance hadn't said a word during the meeting, had barely spoken at all since he'd landed, and Keith knew why- when his father had died, he'd lost his voice for a week and not in a physical sense. Most people didn't realize- tragedy and silence had the exact same address. When it hit, it hit so hard you couldn't breathe to speak of it. Keith knew. Keith knew, if Lance opened his mouth for a second, everything might start spilling out- might never stop spilling out. He knew that it was a terrifying leap, but now that the room was clear, there was no one else to see it...

And Keith would stay here forever if it never stopped. He'd gather up whatever fell out and put it back, hold Lance up if he started to fall.

They were fast-approaching the precipice.

The traditional _hey, man_ didn’t feel appropriate. Keith put a hand on Lance’s shoulder, turning his chair around to face him, “Lance...I’m so sorry,” he said. Lance shook away the apology because it wasn’t satisfying and Keith knew that- none of this was his own fault. Words weren't going to help, but the silence was worse, and- “What happened...you didn’t deserve-”

Lance stood and his arms were around Keith’s shoulders, squeezing tight enough to make him grunt.

He closed his arms around the other man, and let him shake apart.

Lance felt so small. It all felt so wrong. Keith put his hand on the back of Lance’s head, holding him steady. There was no meld to blame for the waves of grief or the tears running over his own cheeks. “I’m here…” he said, “I’ve got you.”

...

Keith usually slept best after exhausting battles, but he spent that night with Pidge, reviewing the records of the fight while she watched surveillance of her brother for evidence of the Kuron project. There wasn’t time during the day to spend at this.

“Took you long enough,” Pidge had said when he rolled into the audio room. She was slurping at a cup of noodles and pushed one across the desk towards him. “Food’s cold.”

“You knew I’d be here,” he said.

“Well, this is normally Shiro’s gig, and he’s kinda compromised so,” she shrugged. “I just figured.”

Keith nodded like that made sense to him and grabbed a fork. He’d stayed with Lance for a few hours before urgent messages on his phone became urgent calls, and Lance had passed out anyway. He recruited Hunk to stay with Lance- they agreed he shouldn’t have to be alone when he woke up.

Watching their cockpit cams was a grueling bore, but it didn’t take long to notice- “Pidge, can you enhance this?” He zoomed in on the purplish blur, just a small wisp of light in the footage from the pod, but Keith could’ve sworn he saw the whole moon jerk a little.

Pidge rolled her chair to him and tapped at the keyboard. The screen blurred over and cleaned the picture. She gasped, “That looks like the edge of a wormhole! It’s the same color as the one the sincline ships used- lemme check for gravitational disturbance.” She pulled the footage and rolled to the other side of the room.

“The whole moon jerked,” Keith said, “there’s obviously a disturbance!”

Pidge frowned at him and resumed running her model. “If someone opened a wormhole while we lost eyes on that cruiser, it was either to bring something in...or take something out,” she said.

“...or _someone_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments and support! it means a lot.


	6. Choice

Keith waited for Krolia to wake up to talk about the wormhole.

He’d _known_ it hadn’t added up. He made it a point to know the enemy and he knew that Haggar wouldn’t bring key prisoners into a war zone if it was possible to transfer them out. But, while his intuition was usually right, he didn’t need to solidify a reputation for wild theories, especially when those theories could wildly damage a friend’s emotional state.

His mother agreed. “For Lance’s sake, make sure there’s good evidence they were taken and transferred. He can’t get his hopes up on a long shot.”

Keith nodded. Since he’d been sitting at her side, his thoughts felt slow and heavy, too thick to touch. He only knew he was glad she was awake- glad she’d been there when she had- “Thank you…” he said, taking her hand, “for going back in after him.”

She smiled, warm and weighty, “I like him. He’s good for you.”

Keith didn’t question her for saying that or bother trying to correct her assumptions. She’d seen the knife that Lance had carried, so...she at least had a sense how much he meant. Keith wasn’t really sure if she was wrong anyway. He rested a hand on her arm and said, “I have to go, but I’ll be back for mess call.”

She covered his hand.

…

Lance was leaning against the doorframe of the briefing room Shiro had specified in his message to the groupchat. He was obviously waiting, so Keith stopped. “Hey, man…” he said, careful.

Lance’s mouth was set and his shoulders were stiff, but it was hard to ignore the memory of how those shoulders had shaken and hunched into his chest less than twenty-four hours ago.

“You...felt some things through the meld,” Lance said, direct in a jarring way. His mouth was set and there was something missing from his eyes- as if a light had gone out behind the blue leaving an ashen grey. Pidge and Hunk were rounding the corner for the meeting. “I think we need to talk about it-”

Shiro was coming down the hall now too and Keith grabbed Lance’s arm and pulled him back towards the door, “We don’t have time for this, Lance,” he said because it was true. If they were going to talk about... _feelings,_ he needed time to do it right, clear-headed and tactful, not distracted with the recovery effort. The words were harsh, so he took Lance’s hand for good measure. “Come to my room later tonight. We’ll have plenty of time then.”

Lance just nodded.

Everyone had found chairs as they walked into the briefing room and Shiro was running his hands nervously through his hair, prosthetic arm folded over his chest until Keith shut the door behind them, and the other joined it.

He took a deep breath, “I have to step down from piloting Black while Kuron’s memories are affecting me,” he said. “I’m leaving tonight.”

“What!” The announcement shocked the room, and as usual, Keith was the most affected, “You don’t have to _leave_.”

He had spent so long refusing to let himself rely on anyone- feel attached to anything as fleeting as a human life. Shiro had changed that for him- changed everything for him, and he kept _losing_ him. Shiro had seen his reckless confidence before Keith had even known it existed. He forgave and indulged his awkward, rigid formality until Keith was able to loosen and show him who he was- made him comfortable with taking leaps, kept him grounded when he realized how addictive those leaps could be. He brought him out from the walls that he’d built. Shiro’s curiosity was relentless no matter how grumpy and guarded Keith remained. Shiro never seemed to give up on him- on knowing him and seeing him succeed, and that meant...so much.

Shiro had always been family, but Keith had only just allowed himself to accept that. He finally felt strong enough to protect that...and now he was losing it again?

He wanted more time.

Shiro gave him a somber look, “I’ve thought hard about it, Keith. We can’t risk whatever connection Haggar has to this body giving away our plans or our position. Matt didn’t know exact locations where Lance and Hunk’s families lived and she didn’t even have to hack into the Garrison’s system to know exactly where to strike. She saw it through me.”

A heavy beat went through the room as the information sank in. Keith glanced towards Lance who seemed utterly unsurprised, hardened to the theory with his gaze set low. Any anger Lance should have felt was just...torn out and hollow. Keith wasn’t sure he could reach Lance with words or touch if he tried, but he had the overwhelming need for Lance to lift his eyes and know someone was looking- someone _saw_.

“Where will you go?” Coran said.

“I have to find the source of her control over me,” Shiro was saying, “see if there’s any way to break it.”

Keith wanted to protest, but Shiro was right. He wasn’t in any state to be leading Voltron if their battle for earth was any indication, and being close to the team and hearing their plans if she could access his mind was not safe. Everything Keith had done, all this time, had revolved around following Shiro and protecting him, and that always meant chasing him down. It was time to let Shiro protect them.

“Such information may exist in Oriande,” Allura said, “I could go with you-”

“We can’t split up while Earth is so vulnerable,” Shiro said immediately. “The team needs you to form Voltron.” It was out of the question.

“Then contact Romelle,” Keith said. He looked at Allura, “You said she has promise as an alchemist. Maybe she can help.”

Allura agreed and it was decided.

After the meeting, Keith hung back to talk to Shiro alone, reassure him that none of this was his fault. He wasn’t surprised when Lance waited to do the same- he’d probably be better at it, the words would mean more coming from him, and Keith found himself standing back and letting Lance take the reins.

It was nice, hearing the sentiments he could never get out, spoken so clearly. Nice to have someone on his side, good at the things he lacked.

 _He’s good for you._ He always had been.

...

When the knock came at Keith’s door, he didn’t feel prepared for it, but he doubted he ever would and he wouldn’t run from this. He couldn’t do that to Lance, even if this was harder. He’d just do what he always did- be honest.

Lance stepped inside with careful posture and gave a soft, “Hey…” overwhelmingly vulnerable.

Keith took a deep breath and moved to a desk chair. “Hey.” He offered coffee which Lance declined. He thanked Lance for what he’d said to Shiro, Lance shrugged off the praise and Keith couldn’t bring himself to be insistent. He shifted positions a few times and motioned for Lance to sit which he did slow and stiff.

It was all so awkward, and Keith was kicking himself. He wanted to take the lead, but he had no idea where to start, “So…I saw a lot of things in the meld,” he said, “but...we don’t have to worry about all this right now if you don’t-”

“I have feelings for you,” Lance cut him off, effectively shooting down the idea of waiting for a better time. Keith couldn’t hold his gaze- it was all just unnerving determination. “I think they’ve been developing for awhile without me realizing. And I wouldn’t be bringing this up at all after...well- everything if you hadn’t already seen it all in the meld. I don’t know what you might want, but I’m interested in having a relationship with you.”

Keith gaped at that. He knew he was freezing, but this is the last thing he expected Lance to be thinking about right now and he was wary about...why he was thinking of it. They should’ve just done this in the battle when everything was absolute. At least then, Keith might’ve been able to trust his gut- he wouldn’t be finding a dozen reasons to hesitate.

Lance had just lost everything- more than most. The events of their battle had torn away his opportunity to make amends with his family and with himself- his chance to reconcile his own hesitations...

Lance went on, picking up speed as if, now that the ball was rolling, he couldn’t stop. “I wouldn’t wanna jump into things right now, of course. But, we could take it slow. Basically do the same stuff we already do and just know it’s more than friends or partners or whatever-”

It didn’t feel like Lance was ready to take _anything_ slow, and Keith wasn’t sure what the point of this conversation was if their relationship wasn’t changing anyway. “Lance-”

“And, if I misread things, don’t feel pressured or anything. I just want you to be happy and if you’re happier being friends, that’s absolutely fine.”

Keith didn’t know why his own heart was breaking, but Lance seemed desperate to hear something very specific and he wasn’t sure he was ready to face what that was. “I see several concerns,” he said slowly. He’d promised himself he’d be honest.

Lance’s mouth closed shakily and his frame had gone tense like a cornered animal.

“I should start by saying I do like you. I have for a long time.” Keith couldn’t look at Lance’s face, each expression more terrifying than the last. “But...a lot just happened. I don’t think a relationship would be fair to either of us right now...slow or not.” Lance was all bleeding edges and desperate softness, loose threads flailing in a tempest. He’d need time to pull himself back together, and tangling himself up with another person wasn’t the answer. Keith didn’t want that pain associated with him. It was all still wrong. “I just...I’ve never done this before, and this isn’t exactly the easiest time to try,” he said.

It was amazing how quickly Lance’s face could go from tentatively hopeful to closed-off and focused. “That’s fair…”

Keith didn’t like that dejected tone and he was kicking himself again. This wasn’t a rejection. If he could know that Lance would be okay, it might be different, but he wasn’t good with vulnerable feelings or...expressing affection. It took a knife to Keith’s throat for him to tell _Shiro_ he cared about him. Lance didn’t need to be questioning where they stood as...boyfriends- if that’s what he was going for here. Keith needed more time to get better at this.

Lance needed him to be better at this.

In the meantime, he needed Lance to stop wearing that fragile expression. He got up from his chair and crossed the room, grabbing the other man’s shoulders and pulling him to sit on the bed with him. He considered touching his face, but caresses were beyond him, so he settled on one hand cupping the side of his neck.

Lance met his eyes, tentative and interested.

“I like you. I promise that’s not going to change,” even when he’d wanted to, he hadn’t been able to stop liking Lance- his loud bragging and theatrics, the simple invitation to be a kid for once, playful and immature. That was all so out of reach right now. But, Lance seemed to relax under his hands, absorbing that promise, and Keith counted that as a win. “Can we revisit this later?”

“Yeah.” Lance nodded and touched the arm that was braced on his shoulder. He let his face fall forward into Keith’s neck, putting his weight against him.

Lance didn’t leave Keith’s room that night.

He’d spent a few hours talking aimlessly- rambles about the time he’d spent with Allura, memories from the Garrison and observations about how the place had changed, opinions about their Vehicle Voltron project, and long-winded stories of the times the team had shared while Keith was training with the Blade of Marmora.

It was good to hear him, breaking his silence. Even if it was forced- on the edge of desperate and nothing like his familiar goofy babbles, it was a distraction that Keith facilitated, asking questions to keep him talking and eventually working up the nerve to run his fingers through Lance’s hair. That had probably been what prompted Lance to slide down and throw an arm over Keith’s stomach.

When he’d fallen asleep like that, Keith hadn’t had the heart to wake him up or tell him to leave.

...

Things moved at a strange pace after that. A lot was happening, but Keith didn’t feel directly involved in most of it and so he felt less-busy than should’ve.

Shiro had left with a small crowd of his family and his team. It was a clandestine event with tearful hugs and a lot of strategizing from Pidge. She wanted a way to know what Shiro was seeing without alerting Haggar to what she knew, so she gave him a code she’d written that translated his messages into a cypher he wouldn’t be able to read- nor would Haggar.

He grinned at the idea and warned, “Be ready for a lot of typos if I can’t see what I’m writing.”

Her laugh quickly turned into tears and, “I’m gonna miss you,” whined into Shiro’s chest in a tight hug.

Krolia had made a full recovery within a few days. Kolvian reprimanded her separately, but Keith got the worst of it for his information leak. His training was formally terminated, but he couldn’t bring himself to feel the loss of whatever opportunity he’d been chasing- he wasn’t really even sure anymore. He had enough responsibility to Voltron.

Keith spent most of his time receiving reports of the Castle’s progress, the refugees’ status, and the Vehicle Voltron project which had begun training its first recruits. He brought Lance with him to meetings and trained with him in the mornings; they ate together and hung out often. Though Keith wasn’t very talkative and Lance quickly ran out of things to say, the silence was becoming more comfortable every day…

It was certainly more comfortable than when Lance said heartbreaking things like, “We’ll go back to that beach someday- when all this is over” or “Do you think Coran would help me make a simulation with my memories of Varadero like he did with Altea...now that it’s gone?”

They spent most nights together. It wasn’t something they discussed. They didn’t always share the bed, sometimes falling asleep on each other’s couches or the floor.

When they did share the bed, Lance was...touchy.

Keith would be trying to relax when Lance’s fingers traced over his shoulders or up and down his spine. It was the kind of touch that people probably used to comfort, but Lance seemed to be doing it for himself as if having someone to touch was grounding him. He probably wasn’t aware he was doing it until Keith had tensed, and Keith hated that he’d made things awkward, but the aimless caresses and gentle exploration made him inexplicably want to cry.

He actively tried to relax, so it continued with a more tentative and charged feeling. But, the question always hung in the air, holding Keith in a helpless dangle.

Lance was more than interested in a relationship- Keith had felt it in the meld before Lance had opened his mouth to voice it, so he knew how badly Lance wanted this- to be loved, to be half of a pair.

And, Keith wasn’t sure he was built for that.

No one had ever wanted to date him. People had romanticized the _idea_ of him- the intersection of talent, attitude, and appetite that made him an attractive partner for a one night stand; but no one wanted anything to do with his temperament. So, he’d made it a thing he chose- and rigorously enforced until it was well-known. Keith didn’t _date._  Yet, this was different. Lance knew him and still had hope- still believed Keith could be good for him, and...Keith trusted him enough to follow his lead. Under different circumstances, Lance’s offer probably would’ve been an immediate yes and Keith would’ve taken it upon himself to be terrified about it on his own time, to make whatever changes he needed to be part of a pair.

But, not now. Everything Lance was, he didn’t have, it was out of reach as if torn out of him. There was no challenge in him. While it was easy and relaxing to be together, it set Keith on edge with how out of place those adjectives were to refer to spending time with _Lance._ Lance was soft skin and a tight embrace, comfortable bed sheets and steady company. But, he was suppose to be boisterous and demanding, an encouraging grin behind raised fists, the endless bragging when one of those fists managed to get in a lucky hit. He was spark and heat and warmth.

Not all these ashes. It felt like this comfort was stolen through some sort of foul play, and Keith couldn’t take advantage of that, no matter how much he enjoyed access to Lance’s gentle touches and warm breath against his skin. No, Keith would have to wait for Lance to be something more recognizable.

He spent most nights unable to sleep, listening to Lance’s quiet breath and thinking of all the things he said he’d never do. Never tell Lance how he felt. Never let himself feel it. And most of all, never let anyone else set his pace, but there wasn’t much choice.

Until there was no choice at all.

...

It was Hunk who found the surveillance when restoring the footage from the barriers that had protected his own hometown. The same technology had existed over Varadero. Allura recognized the ships from the initial attack on Cuba as those of Acxa and her Lieutenants. And, zooming in on their operation, Galra troops touched down and stormed the village.

Keith recognized Lance’s house, adjusted the angle, and saw them…

It was all the proof he needed to revisit the idea of a second ship transferring prisoners of importance out of the warzone. The McClain family had been taken and, if they hadn’t been on that ship with the other human prisoners, they had been moved. Maybe for part of Haggar’s cloning projects- as she had done to Shiro and Matt, maybe for hostages, maybe for some other horrible monstrous experiments.

Either way, Keith made directly for Lance’s room at a sprint. He was moving so fast, when he ran into Lance in the hallway between their rooms, he nearly crashed into him.

“Whoa, hey man...I was just coming to talk to you!” Lance said.

Why was he blushing? Keith didn’t have time to ask, “There’s something we need to show you.”

…

“This proves that your family was taken,” Allura explained.

Lance’s expression was lost, hollow and confused. “Why...would you show me this?” he glanced around the room, pained, eyes shifting between his teammates for an answer.

Keith understood quickly- that this would only seem to confirm to Lance that his family had been on that ship and he’d failed to save them, but- “There’s more,” Pidge said, and she pulled up the enhanced footage from the pod’s cameras, showing the wisp of purple light and Titan jumping on a gravitational disturbance. “If this is showing what we think it is,” she said, “the Galra opened up a wormhole before we found this cruiser. Keith had a theory that someone transferred the prisoners.”

“Why would they?” Lance had turned to him, challenging.

Keith had let others do the talking so far, not wanting to tangle his own biases into presenting this theory, but- “Haggar has targeted our team on a personal level before. The people we love are most at risk.”

“Yeah, they were,” Lance’s voice was hard and deeper than usual. “That’s why my family is dead.”

“We’re saying we don’t know that for sure,” Keith stepped in close to the chair Lance was occupying.

Lance met his eyes, hard and steady, his voice giving a stern warning, “Keith…”

But, there was no room for doubt, and Keith folded his arms and hardened his expression. “If there’s a chance they’re still out there, you deserve to know.”

Lance backed down easily with the whole team watching him, but his jaw set tight. “Why would they be moved then? What does she want with them?”

“We aren’t sure, but considering what they did with Shiro and the quintessence you saw aboard the ship, it’s possible that this is part of the Kuron project,” Allura said.

“Cloning? Like Pidge’s brother,” Lance sounded even more skeptical and Pidge had tensed across the table.

“We don’t know,” Keith repeated.

“We can think of no other cause to drain human prisoners of their quintessence,” Allura said. “That witch has used quintessence to make copies of those we love-”

“She’s also used it to make monsters,” Lance said. “Whatever she has probably isn’t even my family anymore.”

Keith wanted to snap at him and this defeatist bullshit, but he’d grown so careful around Lance, he couldn’t. Lance had shattered apart and gone to Keith for help putting himself back together.Keith wasn’t sure he wanted to test their handiwork, so he tempered his tone and said, “We got Shiro back, and we’ll take down Haggar and get Matt back too. Those clones have all of their memories. If your family’s out there- they’re out there.”

“We’ve already contacted Captain Olia and a rebel platoon is going to investigate Galra testing facilities in this quadrant with a team of Blades,” Allura said. “We’ll get to the bottom of this.”

Lance’s eyes drifted to Keith and he seemed to see his frustrated seething because he shifted his eyes away and took on a placating tone, “Well, thank you for letting me know about this, guys. I’ll talk to Kolvian and Olia about keeping me updated.”

Keith narrowed his eyes, unimpressed.

...

When he knocked on Lance’s door that night, there was an unusual pause before the door slid open.

Lance was sitting with his legs stretched out on his bed, “I’ve actually been meaning to talk to you,” he said, patting the other side of the rack in invitation.

Keith sat, keeping a good distance. He didn’t really plan out how he wanted to say this, but Lance would know why he’d come to talk and he could argue on the fly no problem. If there was any chance that his family was still alive out there, Lance had to follow this-

Then Lance said, “I feel like we’ve been leaving our feelings hanging.”

Keith blanched. “Oh my god.”

Lance rubbed the back of his neck nervously and sheepishness had no right to look cute right now while Keith was becoming increasingly furious. “I was hoping we could revisit that conversation tonight?”

That’s what he wanted to talk about? He _had_ to know why Keith had come to talk. This was about leaving with Captain Olia’s crew, and Lance really wanted to deflect that conversation with a blow at Keith’s soft spot.

“I know this isn’t really something you wanna talk about, but I’m just really lost,” Lance said. “I don’t wanna push you.”

He never pushed hard enough. Keith was itching for an excuse to lash out. “Why are you doing this?”

“What?”

“You know why I came to talk to you! You saw what we showed you. Your family is out there!”

Lance stared as if he expected further explanation, but Keith was too frustrated to spell it all out. Lance shrugged, “Even if they were, what does that have to do with this?”

“Because you need to go after them! You know asking me this now…” Keith growled and pushed up from the bed. “What do you want? You want me to ask you to stay?” He couldn’t look at Lance right now. “Why would you do this- to prove that you’re important to me?”

“What the heck, Keith. I _am_ staying,” he said- naive. A gentle hand fell onto Keith’s shoulder and Lance’s voice was far too close, “I wouldn’t bring this up if I planned to leave. I wouldn’t do that to you…”

He had to be playing dumb, and Keith was pushing his fists into the wall needing to strain against something. “Would you not?!” Lance’s hand retreated as Keith spun on his heel and yanked Lance’s closet open, grabbing a duffle bag and ripping a handful of shirts off their hangars, shoving them into the bag.

“Whoa!” Lance said, stumbling to grab Keith’s arms and pull him away from the closet. “What’re you doing?”

Keith threw his hands off and dropped the bag at Lance’s feet. “Pack.”

Lance stared at it, brows drawn. It wasn’t confusion on his face though. Keith could see that Lance knew exactly what he was demanding and every inch of his body was resisting the idea. When he didn’t move to pack the bag, Keith turned back to the closet to do it for him. Lance grabbed his wrist and said, “No, Keith! I’m not doing this again- I won’t let you do this to me again-”

“What?”

“I can’t think that I’ll find them. As long as I don’t expect that, I won’t…” Lance stopped himself and grit his teeth, biting back tears.

Wouldn’t be hurt again.

 _Won’t let you do this to me_...Keith understood. It did hurt to hear that his bitterness extended to Keith, that some part of Lance- no matter how small and repressed it was, did blame Keith for getting his hopes up and sending him on his failed rescue mission. Now, he was afraid to do it again.

But, fear wasn’t an excuse. If Lance didn’t follow this lead, he’d never forgive himself.  The possibility that his family had survived and he _hadn’t_ gone after them would linger over him for the rest of his life. He needed to be strong enough to try despite possible disappointment- to take a chance. To take every chance. To keep fighting. It was infuriating to see Lance giving up, refusing to drag himself off the floor, and worse- forcing Keith into a position of having to do it for him.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Lance said. “I’d rather stay _here_ with _you_ than chase-”

“No!” Keith snapped and spun on him, pointing his finger at Lance’s chest like a small knife he could drive into his heart, “You are leaving with Captain Olia,” he said. “You will have your bags packed tonight and report to their shuttle in the morning.”

Lance was staring at him in shock. “Are you...ordering me?”

This felt like the exact opposite of when Pidge had tried to leave without a replacement. There was no one to replace Lance in Red with Shiro gone and Keith in Black, and yet Keith wouldn’t let Lance hold himself back. He felt equally furious in a totally different way. He hadn’t really considered that he could pull rank, but- “Do I have to?”

Lance held a firm glare as if testing Keith’s resolve for any give, but Keith gave none, narrowing his eyes.

It was bad enough to let Lance leave on his initial infiltration of that cruiser, bad enough to send Lance away willingly, knowing it may be for a very long time. Would Lance really make Keith push him away- when he’d finally fought off the instinct to do just that? When they were so close to...something real?

Lance’s shoulders dropped and he turned, picked up the bag and tossed it onto his bed, tugging the drawstring open.

He packed in angry silence for a long while, emptying his drawers with sharp jerky movements until Keith gave in and accepted the surrender, grabbing the pile of clothes Lance was throwing into the bag haphazardly and sorting through it to make neat skivvy rolls. It was a useful habit he’d picked up with his Marmora undersuits, making it faster to dress for the day.

At his side, Lance’s hands had stilled. Keith didn’t notice until the man collapsed to his knees, face falling into the mattress.

“What?” he looked down, “Lance?” His shoulders were shaking, so Keith dropped down beside him and put a hand on the flat plane of his back.

The patchy job they’d done of holding him together was cracking like it was all held together with scotch tape. All the grief underneath, brimming over the seams, and Lance was shaking apart again, “I can’t…” he sobbed and tossed himself up from the bed to grab onto Keith instead. “I can’t- again- what if-...they weren’t …” he shook his head miserably. “What if-?”

It went without saying- _what if they’re gone?_ “Then nothing changes,” Keith said softly. He shifted to sit over Lance’s lap, turning him on the floor so Lance’s back braced against the mattress and he could sob into his shoulder. “But, you are alive, and you’ll survive again. The only difference is you will’ve tried.”

There was something growling in Keith’s chest, angry and protective, pinning Lance down and kneeling over him like this. He didn’t have a whole lot of room to rub his back with his hand pinched against the bed, but he stroked his thumb lightly over what surface was available. He’d never known his hands were capable of being so gentle.

When Lance’s breathing calmed, Keith sat back enough to relieve his aching knees. Lance somehow managed to still look put-together and beautiful with the residue of tears all over his face and his hair sticking up at odd angles from where he’d been rubbing it into Keith’s neck. Keith reached up to scratch that neck, “I’m sorry I yelled…” he offered. He wasn’t sorry for much else.

“I know,” Lance spoke as if he was done with this subject.

But, Keith didn’t think he could be. He pinched his lips in warning, then- “But, you only wanted to talk about our relationship to avoid a mission you were afraid of.” He tried to keep the accusation out of his voice, but he didn’t quite succeed because Lance’s shoulders dropped. “What did you think I’d say?”

Lance tried to pull his legs out from under Keith, but when Keith didn’t budge to allow it, he huffed and gave up, “First of all, I wanted to ask you about it before you went and showed me that footage-”

“But you still brought it up after you saw,” Keith pushed. Lance had to know that he’d insist he had to chase this lead. And, screw it- Lance might be fragile right now but Keith was hurting too. “You had to know how I’d feel…I won’t let you lose this chance to get your family back, but...you would make me choose…” to push him away again. After the last few weeks of closeness, of comfortable vulnerability- it was an excruciating choice.

Lance understood, dropping his eyes with a show of pain that was only skin-deep. “I’m sorry- all I do is hurt you.”

“Don’t do that-” Keith huffed, “dump on yourself to make me pick you up.” He pushed Lance back against the mattress by his collar, fingers digging into the meat of his shoulder. “When I was down on myself as a leader, you didn’t let me fall apart or feed me comforting bullshit. You told me blunt, to my face- I did something wrong and I needed to change.”

Lance’s eyes were huge and wary, cornered in Keith’s intensity.

Keith didn’t try to bask in how satisfying it was to have his attention like this. He had more important things to say, namely- “We’re going to do this right.” He pushed a firm hand to Lance’s wet cheek. “I know it’d be easier to have me keep you, but I won’t. You’d regret staying and you’d make me your excuse. But, I swear I’ll be here for you- whatever happens, whatever you find, whatever it does to you. I’ll be here when you get back.”

Lance leaned into the hand on his cheek instinctively and as Keith let his forehead rest against his, eyes slipping shut. There was obviously a part of Lance that had wanted a yes- wanted Keith to agree to a relationship and beg him to stay for it, but it would’ve been the wrong move. It would’ve tainted their trust. And, maybe that had been the point. Keith knew better than anyone the instinct to ruin things before they could ruin themselves. He wondered if it Lance even realized he was doing it.

“I will never push you away again,” he said. “So, stop trying to make me.”

...

The team knew Lance was leaving before Keith sent the notice to their inboxes. He didn’t bother calling another meeting, knowing they’d all disbursed to their own tasks and wouldn't want to be interrupted. They all showed up to see him off in the morning anyway.

That’s where it sank in. They were short a pilot.

It felt like a lot more than that. For someone who had been left a lot in his life, Keith really didn’t know how to feel when it was something _he_ chose. He kept having to do that though...choose it.

He’d thought about reaching out for Lance before he stepped onto the shuttle’s ramp, kissing him or at least hugging; Lance seemed to hesitate in anticipation of it, but he didn’t, and Lance didn’t push. Keith hadn’t expected him to.

He’d gotten in all the hugs and affection he really needed the night before, so he stood back for everyone else to have their turn. Lance boarded Captain Olia’s carrier ship and Keith stood outside and watched until they disappeared out of sight.

...

Progress on the castle continued on schedule. It had taken some damage in the fight, but the shields were the first thing to come online, and Coran had manned the weapons system on defense, so the damage was minimal.

The Vehicle Voltron team was in their test flight phase, assisting the first wave of refugee evacuation off the castle and away to a nearby galaxy with a few prospective planets in their habitable zone. Without Altean spiritual energy, the team required fifteen pilots, divided into three teams of five, specializing in Land, Sea, or Air operations, gathering data and fighting in their area of expertise. They could combine to form a mock-Voltron, but it wasn’t nearly as powerful as what King Alfor built.

...

Keith started sleeping with his melding chip on. There was no reason to believe Lance would be wearing the other chip and he wasn’t even sure if Lance still _had_ it or if he’d lost it on Haggar’s cruiser, but Lance never used the intergalactic channel and Keith just...needed to feel connected to someone who was out there _doing_ something.

Connected to Lance...

He was no stranger to insomnia, but his recent anxiety was new. There was a lot to worry about. All things outside of his control- Lance’s mission, Shiro’s updates translated through Pidge, Haggar’s control over her brother, the vulnerability of Earth, and the idea of the Galra reorganizing and somehow learning that Voltron was down a pilot.

Keith felt like he was making no progress, saddled to a dead planet- even if that planet had once been Home. He wasn’t sure he’d ever developed a concept of what that meant. He wasn’t sure he wanted or needed to.

He just needed to be effective.

For all that the team had struggled to cope with the news of Keith’s heritage, he had never truly _been_ Galra. It would be like saying he was Korean despite never stepping foot outside the U.S. It was in his blood but not his being, making the team’s shock and disgust all the more damaging to his already-shaky confidence as Team Leader. He had resisted by exploring it in his own way, joining the blades, putting on a mask and pushing his operations into shadows. It was easier and more effective than competing for command with Shiro, and in that way he could understand the Galra, end-driven without regard for the means so that, when those means came to light, they were impossible to look at.  The Blade of Marmora had understood- the Galra that could only safely wield power in the dark- too forceful and direct. Reconnaissance and covert operations could still be effective when the universe couldn’t trust you for your purple skin.

But, Keith didn’t have purple skin, and pretending to be Galra had only brought him back full-circle. Back to Voltron. Something always drew him back out into the light.

With Shiro and Lance both gone, he wasn’t sure which of them played a larger role in it.

He felt like he was simultaneously drifting more than ever and also clinging to his team. It was probably a testament to how they’d all sort of gone to the winds.

Hunk and Pidge kept on a nocturnal schedule and rarely asked why he was still awake when he came down to visit their lab- which was nice. But, Pidge was bristled, quiet without her usual sardonic humor. Hunk had become obsessed with the reconstruction of Earth’s defenses, determined to never let anything like this happen again. In Shiro's absence, he had taken over a lot of the diplomatic pieces of the Coalition. They both strained against the Garrison’s overbearing regulations, presented under the guise of ‘support’. Allura had learned about Earth's culture, from spending so much time with Lance, that she took over their PA concerns. Of course, they needed to keep Lance’s departure a secret, so she kept a steady flow of new content from his channel using his old pictures and selfies. Besides her frequent updates from Romelle about the status of Shiro’s mission, she rarely interacted with the Alteans they’d saved from the colony.

Lance was the furthest away and it had been nearly a month with no word from Captain Olia’s crew, yet Keith didn’t feel connected to anyone else. Maybe that’s why he started wearing the melding chip all the time.

He tried not to think about it. It gave him an excuse to put off cutting his hair, letting it grow down to his shoulders and over his cheeks.

On the nights that he couldn’t sleep, he started writing and drawing pictures. He’d never been particularly imaginative like this, but the impression of images and feelings buzzed in his mind until he put them down on paper. They were often strange things- alien planets Keith was sure he hadn’t visited, fear and shame over events that felt entirely out of his own character, memories of missions that he hadn’t carried out.

It took him two weeks to realize that it was Lance...dreaming.

With that working theory, he was careful not to pry too deeply into specific feelings, but it didn’t stop him from devouring that connection without restraint. It didn’t stop him from pushing his own admiration and fondness through when Lance was projecting fear or shame, his own strength and support when he felt Lance’s grief. With the melding chip on, whether or not Lance was wearing his, Keith had at least this access when Lance was completely unguarded.

He assumed that was always during sleep, but perhaps not. He was going for a run when he was struck with an unusual wave of bittersweet clarity.

It wasn’t the sort of feeling that could come through in a dream. It didn’t feel like anything he’d ever experienced. Understanding always came to Keith in parts- intuitions and senses that built upon themselves to create a full picture. By the time he was ready to accept the truth, he’d already interpreted it from every angle until it all clicked.

This feeling wasn’t his.

He didn’t even have anything to be discovering, he was just jogging. Well- now he’d come to a stop, but...it left him to wonder...what had Lance found?

...

By the time construction on the Castle of Lions had completed, the Garrison’s first wave of refugees had been safely transplanted, so Team Voltron was ready to set off away from Earth.

The planet was honestly safer that way.

They were barely a few hours out when they’d had a surprise encounter with a squadron of Galra fighters harassing a Coalition supply route. It had seemed like a typical mission- no problem for two Lions. Keith and Allura had decided it was safer to work in small teams rather than reveal a pattern that might show the Red Lion’s absence, but neither Keith nor Allura had expected the monster that made an appearance- a horrible conglomeration of dark magic energy and a chimera-like mix of parts. Keith had quickly recognized the traits of Reinveig’s superweapon. It was too much for Black and Blue to handle alone, and Hunk and Pidge were on the scene at once for backup.

The creature had a dozen snapping heads and a mouth that pulled at their ships with the force of a black hole. Even with four Lions, they were against the ropes, facing the hard truth that, without Voltron, this battle was a loss. If they wanted to escape the creature’s pull, they needed to beat a retreat, but the creature’s arms were too fast, latching onto them like a wretched Scylla.

When a sharp roar came from the Castle, Keith recognized it first.

Red had picked a new pilot.

Keith grinned, still a little in love with that reckless Lion. Of course Red would accept Krolia as his pilot before he’d let them back out of a fight. It probably didn’t help that Krolia had a bone to pick with this superweapon and Red loved a little anger in his pilots.

After the battle, Keith walked to Red’s hangar to find his mother already disembarked and standing at Red’s front paw, hands on her hips and frowning. He didn’t announce his presence and she didn’t have to turn to recognize his footsteps.

“This isn’t my Lion,” she said.

Keith waited for her to turn and see his inquisitive look.

“You can sense that, can’t you?” she said. “I’m not a paladin, but I’ll be here for you while you’re without one. I sense the Lions as you did once, but I can't replace him.”

“What do you mean you sense them?” Alone in the desert, adrift without Shiro and without the Garrison, Blue had called out to Keith, comforting and familiar- apparently he had always connected to Lions that weren’t meant to be his. His mother had spent enough time protecting the Blue Lion, when Keith had seen it in her memories, he’d assumed that his sensitivity to her had stemmed from that, but he was starting to think it had more to do with Lance- how vividly he felt the other man's quintessence, how easy it was to find him from across galaxies, how he still felt the connection when he wore the melding chip.

Krolia removed the helmet, still wearing her Marmora armor. “I’m not sure,” she said, considering it. “I found the Red Lion after I left your father and after I’d spent years trying to protect Blue.”

Keith was only mildly-surprised to hear this but definitely interested.

“The Blade has been sending missions for the Lions of Voltron for centuries,” she explained. “And, after I left you, I was desperate to find the others. I had spent so much time around Blue...I guess I knew what to look for.” She looked up at Red with a crease in her brow. “I sensed him.”

Keith got the feeling there was more to that connection- no one besides Allura and him had ever been able to sense a Lion’s presence and he’d never been able to do so across galaxies until he’d reached out for his team.

But, it didn’t matter. “Sendak followed my team straight to him and we were too overwhelmed to resist,” Krolia said. She frowned, one arm clutching at the other as if ashamed to explain, “We handed him over without a fight and Sendak honored us for retrieving him. It’s part of how I worked my way so close to Ranveig. Red only accepted me as his pilot because you needed Voltron. But, I can never be his paladin.”

Keith understood her hesitation. Red wasn’t one to hold a grudge- his flashes of anger came in bursts and then were quickly forgiven. But, this was more than just guilt. Krolia had to know what they were all missing.

“We should call Lance,” he said.

...

Keith wasn’t surprised that Captain Olia had gone down in battle. She had always been a determined fighter, dedicated to her troops and willing to put their lives over her own. As her lieutenant explained the battle that they had undergone, chasing Sendak’s escaped cruiser, Keith searched the faces of the crowd gathered behind him.

He didn’t see Lance among them.

The rebel fighters relied on Voltron as a symbol of leadership and support, but Keith wasn’t in the mood for putting on a face, “You had one of our Paladins in your company. Where is he?”

The lieutenant shifted, dropping his eyes- all six of them. “Many of our ranks deserted after the funeral...Paladin Lance...his family…” he shook his head. “There was nothing to bury so he did not bother to attend the service though we reserved a plot...”

Keith felt the news hit like a dull blow. It was not surprise but a low dark realization of one unfortunate possibility. No one on the team spoke though Keith could see Pidge lean onto Hunk’s shoulder out of the corner of his eye.

“Just...tell him that we’ve left Earth,” Keith said. “If he tries to contact us, we will have a line open to his communicator-”

“We haven’t seen the Blue Paladin since,” the lieutenant shifted his eyes away awkwardly, “he left after the funeral.”

...

Keith could rationally understand why Lance had run. He could understand the impulse to disappear and grieve in peace. So, when Hunk immediately insisted that they make a search, Keith hesitated. If Lance was trying to avoid the war- to find time alone, being chased down by the universe's defenders, insisting he return to their team, might be the last thing he’d want.

But there may be another way Keith could reach him.

...

There were few rituals Keith kept. Fighting an intergalactic war didn’t allow for much routine when their daily missions could vary so drastically. But, over the last few weeks, with Lance gone, there were a few things he did before bed- getting a notepad and pens or a data padd to write down what he saw in Lance’s dreams was one thing.

It wasn’t like got more from Lance when he prepared for it, but when there was nothing else he could control about this connection, he grasped for what little things he could do.

He’d worked for months at focusing on coaxing comfort through the meld, but he’d never been able to send words- and though Lance had seemed to adjust to the meld with ease during the battle for Earth, Keith had certainly never heard anything like words- or felt anything that seemed remotely intentional from Lance.

But, that night as he settled into a meditative state, somewhere between sleeping and focusing, he concentrated hard on sending a simple message to Lance _come home. Come back to us. To me._ Words shifted through his mind without catching his attention, just drifting past, and then- a small burst of recognition came through the connection and affection wove through his thoughts then flitted away like streamers in the wind. As clear as a whisper in his ear- he heard it:

“ _...they would’ve loved you.”_

He was barely conscious, and sleep overtook him before he could realize the loss, but when Keith woke there was...nothing.

He usually tried meditating with the small burst of adrenaline that came with his morning alarm. But focusing his mind on searching for that small sense he’d come to be so aware of, a presence so recognizable he had come to think of it as a part of himself, he found nothing.

Keith thrashed upright, pinching his eyes shut and digging in sharp on the feeling of Lance, the memory of his presence the night before, searching and grasping for a trace of that contact but it was gone- as empty as he’d felt after Lance had ripped the chip from his head on Haggar’s cruiser.

Lance was gone- either awake or closed off. The connection was silent.

In its place, a thought was projected into his brain, an overwhelming impression of the phrase “ _they would’ve loved you.”_ The idea was fond and sorrowful, warm and oppressive, like a lazy summer day, hazy and wasting away.

When Keith came to the control deck, he was late and his eyes were too red and puffy to hide the reason he had missed his slot on the training deck.

It felt like mourning.

...

It took Keith two weeks to admit defeat.

Lance had always been better at blocking his thoughts when he didn’t want them to be seen, but this was worse. It wasn’t just a wall up to keep him out. Keith could easily reach the place where Lance _should_ be. But, no matter how hard he concentrated, he couldn’t find anything at the core of their connection- whatever that connection had been- just the echo of an aching, empty pain that Lance had left in his wake.

When he told Allura and Coran about the connection hoping for a way to rekindle it, neither had an explanation besides a theory that Lance had also worn his melding chip.  A telepathic connection existed between all the Paladins of Voltron, but none of them could be close to maintaining that kind of connection naturally.

So, Lance had been wearing his chip. For a moment, it was gratifying to think that he had wanted to keep that small contact all this time. But, recalling the small flicker of recognition Keith had felt just before Lance had gone quiet, he couldn’t help but worry that Lance had finally just…noticed his presence and blocked him out.

As much as that hurt and concerned Keith, it was better to believe that the connection was gone than to consider...there was nothing to be connected to.

That _Lance_ might be gone…

Keith had felt Lance’s memories, experienced his pain and seen his thoughts. Feeling bad wasn’t a life-threatening condition, but this was...more than just bad. The way Lance’s pain echoed through his mind- even the trace of him was unbearable.

Keith revisited Hunk’s suggestion, calling a long-overdue team meeting. Everyone was gathered when he stepped into the rec room, waiting for orders. He didn’t waste time, getting right to it.

“We need to find Lance.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was really hard for me to write. How bout that trailer drop tho??  
> I considered including Adam, but it would've been a stretch to weave him in at this point.
> 
> Please lemme know what you think of it!


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